Sorry It Took So Long...

I know. I know, I've taken to long to write. Thing is I really wanted to start writing about happy things, good things. On the contrary, things have not been that way and I thought not to write at all until something happy or good happened. Then I thought I'm neglecting my feelings in general. So here is another sad story for you. Where should I start????

Ok here...

New Year's Eve, I get a phone call that my Aunt in Rome that has lived in America for 13 years who is back home in Rome now has lung cancer. Not a good way to start my New Year's Eve. Mia and I had our grand party. It was great. I was happy but sad at the same time. Midnight came and went, and my eyes were blood shot from crying, though all the drunks in the house thought I might have been drinking way too much. Which wasn't the truth, it was me crying.

Then I had a nice trip. I went flying and landed terribly on my knees. I ripped a nice hole in my expensive pants. I was walking to the train station to go to work. I had a 9am meeting that I came to find out was canceled when I got there. I was walking pretty fast like I normally do. Thing is, this time a piece of cloth was on the floor and the heels from my boots grabbed it as I went flying. I didn't want to fall on my face and I had nothing around me to hold. My lower body twisted to the left and my upper torso faced forward. It all went down in slow motion. I had twisted my knees and ankles. My knees hit the ground and I heard the big bang. Pain isn't even a word that could describe what I felt. I heard a woman scream and I thought she was across the street. When I looked no one was there, I looked forward and saw a woman up the block. This woman saw me fall all the way up the damn block. She came over to me and asked if I was ok. I found a piece of cloth under me, thinking it was my pants. She reassured me that it wasn't but when I looked at my left knee, there it was a nice big hole. I couldn't move at all. So she helped me up and asked if I needed help. I told her that I would sit and then just go home to change my pants. A normal 5 minute walk back to my house took me hmmm... I don't know... an eternity? My knees where numb, I sat on my bed and faced the full length mirrors in front of me. I felt something on my leg. Oh look here, blood dripping all the way down. I took a nice piece of skin off on my knee from that grat big fall. So, like a big dumb dick I went to work. Took off the next day because I was disabled. Stood in bed all day. I couldn't walk normal for about two weeks. Finally went to the doc and she said that I had water in my knees and to see how I would feel in a week. If it was still hurting me she wanted to do an MRI. I thought oh no another knee surgery? Ahhhhh... The next week I suffered and didn't go back. I was afraid that my insurance was going to cost me my leg if I had the MRI and ending up having surgery. My health insurance sucks big fucking hairy distorted balls. So I suffered and went on with my life. Mia moved in that my friend, is the only good thing I can write about. So Mia is in, I was on the phone with my friend Vito talking, catching up on our lives. Haven't heard from him in years. He's in Vegas now and well... my cousin and her bride’s maids and her maid of honor who is me are going to Vegas for her bachelortte party. Vito is hooking us up with a hotel. So nice of him. There I was laying in bed and bull shiting on the phone. A cough here, a cough there, a little wheezing here a little wheezing there, a bigger cough here and a bigger cough there, then oh crapper my chest was going to explode, a big wheezing here, a bigger wheezing there. Vito said he would let me go since he heard my discomfort. It just got worse. My chest was splitting in half I thought I was going to die, all that came out of my mouth was a loud wheezing noise that almost deafened me. I got up and told Mia that I thought I was having an asthma attack. She told me to drink some water. I told her that wouldn't help. I started to cough and well started choking on it and gasping for air. She told me to breathe into a paper bag, I was already in one of the closets looking for an old pump. I couldn't find one. I went and grabbed a freaking paper bag frantically. It didn't work, I drank some water and that didn't work. I looked one more place. The good ol' medicine cabinet. Found some pumps, problem was... they had expired in 2002 and 2003. I took some puffs. It did not relieve any pain in my chest. We joked around about going to the hospital. I think this happened sometime in Feb or January. My chest today is still killing me. I called the doc the next day and found myself in the pharmacy getting my expensive pumps.

My mother is told she needs shoulder surgery. She goes to another doctor and they tell her she needs neck surgery. The woman didn't know which to do first. Then she was scheduled for shoulder surgery. I get a phone call at 9 am on a weekend from my sister. Telling me that my mother isn't feeling well and asked me how much longer do I really think my parents have. You know she was playing that guilt trip thing on me so I could move down to Florida and be with my family. I called my mother. Her blood pressure was high, her sugar was high and her heart rate was high. She woke up feeling dizzy and she was sweating profusely, she couldn't see and felt like she was going to vomit. Everything wasn't going down so I told her to take all her tests again. There were still high. I told her to call my brother and have him bring her to the hospital. She listened. I called my brother two minutes later and he said he was getting ready to bring her to the hospital. She went and was there for like 4 or 5 days, her heart rate was high and never went down till that one day. The doc wanted to stick a tube down her throat and look at her heart, if needed be, they were going to shock her heart so her heart beat could go back to normal. She had an appointment to have it done at 2. They postponed it to 3. The doctor was 15 minutes late. The nurses were there at 10 after 3. They started to hook my mother up. My mother was so scared once she saw all the machines. She thought of my brother Martino. One of the machines made a loud beeping sound. The nurse asked my mother if she was kidding.

"I no KID."

Her heart rate went back to normal. My mother says it was a miracle. I was hoping that maybe my brother Martino helped my mother. The doctors told my mother that if she didn't come to the hospital she would of had a stroke and probably had a good chance of dying. She even had pains from her feet going up her legs, her chest was in tremendous pain. I told my mother, "You see it's a good thing you listened to me." I don't know what I would have done if it went that far.

My Aunt in Rome is on chemo hard core. She's really sick. I just can't bare the pain. She's losing her hair and getting real sick. The doctor opted taking it little by little and give her chemo hard core full blast.

My chest... still killing me. My asthma is here for a while and is just tearing me down.

One of my best friend's father passed away. I spent Valentine's day at a wake.

My 5 month old nephew ended up in the hospital. He had pneumonia. You had to hear the way he was or should I say not breathing. They had him in a gigantic steal bed. with plastic covering him as he sat inside it in his car seat. He needed his oxygen level to be stable. He was there for over a week. I went and held him in the crib, I put my hand on his chest and tried to do some reiki. Doctors said he was doing better the next day. I begged the baby to cough and he did. He's to young to understand to cough it up, but when I asked him he did. Thank goodness. He's home now and is better. Thank goodness, another thing that is good news.

Today, I went Upstate. It was my cousin's children birthday party. It was a good time. Though I felt like shit, I think I'm coming down with something because my freaking chest and back feels like a damn bazooka shot me. On my way home I get a call from my second cousin in Oklahoma. She had asked me about my cousin who had breast cancer, which is her aunt. She had asked me if it was true that she was going to have surgery. I knew nothing of the sort. I called my mother to find out. It was true, the doctor told my cousin that after some test results she has a 90% chance out a 100% that her cancer will come back. If she has surgery to remove both breasts, she has a 45% chance out of 100% for the cancer to come back. So she is going through with it, she is also getting a hysterectomy.

So you see, in general, my health is down shits creek. went to see the holistic doctor. My kidneys are no good, my uterus is no good, my lungs worse and my liver no good. She saw that my heart always palpatates and that I suffer from body pain and head aches and bone aches. My mother almost had a stroke and had a great chance of dying. She just had her shoulder surgery and well isn't well at all. My dad now has been feeling ill for a bit and had some moles or some sort of skin removed from his eye and neck. The doctors are doing further testings on them because they think he has skin cancer, he also has blood in his urine. Things aren't good. That is why I didn't want to write. Now you are sitting here reading another freaking sad story of my life that I thought was going to disappear into a great happy healthy life. 2006 I HATE YOU!