The Day Before My First Day Of Work

Sunday, Monday, one more day till I start my new job. Was I nervous? NO, I just didn’t feel like going. Staying home for 3 months had me spoiled. Well besides the stressful broke issue, I was spoiled. It was my me time, that I never really used for myself.

Sunday was supposed to be crazy. TimRex asked me to take his pictures from some promo package for record labels. We were supposed to go to B&H and get some good film. I told him about all my ideas, he liked them. So we had set it for Sunday to do the first part of a photo shoot. I was also doing the clown thing for a kid’s birthday party, but on Saturday I found out that it wasn’t happening. I was happy, because that meant I had more time for the shoot. TR never made it, he got busy with something else. Again, I was happy, this meant I could just have a relaxing day before my first day of work. I called Anne to let her know I missed her and to find out what she was doing. She was having dinner and had our friend over with her husband and one of her sons over. I hadn’t seen in a while. Anne invited me over. I ended up walking to her house, because the night before I had a very disturbing dream that I got into a real bad car accident. I didn’t drive all day and night Sunday. Before I spoke with Anne I had invited Hope and her friend Troy over to play cards, have wine and just sit and talk. I wanted company, bottom line. I told Anne that I would come over but had to leave at a certain time because I had company myself coming over.

I ate and hung out with Anne, the family and friends. Hope and Troy picked me up. We played cards, drank white wine and just enjoyed each other’s company. We laughed and my need was fulfilled.

Saturday, August 13th was a long day. I had a block party, baby shower and a night out in a club. A MALE GAY club. The only reason I went was because one of my guy friends had to give a CD to the DJ. It was like a sauna, all these gay men where shirtless, well not all of them. I have nothing against gay people nothing at all, I don’t look at them any different than I would anyone else. Gay women, well the same as long as they aren’t trying to pick me up. Monday I start my new job and here I am with a hectic weekend.

My friend told me before we got to the club, that I would not have imagined the men I was going to see at the gay club were gay. If I had seen these men outside a gay club I wouldn’t have guessed they were gay. Let me tell you, I wouldn’t put it pass anyone. I don’t look at people for what they prefer as a lover, male or female. If it was anyone else, I could completely understand what my friend was saying.

I stood at the bar with my friend and two other people who were with us. Another guy and his friend, who was a female. When I first met her outside in front of the club, I thought she was the type who partied. By the end of the night I still had the same thought. I wasn’t going to judge her for being high or maybe just extremely hyper. It really didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was if she was cool and not some stuck up bitch. She was very familiar with the place. So from that I knew she was going to be cool. NO stuck up bitch would be a frequent male gay club attendee unless she has a penis and well… you know what I’m getting at.

My friend orders a screw driver and I bothered him about it.

“Ha! You just ordered a SCREWdriver in a gay club. You just got SCREWWED in a gay club.”

My friend is far from gay and I had to keep telling him that certain things he was doing was showing off his biceps. He would straighten up and look around hoping no one was checking him out. It was some funny shit. When he finished his drink, him and the other dude told us they had to go talk to the DJ. The girl and me stayed back, but we didn’t stay there, we walked around. Before we all parted I was checking out the scene. I watched the gogo male dancers bare ass jiggling, swaying back and forth, and thrusting their hoohoos into some gay dudes face. They were loving it. They were standing on top of the bar so I had plenty of bar asses in seeking distance. I didn’t mind, it didn’t bother me. I was sort of happy to be there. I didn’t have to worry about an asshole trying to pick me up and to put a cherry on top, an ugly asshole!

Like my friend said, there were men people would have thought not to see there. Short Asian men in their 20’s, Biker looking men, ghetto fabulous black men with a big diamond in their ear holding hands through the crowd. I watched them all and was glad they were so free but not for me.
As we were all standing at the bar, I kept catching the bartender staring at me. I thought he was gay and was just looking to look no meaning behind it. Why would there be, he wouldn’t be looking because he likes what he sees. So I thought, but still don’t have a clue. He might be bi sexual. My profile was aligned with the bar. I feel someone touch my arm. It’s him, the bartender. He extends his arm out with a bottle of water in his hand. I took my right palm of my hand and touched my chest suggesting the question
“Is that for me?”

Indeed it was. I took it with confusion and didn’t know why in the world he gave me water when I didn’t even ask for it. So I ask my friend’s friend, the dude, why and what the heck did that mean. He said…

“It means that, it’s a gay club. Take it and shut up.”

Still don’t know why he gave it to me. I took it and ended up walking with it in the club with three sips taken from the rim. The girl and me went looking for who knows who. She wanted to see if someone she knew was there. Our attempt in finding them failed. We passed by couples getting down, while one was sitting down the other one was straddling him on top shirtless. Then we passed this little room and well I only took a glance and I minded my own business. When we were at the bar I saw some small slanky Spanish dude go right up to a guy who just approached the bar. Slanky put his hand on the guy’s lower back checking out his ass and then moved him so he can check out his front. He did the back and forth thing. I’m guessing that’s part of the checklist on picking up in a gay club. Checking out the merchandise.

The girl and I bopped to the beat as we walked and tried to feel the music. We finally make it back to the bar. My friend and the dude weren’t there. Some gay Asian tried, I guess, picking me up. He touched my upper arm and giving me the eye to come over. I totally declined and kept walking laughing it off. I was about 20 feet away when I felt someone touch my arm and I thought this guy wasn’t giving up. So I kept walking ignoring the touch. Then came the grabbing of my arm, I turned around and discovered the dude, my friend’s friend that we came with. We both laughed. I told him that I thought it was some guy who just tried talking to me and he said he knew because he saw the whole thing.

Now we all reunited, going to the back bar. The girl and I danced our way there. We had drink tickets, so I actually got a drink. I’m down to one drink a night out. I watched two hot guys at the end of the bar exchange numbers and then make out and then walk away holding hands. GRAND!

Dude got upset because he saw his ex fiancé (a woman) there. He walked away from us to disappearance land. That’s when we got our drinks. We drank them and then searched for Dude. We found him slouching over a banister spying the dance floor. The girl and I were probably there for 5 minutes as the gay guy against the wall decided to dirty dance with us. It was fun. After that fiasco, the girl and I went to the dance floor as I handed my friend my purse to hold. Now he sure did look gay now. HA HA.
We went to the middle of the grand dance floor. So many men, so many not for me. It was great. I got to dance and wasn’t going to be bothered by some horny fuck. We danced and sweated our fucking brains out. It was a damn sauna in there. I was drenched. I told the girl that my bra was showing and no one gives a shit. I told her if I took my shirt off no one would care. It was great. Some guy tried dancing with her, he had no rhythm. Tried doing that Spanish dancing thing. I saw her look for help. I grabbed her and started busting the right Spanish moves. We laughed and had an awesome time. Then we danced doing our own thing. I had some guys around me cheering me on. We laughed the entire time as I kept screaming how fucking hot it was. My 7 jeans were permanently part of my legs, if I took them off I swore my skin would come off with them. So here we are two sopping wet girls in a male gay club working our way through a dance floor full of shirtless sweaty men back up to our friends. We were going to leave. We stood there and started to dance. A guy walks by and calls me SEXY. With one eyebrow up, with my watcha talking about Willis expression he started dancing with me. All on top of me. No shirt, muscles popping out. The girl saved me. He came right up on me again, we laughed. She grabbed my hand and we RAN. With my head tilted back, I couldn’t stop laughing. It was one of the gogo male dancers. Our friends found us five minutes later and we went home. Got home after 5 am. Got something to eat with my friend on the way home. It was a great night.

Closet or Hamper?

I’m the girl who will wear her jeans or pants two times maybe even three times before washing them. If I sweat or dirty them then they go right into the hamper. Heck if you washed your clothes that often, you will ware the color and material out. Plus when you have expensive clothes that don’t need to be dry-cleaned you tend not to wash them so often, because you don’t want to ruin them. So you try your hardest to keep them as clean as possible as you are wearing them.

First off, why does it always seem when you take a clean pair of pants out your closet, you feel as if you gained weight? Maybe that’s because those son of a bitches were in the dryer and they made them tighter. Heck I have to suck in my belly at times, that’s why when you have a pair of pants that you’ve already worn they are already stretched to your form.

Shirts-

· First you do the sniff test. Most of the time I put them in the hamper. If I worn the shirt just a few hours and it passes the sniff test it goes into the closet.
· Check out the armpit part of your shirt. If it doesn’t stink, but has deodorant on it, toss it into the hamper.
· If you get a sauce stain or any stain on it, in the hamper it goes.

Jeans/Pants-

· You check them out front to back to make sure there’s no dirt on them.
· You do the sniff test. If they smell, in the hamper they go.
· If they fit too loose then into the hamper they go.
· If you can fold them up and they look nice and flat, in the closet they go, that is if they passed the sniff and dirt free test.
· If they fit too tight, it’s because they are still clean. Leave them in the closet, till there’s a day when you haven’t eaten a damn thing and your tummy is flat as hell.

Undies and Socks-

· SLAM DUNK INTO THE HAMPER!!

Bras-

· The sniff test once again.
· If they pass the sniff test and get deodorant on it, try rubbing it off if there is just a smudge on it and if it doesn’t come off into the hamper it goes.
· All of a sudden your tits shrank. No no not to fret, the bra is stretched out. Into the hamper it goes.
· So if it passes the sniff test and has no deodorant on it and it fits perfect, then into the draw or closet or on top of whatever it lands on in your room when you take it off , it goes. If you happen to find dirt on it, girl, what the fuck are you doing to get it dirty??? Unless you walk around in your bra eating a melting ice cream cone you have problems.

So tell me, Closet or Hamper? What do you do?

Behind The Yellow Line

Mia got so drunk and I actually yelled at her as if she was a little girl. We all said we were going to make it an early night, because we all knew I was getting picked up at 5:30 in the morning to go for a little trip. It was 4 am and we were an hour away from home. I was trying to get out of the place since 3 am. You know how it is when you have a drunk on your hands (not only did I have one I had at least 3), they don’t want to leave, they try to escape and giggle their way to the bar. They grab someone and dance. They are having a blast, but they are not listening to what you are saying. They don’t want to listen and that gets you mad.

I get to my house at 5:31am I had no time to sleep, no time to wash my face, no time to brush my teeth. I walked in and changed and left Mia on my bed to sleep off the liquor.

I was going to visit someone who is in jail. The only way you can see them is if you are in their (Jail’s) system and well it’s like an appointment. So you have to make it there on that day. It was an hour and a half maybe even 2 hours away from where I lived. I got in the back seat and asked if I looked presentable. They said I did. I staid up for maybe 20 minutes and told them that I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I laid down, but kept waking up during the ride. At one time I got up and I was told I sleep with my eyes open. That’s the second time someone has told me that. My eyes aren’t completely open, they are slightly open that you can see my eye and enough for me to see you. I get there and I knew it was going to be a struggle.

I can’t have anything on me but my id and money. I go through a metal detector and have no problem, they didn’t even notice the big safety pin I had in my ear. That my friend can do some damage. We get stamped and we have to go through another door to put our hands under a black light where we have to wait for the guy behind the tinted glass to say

“GOOD”

Then we can move ahead without knowing who the man is behind the glass. We go through another door and we enter a room that looks like somewhat a cafeteria that only had brick red plastic chairs side by side. I look around and I see inmates waiting for their visitors. I felt at ease. I felt loneliness, their loneliness. So finally the person I came to see came out. I hadn’t seen him in 7 years. He was thin and looked completely different. Before I entered the visiting room I felt like crying, but once I saw him it didn’t want to come out. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s his story. I sat there wondering what it his inmates committed to be there. I had seen them there with girlfriends and their babies visiting. It was sad. I felt bad for these guys. They did something to be here, but then I thought about my friend and said he didn’t and there could be others like him there.

There were vending machines. We bought a whole bunch of food, there were microwaves to heat them up. We got chicken sandwiches and drinks. When we showed him what we got he said…

“Oh don’t you worry, I’m going to dog them.”:

I watched the way he ate his food. It was sad, it was like a treat to eat the food from the vending machine. He hasn’t had a home cooked meal in 7 years. He hasn’t had a life for 7 years. I would ask what the story was with some of the other guys there. He would tell me. Most of them were in for little things, nothing to hold my purse close to me, but my purse was in the car. I felt all the pain in them all. I was trying to see who really deserved this punishment. I couldn’t tell. I didn’t want them to find me staring at them.

When I had first walked in an officer told me to tuck my shirt in, I must have been showing some skin. Always me. Always get picked on or reprimanded when I’m not even trying to do anything wrong.

We took photos, my friend had a receipt that we were going to take 3 pictures. They had a backdrop and we stood there smiling for the cameraman. Everyone was staring at us. I thought they could probably tell I was on no sleep. It made me feel as if I looked like shit.

Every time they had to go to the bathroom they had to wait for an officer to let them in and have them watch them. My friend went to the bathroom twice and the second time he had to strip down. They couldn’t pass this yellow line that was by the exit so if we had to give our hugs it had to be behind the line.
We had one chicken sandwich left. I hate my nasty $5 salad and chewed on some sour patches we got from the candy vending machine. We wanted to give it away. We tried to give it to the guy who does my friend’s laundry, like a payment. That’s how it is in prison. He didn’t want it because he was full. He was very grateful for the suggestion. Finally we gave it to the guy who was sitting in front of us with his family, he was so happy to get it, I could feel his tear that wanted to come out. We said our goodbyes and promised I would write and send pictures and come visit again. It was hard, but I knew he’ll be free in 5 years. 5 years to go and counting.

86??

Do you even know what 86 means??????? That's not a good number! Help me out here. I went from 14 to 69 now to 86 CiaFai?

Dr. Feel Good

Saturday night Mia and I get to the club. Earlier that day, on my way to my nephew’s first birthday party I get a call from this guy. The story behind this guy Frank is a stranger that I might know, if that makes any sense. I had gone out with my friend Christy and her two children Tuesday. I had to buy a gift for my cousin who just had a baby girl. After Babies R Us, we went to visit Christy’s husband at his job, which is a pizzeria. We walk in and say our hellos. I go to the bathroom and when I come back, we say our goodbyes. When we got outside I had told Christy that one of the guys in there looked very familiar. He was actually playing with the children when we were on our way out. I didn’t want to stare at him because I thought it might have been rude. So I took a quick glance at him and found him familiar. Though I didn’t speak a word to him, I wanted to know who the heck he was. I left it at that with Christy, and there was no connection on where I knew this guy.

Later that day, I was over my cousin’s house when Christy rang my phone. She asked me to guess who just called her. I had no idea and like a big dummy I said give me one guess. I meant to say give me a hint. DUHHHH! She said Frank. I told her so much for me guessing, then I realized that I said give me a guess. He called her because he thought he knew me from somewhere and wanted to take me out to dinner. I really didn’t want to go, but only because I thought I might have known him from somewhere I would, but then again I didn’t. So it all came down to going because it was Christy’s husbands boss and well just to make things look good for him. She asked if I wanted his number I said no. So then she asked if he could have mine. I contemplated then told her to give my cell number.

The dude calls me and it ends up that we are both going to the same club that night. How ironic. Someone please help me. Frank tells me where he’ll be hanging out. I told him to give me a call when he was there. He was out with friends and cousins for his birthday. By the way he’s 4 years younger than me. He called while my friend was using my phone so I didn’t know till I came back from walking around the club. I figured where he would be so I went over, let me tell you, I didn’t know him from a whole in the fucking wall. I thought I might have known him from going out, but the way he was dressed totally took the mystery away. I even had all my friends checking him out, they didn’t know him. He was so drunk off his ass and bought me and my friends drinks. Hee hee what the heck, why not? He was way to comfortable with his hands on my ass which I didn’t like, and gave him the dirty look. I told him I would be right back because I needed to talk to my friend real quick. The other friend was the dude I kissed that night the cop saw my ass.

The Kissing Dude gave me his number that night we kissed. I never called. Why? Well to be honest, I wasn’t that attracted to him, but I knew I would see him again. I thought it could be a friendship. I liked the dude, to hang out with, he’s a ball, but when it comes to having some sort of relationship it’s not going any further than a friendship. So I hesitated on the call back. Then too much shit was going on. I got a call that I was getting a job. My sister in law goes into early contractions and has to take it easy. My Aunt and Uncle are here from Rome visiting and they are taking me to their friend’s house. My niece got bit in the face by a dog. I had too many things going on that were more important than me giving KD a call. Someone who I wasn’t really into in that way. He definitely showed interest in me so you would have thought he would have taken my number, but he gave me that act that my phone battery died. I said yeah sure and he was about to show me and I didn’t want to be bothered. Plus, he’s friends with one of my guy friends, if he was so interested in me he could have asked for my number. Any hoots, I knew he was there that night at the club. I wanted to apologize for not calling and didn’t want to make things awkward. He told me not to stress about it. HA is this guy kidding me? I wasn’t stressing at all I was just being respectful and considerate. I felt bad so I thought to make things better. So it turns out that he’s more interested talking to other people and in some crazy way it had upset me. I wanted to have a good time with him, meaning dance and bullshit. It never works out that way. Later on we ended up talking and we held hands through the club looking for our friends, we danced and that was it. He had my number in his phone because that’s how I got him to come over to me. I was in the VIP section and told him to come over. He didn’t know who was calling so when he walked through the doors I screamed over to him that it was me. Anyway, so he goes down to his recent calls and says is this your number? And it was, so he supposedly saved it. He said ok. Never got a call. I don’t care and I do. I just thought it was crazy how I never have any guys around to talk to in a club and that one night I had two. One who was a complete dumb ass drunk and the other who didn’t care to see me. My friends kept telling me that they can see that he likes me. I told them PLEASE! He doesn’t and I don’t care.
I went back to my friends who were near Frank and then I guess he must of sensed the annoyance I had with him so he went to give me a handshake to say it was nice and he had to go. HA!! Dumped twice and I didn’t even want either of them. What bothers me is that it would have been nice, that at least one person would walk away that night liking me in some sort of way. It just makes me feel good.

Hide It

Saturday was my nephew’s first birthday party. My sister in law is already having contractions for her 2nd child. She was feeling all right for my nephew’s birthday; thank goodness imagine having the baby on her son’s first birthday party? I finally arrived to the party late. I swear it wasn’t my fault; I rather not get into the reason. When I get to the party, I already here the complaints the sarcasms that I’m late. If anyone else is ever involved in coming with me or me waiting on people, it’s destined that I will be late. If I’m going on my own, I’m on time. So it just always seems that I’m late because I’m always bringing someone with me.

I spotted the birthday boy. He was in his diaper and wearing cute yellow shorts. He had no shirt on and all I wanted to do was blow farts on his chest with my mouth and kiss him. Not because he’s my nephew, and I know you hear that line all the time, but he is too freaking cute. I brought my little air pump and my brother and sister in law supplied me with balloons. I made my nephew a mouse. The kids all came around and I made animal balloons for them. It was so hot out; I felt the sweat drip down the back of my legs. The heat drained me out. I had to keep up my spirits and not show anyone how tired I really was. So I went on.

My cousin arrived with her husband and two children. I had their x-mas gifts from last year in my trunk. I never got around to bringing it to them. It was that or I kept forgetting it at home when I did go visit. I know I’m a dumb ass. Thank goodness the outfits I got them were actually too big for last year and will fit them this year. I went to my car and grabbed the gifts from my trunk. I walked down the metal stairs and well slipped on the second step. There were children at the bottom of the stairs and I didn’t want to let go of the gifts because they would end up hitting the kids below. With my left hand I gripped the gifts like if I was holding a bag of groceries real tight and with my right hand reached out for the railing. It stopped me from going down the stairs, but it didn’t stop me from hitting the wall, which by the way this was outside and it was a rocky wall. I felt my shoulder twist, and my knee crash into the wall real hard. To tell you the truth, it scared me. It went in slow motion and it felt like it was never going to end. Once I hit the wall and finally got a grip of myself I got up with pain throbbing through my leg. I don’t know how, but my left index finger was killing me. I touched it and it felt as if my knuckle wasn’t in place. I had people touch it but they couldn’t seem to find what I was talking about. Finally later it went back down. Must have been a vein or something that was just swollen near my knuckle. Later on, I found a nice lump above my right knee with bloody scuffs on it. The blood had dried up. It was getting late and Mia and I had to go to a club to go see Tim Rex perform with Veronica. I was tired as fuck, but once again, I had to hide it.

69???????????????????????????

69??? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT?? I was at 14 now I’m at 69? WHHHHHHHHHATTTTTTT?? Please correct that will ya! ; )~

DO YOU KNOW...

Do you know what I love?? Well of course you don’t. One of the things I love is the smell of the heated pavement on a hot summer day that has just been drenched with the rain. It’s weird how it brings back memories of my old house as a child. Like sitting on my stoop and watch the rain as it hit the awning. Thunderstorms were so soothing to me. I loved doing that when I was a child and till this day I still do, but I don’t live in that great house anymore, which by the way my mom thought was hexed. I remember walking out in the rain barefoot and just walking around the outside of my house. Now, I hardly get the chance to do that. I can’t tell you exactly when it was, but it had to be probably a month or so ago, I did walk in the rain and it felt damn good. The only reason it happened was because I had no choice. It started raining and well when I parked my car I realized I had no umbrella. I felt something come over me. I felt young again. I felt all the crazy things in my life evaporate and as I walked out of my car I started walking in the rain. I always wanted to walk in the rain real slow with a guy and now as I’m older a man. To hold hands not saying a word to one another. Then we would chase each other and bend over holding our stomachs gasping for air from laughing so hard.

Tonight it is raining and here I am stuck in my house. Thing is, tonight I really want company in the rain. So as you can see I don’t have any, and instead, I’m typing this up.

I had an interesting weekend. I realized that I haven’t picked up my black book. My black book is my lyric book where I create all the magic. I got very upset thinking about it because I’ve come to disappoint myself. I haven’t written a song in a long time, and to tell you the truth I have put my writing into something else. My friend the place is…. HERE! For you! TO READ! I have written over 50 songs and there were times I would write at least 2 or 3 songs on my train ride home or on my way to work. I start my new job next Monday and I had promised myself yes that is correct I made a promise to the most important person to me well that should matter to me. And that is me. It’s about time I think about myself and listen to my dream. I would love to share my songs with all of you out there, because that is the main reason why I write them, well besides the part of me singing them and getting radio time on it, it’s for you, all of you out there to listen to. To relate to, to sing to. To go gaga over me. Ok no not really. But I can’t, I can’t share that part of my life with you, because you see, we have fuckers out there and those fuckers like to steal. They like to steal someone’s dream and make it their own and say

“Hey lookie here, look what I came up with all by my lonesome stealing fucking self.”

Ok they don’t mention the stealing. Poof my dream is gone and well no one wants to do that to Cia Fai, because Cia Fai will torment you and welllllll chop each finger off your stealing fucking low life piece of shit hands and wellllllll make you suffer till you bleed, TO DEATH. Then, I’ll sing you my happiest song I’ve written. So this is the end of this blog and I will write about the rest of my weekend on other blogs because I know I have the tendency to write way tooooooooooo much and your eyes probably get tired and blah blah blah oh wait am I still typing??? STOPPED!

585

Thank goodness for caller ID. I kept getting this call from a 585 number; I even looked it up on the Internet, but couldn’t come up with anything. BIG MAC even looked it up for me, but the only thing he could find out was it was from UPSTATE. BIG MAC called the number back and got a busy signal. He tried again later that day and it rang, but no one answered. I know a few people who live in Upstate, so I thought to answer the phone the next time they called.

I was getting ready to go somewhere but for the heck of me I cannot remember where I was going. Of course this is when I’ll get the call, when I need to get the heck out of my house as soon as possible. I sat there in my robe wet, slowly drying. The phone rang; I saw the number and still hesitated but picked it up anyway. It was some dude, and it definitely wasn’t a voice I recognized. NOW I was upset. I knew this fucker was going to bother me. He mentioned some hospital name. New York blah blah. I was thinking before this call that in general it might be one of those Verizon, Con Edison… you know one of my bills… calling asking for money, so I ignored them, but when BIG MAC said Upstate, I thought different.

So I had answered in an annoying manner.

“Is this about the $35?”

“Yes, it is. Thank you.”

“I sent a check a long time ago, and I still get notices that you never received it. So I sent another one a long time ago again”

“You did?, well we still haven’t received it.”

So I went on and on about how I’m not sending another check because I already paid for it. He went on and on how he didn’t get it. So I was like it was over two years ago. I was so upset about how they are still bothering me about it.

I thought this freaking call was for a bill from the emergency room. Two years ago or so, I thought I was dying. My brother took me to the emergency room. It ended up being the flu, which was real bad and a bad case of bronchitis. Hence, the feeling of death coming. The hospital sent me the bill for $35 for the emergency visit. I didn’t pay right away, because I was so sick. Once I got a notice I sent in a payment. They never got it so I got another notice and I called my bank and they said it was never cashed so I sent another check. I never received a notice again; well I don’t think I did.

So here’s this dude asking me for my money. It wasn’t for the emergency visit. It was for a hospital asking for a donation for their equipment. I remembered at that moment when he clarified who the fuck he was, that I had received something in the mail asking for a donation. I ripped it up and threw it out. Are they fucking kidding me? They always find some way to charge you for something when you go to the doctors or the hospital and they called me out of all people to donate money? The girl who is more broke than the bum who sits outside Eckards asking for money. The girl who is unemployed at the moment. The girl who is struggling and trying not to stress the fuck out because of it. By the way I finally got a job. Got the call this week. Any hoots, I told him I wasn’t donating because I have no money and I’m unemployed at the moment. The dude went on and fucking on about a story of when he was struggling. I had to open my big fucking mouth about how I hardly have any money and with what I have I’d rather use it on my medicine. I had to cut this fucker off and say

“Listen I don’t mean to cut you off, but I was on my way out somewhere.”

Then I hung up. Can you fucking believe it? A hospital calling asking for money.

Fuck YOU! YOU GET NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH TING FROM ME!! You should be donating to me! So if you get a 585 number and on your caller id it shows that instead of a name don’t pick up. It’s the hospital wanting to burn a hole in your pockets.

Have you ever got these kind of calls?

Golden Shower

I take my clothes off in the heat, as my sweat drips down to my neck. I look in the mirror and take down my hair. The sensation doesn’t hit me yet, so I slip in and soak myself. I’m at ease and don’t want it to escape me.

As I touch my body, this feeling overwhelms me. I look down and make sure it’s all clear. I let it go. Then… I watch it go down the drain.

Honestly people, do you hold it in or do you just let it go?

I’m talking about when you are in the shower, and all of a sudden, you have to pee. I usually go right before I get into the shower but of course there are times I don’t have to go so I just get in and start doing my thing. All of a sudden in midst of my shower I have to pee. I’m not going to bust my ass nor break my head to rush out of the shower to piss in the toilet. Plus I’ve done it once right after I finished showering, I had to pee once I stepped out. So my wet ass slipped all over the damn toilet seat and well it wasn’t really nice wiping a sopping wet hoo hoo. I just felt dirty all over again.

At least when you are in the shower you can rinse it off just by standing there. It’s even fun sometimes because I try to aim for the drain. It’s like a game. After all that, I let the water run on me and wait till I think I’m all rinsed off and then later myself up again.

There is no shame in peeing in the shower. Do you or do you not pee in the shower? Share your pissing story with me.

RANK

Okay besides me wanting to read some comments from all you readers, I can’t stand looking at my rank. I mean come on!! I know I’m better than whatever rank I’m at right now. Shit I should be one of the top five not in the 100’s shit. Come and support me and vote for me. How pathetic do I sound?? Crapper, I’ve sunk down to this. So hit that rank button and vote for Can You Handle It? Don’t forget, you can even put in a review. I thank you so much for always coming to my blog and reading what I have to say. It makes me feel like I really do exist out here, even though you don’t know me and being anonymous, it’s that that makes it feel so great. Have a great day guys. Sorry for all the long blogs, but I just can’t help it. Once I start it’s sometimes hard to stop typing. I mean come on this blog was just for me to tell you, the world, to help me with my rank by voting and here I am still blabbering.

VOTE DAMN IT!!

Say What's On Your MIND!!

Hey, little question. I know there are people reading my blog, but I rarely ever see some comments. Come on you slacker, give me some feed back. I would really love to know what was going through your mind when you were reading and finished reading my mind. I would like to hear your advice on things when I need them. Come on don’t be shy. Voice, well, type your thoughts. No one is here to make fun of you nor tell you to fuck off. We are all entitled to a thought. Mille Grazie.

From yours truly,
CiaFai

It Always Comes In Threes

It always comes in threes.

Sunday Mia and I were invited to my friend Drea’s BBQ. It was also her brother giving the party. I got there at around 6pm and Mia got there at, I don’t even remember. The party started at 4. I had to eat before I went over; heck there was all meat. Couldn’t go over there starved I would have died. I had a great time and we left a bit pass midnight.

On the corner of my house there is this fenced in house, they have this huge rot wilder and well I had seen a different dog that night laying in there on my way home from the BBQ. I saw the owners come out and asked if they had gotten a new dog, she said no that it was a stray and the man who was out there with her said that they think he got hit by a car. This dog looked so sad. I wanted to cry. The woman said she wanted to kill the neighbors because they were bitching that the dog was making too much noise. The poor dog was crying. Probably because he was in so much pain and missed his owner. I just wanted to hug this dog, take him in, but I couldn’t. His chain was broke and he must have ran when that happened. My heart cringed for this dog. I wanted him to find his home. These people had to stay out with the dog all night because the animal shelter wasn’t open till 8 am the next day. Me an Mia walked a few houses down feeling really bad for him. I wanted to put him in my yard, but the woman told me he had fleas. I told her that I don’t think my cat would have liked that. This poor dog. I hope he’s ok now.

We get in and Mia gets into her PJ’s and get on line to check my email hoping someone was asking me to come in for an interview. Yeah right, nothing. My house phone rings and Mia is closest to the phone, She says it’s my sister. My heart stopped, I got nervous. My sister never calls this late. I hear Mia say

“ACCIDENT”

I took the phone and asked her what was going on that she was getting me real nervous.

Her daughter, my four-year-old niece was bit in the face by my sister’s friends dog. She told me that the hole was as big as a dime and as deep as the width of a dime. My stomach turned my chest tightened up I felt sick and felt my asthmas starting to kick in. I was scared. I asked where in her face was she bitten and she said her mouth. I asked how many stitches, she said two. Two? Oh man you got me all scared. Thing is they didn’t close the whole thing because supposedly they don’t normally stitch up dog bites unless it in the face and well the dogs germs need to ooze out and if they had stitched her all up that can’t happen. I just wanted to jump on a plane and hold my niece. I couldn’t do a damn thing. I was helpless. That only made me more nervous. I know she’ll be alright, but that’s not why I felt the way I did. I felt that way, because of what she had gone through.

My sister said that she was playing rough with the dog and ended up tripping and falling on it and the dog bit her. Her husband in the back round said that’s not what really happened. She went to go give the dog a kiss and the dog bit her in her face. All I can say is that I am glad it was only her lip and not her cheek or her nose or her eyes. That the dog didn’t get a big chunk of her face and she would be scarred for life. My sister had to get off the phone because she had to call the hospital and find out what to give her if she is in pain.

I told her to call me right back.

I get back on line and my friend had just IM’d me about how her dog was flipping out because she was trying to put in some medicine in his ear and he didn’t want to have it his ear and she didn’t know what to do.

How weird is that. I walk home and see a stray dog in pain. I felt so bad for it and wished I could take him in, but it was impossible. Then my sister calls me two minutes after that to tell that she just got back from the hospital because her daughter got bit in the face by a dog. My precious niece. I love her so much. Then I get off the phone with my sister to sit in front of this monitor and discover my friend IM’ing me at 12:24 in the morning how her dog is flipping out because of some ear medicine.
Then I was thinking about my dream, that it was my sister and my mother taking the baby off my sister in law’s belly. When my sister had to take her daughter off this dog who was biting her face. Baby crying; remember that, just read my entry below this one… well that was my niece crying in real life. Weird. That’s how I can relate my sister’s meaning to that dream.

NOT YET!

I can’t understand why I cannot dream of the winning lotto numbers. Whyyyyyyyyy???

Friday night or was it early Saturday morning, who the fuck knows? I had a dream of my sister in law who is pregnant. The baby is due in September, I can’t wait to see this precious joy of life come, well really I can, but you know what I mean. I woke up Saturday morning and got all dolled up for a baby shower I had to go to. My sister in law was going to be there, because it was one of her good friend’s baby shower.

I get to my sister in laws house and saw her cute pink dress with her belly popping out. I gave her a kiss and hug and we got into her car. As we sat there I looked at her belly again and it triggered my dream. I told her I had a dream about her and the baby, she didn’t want to hear it because well she knew it was going to come true.

So I told her.

“It was so weird, in my dream your belly was real low, I pointed it out to you and said that the baby is going to come soon, that the baby is going to come now. You told me not to say that and touched your belly and all of a sudden it looked like you had a big pancake in your hand. So weird. I kept telling you the baby is coming now, you didn’t want to hear it.

From the side of your stomach I saw a baby’s head and it started crying. I screamed out that it was crying and my mother and sister came over by you and all of a sudden the baby was wrapped around your belly instead of inside your belly. My mother and sister went to get the baby and I kept screaming for them not to touch the baby that is was too soon, it was like a broken record…. NOT YET… NOT YET… NOT YET… NOT YET…NOT YET. They didn’t listen to me. I saw the baby, he was huge looked just like your first (who will be one soon) but this baby had darker hair, you can actually see his eyebrows. He had big feet and was just a huge baby I was hoping he wasn’t deformed. Then out of nowhere this baby started talking. That’s all I remember.”

She told me not to dream about her or the baby anymore, she said this baby is not coming now, he can’t, and it’s to early. NOT YET!

After I told her about my dream I had asked how she was feeling, she said that her stomach was hurting, but she was thinking it was because she was hungry.

Later on at the baby shower, she was telling me about her sharp pains in her belly. I had asked her if she thought they were contractions. She didn’t know. She never had contractions before, the first baby was a premi and they had to cut him out. I told her it might be gas then. I gave her some seltzer and she said she felt better. Later on closer to the end of the shower, she wasn’t feeling well again. I had told her if she kept feeling this way or if it got worse to call her doctor right away. She promised she would.

After the baby shower I drove back home to lend my Aunt and Uncle from Rome my car so they can do their visits. Mia came to pick me up because we were going by Calogero’s house for dinner. I cooked meatloaf, I know, vegetarian cooking meat. I’m just a fucking fabulous chef. My phone ended up in his bedroom because I had left it on the table we were going to be eating on. Who ever set the table put it in his room. I didn’t know it was in there. I actually forgot about my phone, because it was so quiet. No calls. In all honesty that was weird, but I didn’t pay mind to it. I got home around 3 am and I had seen I had 3 voicemails. I didn’t want to bother, because something was telling me not to listen to them, plus I can’t call anyone back at 3 in the morning. So I went to bed.

9:30 in the morning I get a call. It’s my sister in law.

“Hey CiaFai? I’m in the hospital.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. I jumped up.

“Are you ok? Is the baby ok?”

“You were right they were contractions, so stop dreaming about me.”

“I’m sorry, damn I knew it… why can’t I just dream of the winning lotto numbers?”

They ended up giving her some shots to slow down and hopefully stop her contractions, which were 3 minutes apart and gave her a steroid to help develop the baby’s lungs, because they aren’t developed yet. This baby better not come out yet. He’s not ready physically. His head is in the down position, but he better slow his roll, because all his organs need to develop.
So…isn’t that crazy? Another premonition.