Stubborn

I know it’s been a while since I wrote, but I only wanted to write if there was something good and happy to write. I was searching for anything to make something sound happy, but I couldn’t find it. There’s a lot going on now. Too much, that I got lost in it.

Just recently, I spoke with my sister regarding the results of her exams. She took a stress test and an echocardiogram. Well, she failed her stress test. The echocardiogram showed she has a heart of an old lady. So of course, my sister being the stubborn person she is doesn’t really want to hear anyone tell her to go for further testings. She thinks that there’s nothing else to do. This world if full of technology, how can she say there’s no other tests to be done. She needs to look further into this situation, it not normal at 37 to have a heart of an old lady. That means there is something WRONG!

She keeps telling me that she is fine. Fine my ass! That the doctor told her that she needs to quit her job and relax more and exercise. So instead she is going to cut her hours and see how it goes from there. I told her to take short term disability or medical leave at least for a month, so she can really relax and that I would go down to Florida and stay with her for that month, but she keeps insisting there’s nothing really wrong that she is fine. There’s more to it I know, because I doubt when you walk into a cardiologist office and they find that your heart is acting over 20 years than your age, I doubt all they are going to say is relax and exercise.

I remember visiting my brother Martino in the hospital in December of 94`. I walked into his room and he wasn’t in his bed. I was frightened, thinking something bad had happened. I walked in a bit more and found him in the guest chair reading a book. I was relieved. You see, my brother Martino never really told us that there was something seriously wrong with his heart. He had us under the impression that it was something minor. So, we didn’t worry and that is what he wanted, for us not to worry. In his mind he knew, he knew that his life was going to be short and he tried to make the best of it. On that visit my brother and I walked into the corridors of the hospital and went over to the counter where they had all the monitors for all the patients on the floor. It was the cardio floor obviously. The nurse pointed to one of the screens and said

“This is your brothers heart.”

And I watched his heart beat on the screen. She then pointed all the way to top of all the monitors and said

“This one is an 80 year old woman, her heart is better than your brothers and your brothers has a heart of how a real 80 year old woman should have.”

Till this day, I don’t know why that didn’t hit a trigger in my head telling me, Cia Fai, there’s something really wrong with your brother he is not well he’s going to die and die soon. All I remember is being in shock and how my brother made is seem like there was nothing wrong. I looked at my brother and anyone would see he looked fine that there was nothing wrong, but deep inside his heart was dying. He needed a new heart and we didn’t even know. Now, my heart is broken and well it can’t be fixed and now, my sister.My sister bringing me back to memories that frighten me that the same thing can happen to her. My brother had died a month and three days later after that visit. Why must she be so stubborn?