Could There Be Anything Else? ANYTHING???

How do I not cry? How do I stay strong? Block emotions? Do I stick my head up my ass and not see what is crumbling down infront of me? Or do I just act numb?

I haven't been feeling well, wow that's a surprise isn't it? NO, I'm not a f'n hypochondriac. Back in January I kept bumping into my friend, making her drop her drink. I was sorry and did it over and over again. Am I a f'n retard or something? I'll answer that, NO! I wasn't even drinking, I wasn't buzzed nor drunk. I just kept losing my balance like a numb nut. I decided not to go to work the next day because when I got out of bed, I got dizzy. I thought I got up to fast bumping into the frame of my bedroom door. The walk to the bathroom wasn't so pleasant either. Again, I just thought I got up way to fast. So I decided to lay down for a little longer. The room was spinning. I waited for it to go away. It didn't. I got up and well the son of a bitch was still there. Again, I was like, too fast. Lay down. Wait. Try again. This time slow. Slow as a snail the dizziness was still there and I made my call to the office that I was not coming in. This greatness lasted for two weeks. I bumped into walls, people and well needed to hold on to things so I wouldn't fall. As I walked down the block I swore someone was pushing me towards the left/right. I decided to finally go to the doctor. VERTIGO! Just as I expected. The doctor wrote a prescription for my dizziness and when she moved the paper over to me I thought I was going to fall off my chair from getting so dizzy. The doctor sent me to an ENT specialist. I told the dude my symptoms and he ordered a MRI. He said my brain is normal, and I chuckled, "are you sure?", but there is a mass here. I have either a cyst or a tumor inside my head on my temporal bone. Long story short to today... I have to have surgery and that consist of a Neurosurgeon opening up my head, moving my brain, moving my nerves so the ENT surgeon can remove the cyst/tumor. Oh I forgot to mention... he's going to cut like a small sized egg of my bone out. Snazzy huh?

Meantime back at the ranch... my dad was diagnosed with bladder Cancer. I was told if you get Cancer you would want bladder, since it's easier to cure. My poor father 8 weeks of Chemo and now they have done more tests. They still found Cancerous cells in his urine, he had an appointment on the 2nd to get a biopsy. He took asprin two days prior so they couldn't do it. They rescheduled for May 15th. My dad is lost and not feeling well, I don't even think he understands that they found cancerous cells in his urine. May 15th they are doing a biopsy on his bladder and his prostate. I'm asking my angel...my brother Martino to please watch over him and to send some healing energy to my father so he feels better and that the Cancer is GONE!!!!!

My sister was complaining of pain. Her whole left side would go numb and her face would blow up. The pain from her head would go all the way down her left side, it drove her crazy. She couldn't speak at times. I told her "GO TO THE DOCTOR DAMN IT, YOU'RE PROBABLY HAVING A DAMN STROKE." I then told her that it might be her neck, she has some bulging or herniated whatever discs. I then told her to make sure she doesn't have what I have. Petrous Apex Lession. "GET AN MRI DONE ON YOUR HEAD AND NECK!" Finally she listened to me. She was more worried about me than herself. They found a tumor in her spinal cord. She has surgery. Her 4 to 5 hour surgery turned into 10 hours. They cut her nerve and now she has no feeling in her left arm. She is heavily medicated and can't move. My mom cries to me every day that my sister in not herself and she keeps her arm limp. That my sister is hallucinating and when she talks she's not all there. The pain is excrutiating and my mom tells me that my sister thinks she's dying. My sister thought she was in a car accident. See's people that are not even there. Calls me day to day and tells me not to have my surgery as she says it in agony. I can't even hold her hand. Tell her that she'll be ok. I'm so far away. I'm here in NY and there she is in Florida disabled.

My surgery is scheduled for June 11th. I'm nervous... I have a chance to go deaf in my ear and lose the nerves in my face. Before all this, I was having PSVT episodes. My heart was in my throat, my hands were shaking as I felt like my insides were trembling hard core, I started to see all white and felt my eyes rolling back. Was I about to faint, my chest was going to explode, was I having a heart attack? NO! the cardiologist says PSVT! I do all my reading on the internet with the Petrous Apex lession and that was one of the symptoms, the trembling. It always happens to me out of nowhere. I grabbed the remote to watch a show and it looked like I was jerking off the remote. I couldn't stop trembling so crazy as my heart was in some speedy whacked car race. I'm just f'n numb!