I Thought About HIM Today II

He probably doesn’t even think of me at all. Isn’t it crazy how a person could live inside your mind and you don’t even exist in theirs? “HE” has his own life and I would only see “HIM” every once in a while. It’s been that way for five years. He obviously doesn’t live in the same state as me, so I would only see him if he were here or I was there by him. In 1999, when we first met and where we met ,was of course out of the ordinary. That’s where I want to keep it. It makes it more meaningful but at the same time doesn’t mean anything anymore. Well to him. That’s all because he has his own life now and always had, but it’s more there than here.

It was a long while, maybe even a year since I last seen him. We stopped talking over the phone and emailing one another. At first I didn’t have feelings for him until that one day when I saw him at a birthday party in September of 2000 that we were both invited to but didn’t know either one would be there. He walked in this huge club and I pulled on his jacket as he walked by, he hugged me, excited to see me. He told me he would be back that he had to go talk to someone. I told him I would be right where I was standing. He went up to VIP and when he came back down, a hurdle of people embraced him in their whole. He then walked away with out saying goodbye. A friend from work pointed out that he was leaving. I was so heated. My friend from work started to laugh at me and told me that he could tell that I like “Mr. I’m Leaving With Out Saying Good Bye”. I told him that he was crazy and that we were just friends and that my blood was only boiling because he said he would be back and left with out saying goodbye and I don’t like it when people do that. It fucking rude. Later on, Lily, Val and I were hanging out by the bar. My back was leaning on the bar as I faced them while they faced the bar. Lily almost gave me a heart attack when she screamed out that he was back and he was by the end of the bar. I didn’t give two flying fucks.

“Go over there and talk to him.”

“No! He knows where I am, he can come and talk to me if he wants.”

I was pissed, why should I chase after him? Anyway he was only a friend who I would talk to over the phone and email. It goes further than that, and it’s because when we first met we connected in away I’ve never felt with anyone before. I didn’t know it was the beginning of something different. I turned around and ordered Lily a Cosmopolitan and as I did from my peripheral vision I saw him bending over the same way as I was and ordering a drink simultaneously. Wicked. Positions changed I was facing the bar and my friends had their back to the bar. There was a crowd of people behind me that my friends were people watching when I had felt someone grab my hand. It was “HIM”, his eyes holy shit grabbed my soul. I couldn’t understand what I was feeling. His smile made my heart alive. He was so happy to see me. He apologized that he had a call and had to run out of the club before. So you see, he never said good bye because he never really left. That was the night, we both, well I know I definitely did, started to feel something.

Ok so after a year which is now 2001 of that enchanting encounter, my friends Lily and Breanna went out the night before Breanna’s birthday. We were all supposed to go out on her birthday, but she was too excited and wanted to go out the night before too. I get a call from Breanna begging me to go out with them. I couldn’t go, I was sick and I had told her that if I went out that night I wouldn’t be able to go out for her birthday the next day. She was upset but got over it, knowing I would sacrifice my soul the next night instead.

It was the next day and Lily called me at work dumbfounded.

“Are you sitting down? Guess who we saw last night?”

I said his name. I didn’t even give her a chance to finish her question. She was amazed that I knew.

“How the hell did you know that?”

“I just know… I had a feeling he was here, I felt him.”

“But, it’s been like a year since you’ve seen him.”

It’s a crazy feeling that I thought we were destined for each other. We are, but not in this life time.