81 and BLIND!

My nerves are shot right now, my insides are shaking and my stomach is twisted. The jerking of an outburst of tears wants to come out of me, but I’m holding it back. I feel like vomiting, but I’m holding that back too. I can’t even think straight and it’s making me sweat.

My little dilemma, an old coworker has spoken the world of me to his company to hire me for a position that might become available, but it will most likely be available. He was my boss` boss. It was great that he thought of me for this position, the thing is, it’s totally in a different environment, different industry that I want to be in.

Just the other day I applied to an open position in an industry that I want to be in. I even know some people at this company. I emailed a friend there to give her the heads up and put in a good word for me. I even know the president of the company, but it’s not like I can shoot him an e-mail nor a phone call and say

“Hey I applied for a job there, and was wondering if you can tell them to hire me.”

I wish it was that easy. So I was suppose to go there today to have lunch with another friend who works there. From that point I was going to make my rounds on saying hello to everyone I know there and well hope that I could apply for some other possible openings at the company. I was also hoping that the department I applied for would be someone who I know. I didn’t get a chance to go today, because my Aunt and Uncle from Rome are here visiting and I lent them my car for a few days, but they bring me to their friend’s house as a guest.

My Aunt and Uncle picked me up around 11:30am today to go have lunch by their friends who live in my neighborhood. Yes that is correct I own this neighborhood. Around four something I had a call on my cell phone with a number I did not recognize. Petrified I didn’t pick it up, because it could have been someone calling for a job opportunity and I wasn’t in the right place to talk. I was staring down at my phone waiting for my voicemail ring to go off. It did. I hit ok and went to voicemail. It was indeed for a job. It was my old boss` boss, who I guess you can say was my boss. He left his cell and work number, just in case, to give him a call tomorrow at work if I couldn’t call him today on his cell. He was on his way back from a business trip. The man called me on his ride home. OH GOODNESS! I didn’t think he was going to call me this soon. I thought he would maybe have called in mid August when he said he would be back from vacation, but he also did say that he might want me to come in before he goes away to meet the president and other people. I know he’s doing this for me, but my thoughts are going all over the place. This job was supposed to be my last resort not my first option. I can’t dick this guy over either. So then I applied, just the other day for this other job of where I really want to be, where I feel I belong. Thing is I don’t know if I’ll even get an interview. So I’m all-nervous now, because what if I go tomorrow and it’s not a hit. I go and don’t get to see anyone because they are too busy to talk to me. They haven’t called me yet for an interview, but this other company from a different industry is highly interested in me. I’m scared to lose an opportunity with where I really want to be, if I take this other job. It’s still early for them to call me for an interview I guess, but I need to know even if I have a chance before this other company gives me an offer. So my nerves are just shot!

I woke up this morning thinking of how to tell my Uncle how I didn’t get much sleep and well I just didn’t feel like going with them to their friend’s house. 10:33am my phone rings and it’s my Aunt.

“Alzatte! Alzatte! Alzatte! Alzatte!” Translation… GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!

In Italian she told me how they were already on the road and going to the bank first and will start coming my way after that.

I felt so bad to say no. I mean who knows when I’ll see them again; they live in Rome for goodness sake and let me tell you, I am glad I did go.

I sat in the passenger seat in my own car as my Uncle drove. We stopped at a bakery and picked up some pastries. We get to the house and my Uncle pulls into the driveway. I had asked if they were sure if it was the correct house. They were sure.

We walked to the back of the house and the garden caught my eye. So many pretty flowers, basil, tomatoes, even squash and more. I really want to hook up my garden, but I need someone to start it off for me, you know turn over the soil. Too much work for me. Giuseppina opened the door and greeted my Aunt then me and then my Uncle. Once we got into the house I noticed the wheel chair at the kitchen table. Giuseppina said she was going to get her husband from his nap that he was relaxing. I knew right there it was his wheel chair. My Uncle then told me that the man Toto was blind. Out comes Giuseppina and Toto from the corridor right out side the kitchen. He could barely walk. He’s an 81 year old man, and I watched this man suffer. My Uncle grabbed Toto’s hand as Giuseppina lead Toto’s hand to his. They embraced and you can feel the love that shined from it. Toto kept kissing my Uncle’s face and wouldn’t let go. My uncle said…

“Ti ho trovato.” Translation…I’ve come to find you. It’s the Italian way of saying hey I’ve come to visit you. There’s so much more meaning and emotions in Italian.

Toto started to cry. I watched him cry as my heart fell apart. He cries out to my Uncle

“E tu mi trovato cosi.” Translation… And you’ve found me like this. Meaning BLIND!

I just wanted to cry, my heart was torn into pieces and brought me such sorrow. Toto finally greets my Aunt and oh well it just got worse. This poor man lost his sight from Diabetes. Three years ago he started to lose his sight, my Aunt and Uncle haven’t seen him for 2 years and well came back to America to find him completely BLIND. I didn’t even know the man and I felt all his pain and wanted to heal him. How could I? I don’t have the power. He finally sat down and my Uncle never let go of his hand. (COMFORT) can you see how different European men are from Americans? Very emotional and caring. My father freaking cried to Pretty Woman when Richard came back to her at the end of the movie. I didn’t even cry! They introduced me to him. I grabbed his right hand and held on to it tight, I squeezed his hand to show him that I cared. I rubbed my thumb over his hand to let him know that my heart is full of love and like I said I care. That I’m a sincere person and I can feel his pain. I was introduced as my Aunt and Uncle’s sister of the nephew who died and that I sang at the church funeral. It was weird to be introduced that way, that the only recognition these people would have of me is my brother’s funeral. My heart sank again.

They told stories and I sat and listened and put in my two cents. Great stories, I would be here all day telling you them. Maybe one day I will. We ate lunch, a feast I should say. My belly was full. It was almost four o’clock and Giuseppina had to pick up her granddaughter at pre-school. My Aunt and I went for the ride. That’s when I got that call. I didn’t answer and then listened to my message. We pick up Chiara and she can’t stop staring at me from outside the car. My Aunt gets out of the car and greets her and asked if the little girl remembered her. She didn’t. She sat in the back seat, and I quickly became her friend. Kids love me. They are so innocent and they can sense things, she felt comfortable with me as soon as she sat next to me. We looked at all her work she did for the day and she explained to me all the things they were. We get home and she gives my Uncle a great big hug and kiss. She was then told to give her grandfather Toto a hug and kiss. As I watched her go around the table Toto had his arms out where she was just standing and asked her for a hug. He didn’t even know that she had moved from there to go around the table to hug him. It was so sad. He called her his precious child. She brings him so much joy.

Chiara sat next to me and ate her pasta with sauce, she would slurp it and sauce would go all over her face. It was a Kodak moment so I took my Uncle’s camera and took a shot. It came out awesome. After she finished she wanted me to color with her. After Chiara gave her grandfather a hug and kiss a minute passed and he asked where I had went, asked if I left. They all said no that I was right here. I was right there, I just wanted to cry. I was sitting about 5 feet away from him. He said he didn’t know because he didn’t hear my voice. I watched him the entire time and felt all the pain. When we were eating his wife had asked him if he wanted some food that was on the table and he said

“Che voglio io non c’e.” translation… what I want isn’t here, another way of saying it is, what I want there isn’t any. Meaning his sight. He made a few comments about how he wanted his sight back. You can see the agony in his face, the cloud that covered his eyes. If I can only put my hands on him and he could see, if I could give my sight to him for a day and get it back I would. For him to see his granddaughter, his children, his wife, his family and friends, for him to see my Aunt and Uncle that he hasn’t seen in two years. I would have.

I didn’t get to finish coloring because my Uncle wanted to leave, he didn’t want to hit traffic. He had to get on an expressway to go back to where he was staying. Chiara had put a sticker on my shirt and then I picked one out and put it on her lapel of her shirt. We became best friends. She really liked me, she even put her foot on my leg while she was coloring. I told her I had to go, and she was sad,

“You’re leaving me?”

“Yes, Chiara, I’m sorry I have to go, maybe I can come by at another time.”

I had asked my Aunt if she was going to come back before she goes back to Rome. She isn’t. I felt so bad. I said my goodbyes to Giuseppina with an embrace and kiss on the cheek. Told her it was a pleasure to meet her and thanked her for hospitality. She hugged me and said the same and said

“Tu sei simpatica.” Translation…you are sweet, kind, sincere, loving.


I thanked her and gave her another hug.

Toto was in his wheel chair and I had bent over and grabbed both his hands and gave him a hug and told him it was me. He grabbed me and gave me kisses on my neck and that’s only because of the way I was bending over, he finally found my face and kissed me on my cheek telling me that he really loved meeting me and to come back for them to see me, come around for a cup of coffee. I then kissed him back on his cheek. I agreed and thanked him as I walked away with a broken heart wishing that one day in some miraculous way he could get his sight back. He couldn’t see me, he didn’t know me, but he felt it in his heart to invite me over again.
As I watched him the entire time, I zoned out of some of their conversation and tried to close my eyes and live in his world. I looked at the table cloth and traced the colorful flowers and wondered if he could ever see this ever again. If he remembers colors, if he remembers how his family looks. If he can just remember. If he can escape being BLIND!!

BIG MAC and BRUCE

So Hope had to bring in her car to the dealership today to get her car serviced. Charlie C-mac a.k.a. as I like to call him BIG MAC and I became on-line friends. It’s all Hopes fault! Thanks Hope. Anyhoots. Hope turned BIG MAC onto my blog and KABANG we’ve been on-line friends since. So since we were in the area Hope and I went to go visit BIG MAC.

We finally get to his house, starved. Hope rang his bell as I called him up on my cell. I wasn’t sure if it was the right entrance to his apartment. He answered the door with Bruce working his way down the stairs. I was the first to walk up the stairs, and I was hoping you couldn’t see up my skirt. Though there was shorts sewn in, it was a bit baggy and well you can get a little show. Nice welcoming home, especially the dog sniffing your feet. Thought the poor animal was going to croak. These 9west sandals make my feetsies stink. Heck that is not my fault! I have clean feet, I make sure of that. So Bruce survived the sniffing of my feet that he infatuated every 2 minutes till BIG MAC tied me up and threw me in his closet and said

“SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH OR ELSE I’LL SHOOT YOU.”

Ok no not really, such a thing never happened. The dog sniffing that is, no really the stuffing me in the closet didn’t happen. I would have kicked his butt before he could blink. We decided on going to an outside restaurant for lunch. The place was closed, so we ended up on BIG MAC’s first suggestion. I had a spicy shrimp quesedilla , Hope had an asparagus grilled shrimp salad. BIG MAC had a chicken wrap. We all ate like pigs and then went driving around thinking of going to the boardwalk and ended up in another spot that had desserts. I was craving a Belgium waffle so that’s what I got, so did BIG MAC and Hope got some big glass full of chocolate ice cream. Oh yeah and there was ice cream and the works on the Belgium waffle. Mmm mmmm good! I almost ate the whole thing, but just eating a few minutes before I couldn’t take another bite. No one actually finished their desserts. We sat there and shared stories.

BIG MAC, was telling us about how his mom used to talk to cold cuts, and how she took his bed apart one night and scattered it all over the house just to play a joke. It was funny shit. Sounds like something I would do to my kids or friends. He told us about his hurricane story and how his mom cooked everything in the freezer because she thought they weren’t going to have no power and they had to eat everything in there before it all defrosted and went bad, so there he was BIG MAC as a little boy with ice cream in one hand and stuffing his face alternately with a hot dog as the stove had something boiling on it. EAT! EAT! EAT! So when his mom found out that there was no hurricane, she was like OH SHIT!! All the food was gone by then.
BIG MAC thought Hope and I were a riot, a comedy act. We kept him entertained being ourselves, much from what he thought I was from reading my blog. It’s funny, how someone pictures you in his or her mind from reading your “what’s on your mind” blog. He thought I was dark and mysterious. Well in some way I am, but very open on another hand. We clicked and I knew we would. If not I wouldn’t have even bothered becoming his on-line friend. Bruce, his dog on the other hand actually found something in me. I felt like I could see right through this dog, he was looking at me different from the way he would look at Hope and BIG MAC. He looked at me intensely, and I felt a bark coming right before he did. I knew he sensed something. I knew before he even spoke. You might think I’m some crazy whacked out bitch talking about dogs speaking to me. I really don’t give a fuck. I made an excuse saying that he might have sensed my cat, but I know it wasn’t that. It was like I saw someone else in this dog and of course I couldn’t say anything to Hope and BIG MAC. Well I couldn’t tell them there, and I never got the chance, but they’ll find out when they are reading this blog. Bruce is a cute beagle and well young in his eyes. He is protective, like any dog I know but this one is a bit different. I wonder if he acted all weird after we left. I can’t explain really what it is I found in Bruce, but it’s not a bad thing. I just find things in people and animal that are deep inside. In some sort of weird way I felt that he didn’t like me, but I think it was because I brought in some energy that he had to check out that he couldn’t recognize but wanted to let me know that this was his place. Besides the sniffing my toes he seemed to be very fond of Hope. It was great seeing her with him. It brought out her kindness to the surface and her love. Too bad, I saw deeper than just a cute little dog. It sucks at times when you just can’t sit down and enjoy what’s around, but wonder who is really behind someone’s eyes.

SHE'S BACK!!

I came home today from trying on brides maid dresses and putting down a down payment to the final decision. Like an ass, I locked myself out of the house. I realized it as soon as I heard the door behind me shut. Fucking shit! Ah what a dick. That would be me at this particular moment as I stand there in my hallway hoping that miraculously my keys would appear in my tiny black purse. My poor cat was scratching the door meowing for me. Oh how I love that kid. Yeah that’s right, she’s my child. It was the cutest thing how she was trying to reach for the doorknob with her claws and screaming for me. She knew I was in trouble and well; it just broke my heart listening to her get upset on the other side of the door. I couldn't do anything and neither could she.

I stayed in the hallway because the scorchering heat was not in favor for my tired body. I called my cousin letting her know like a bid dumb dick I locked myself out and couldn't get to the bank to get money for the down payment. I finally thought of calling one of the other bridesmaids and asking if she could pick me up and bring me to the bank. Thank goodness she did. So I called my roommaker and told him that I was locked out and to let me know when he would be home, so I can get in and if I finish before he gets out of work, I would pass by and pick up his keys.

He was home before I was. He opens the door and we walk in. He tells me that my computer went on all by itself once again.

“Again?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn't this like the 4th time?”

“NO, it’s been going on by itself a lot even when you weren't here.” Meaning when I was away in Florida for 2 and half weeks.

So, I'm already convinced there’s a ghost in the house from when I first moved in here, but she hasn't been bothering us for a while. Though I know she’s here, she hasn't done anything. I guess she got lonely and wanted some attention. Maybe that’s why my cat doesn't sleep on my bed anymore. It was my cat’s haven, my bed that is. She evens slept on my bed when I wasn't home, now she doesn't even want to get on it at all. It’s so weird.
I miss her keeping me company, it brought me comfort knowing I wasn't alone.

LADY

Before I left for Florida, I had asked my friend if she could baby sit my car. I couldn’t keep it by my house because of that stupid alternate side parking bullshit. By the way, they do a horrible job cleaning the streets, do they even come around? I mean come on, those people who drive those big trucks don’t really come around I’ve never seen them. The reason I know is because I have no life and stay home during the hours they are supposedly cleaning the streets. That’s what happens when you have no job. So they never come around and you forget to get up and move your car and get a nice big ticket. Not fair. So my friend agreed to have my car by her house since she doesn’t have alternate side parking. When I came back, I had a friend drop me off by her house to pick up my car. I found it and I found a lot of bird shit on it too. I was thinking I should think positive, it’s good luck. Good luck my ass! People only say that so you don’t feel bad. My car has been shitted on what’s so good about that? So as I was driving back home with no windshield wiper fluid, I was hoping I wouldn’t get into an accident. Even my front windshield was covered in bird shit. I took my baby to the car wash. She came out and well looky here, bird shit still on there. What the fuck do these birds eat?? I mean even the acid spray they put on it didn’t take it off. I was so pissed. My car is going to be ruined. How the hell does bird shit not come off especially with acid??

I’m outside watching the dudes wipe her down and spray a lot of the acid on the shit, as I was watching I saw an old elementary school friend’s mother walk by with her grandson. It was my old elementary school friend’s son. I can’t get over how everyone is even married now. Having kids, well that’s another crazy thing, I still feel like we’re still young, but we are not. I greet her and she is happy to see me, like always. I asked if that was the son of the boy I went to school with. It sure was. He was crying because he wanted his mommy. She was holding a cup of vanilla ice cream from Carvel with a spoon hanging in it. She took a dollar out of her pocket to give it to the crying boy, he must have been 3 or 4 years old. He didn’t want it, so she put it back in her pocket and he went right for her pocket like hey what are you doing, that’s mine. So she went back into her pocket and gave him all the money she had in her pocket so he can stop crying. He took the money but kept crying. Guess that didn’t work. I tried talking to him to calm him down, I had his attention but still he was upset. She said,

“Look, the lady is saying hello, she’s daddy’s friend from school.”


LADY??? Holy crap I was just called LADY, it felt so weird. I was wondering if she couldn't remember my name, that might be the case. Funny. I told her to tell her son I said hello, she will relay the message. Let’s just hope she remembers my name.

Where Is It?

I never understand what happens to all the missing things in my house. I mean I have a knife set and some are missing. I don’t remember going to West Bubbah Fuck with a few of my knives and some how left them in someone else’s kitchen sink Where do they go? It’s like my closet; I swear there’s a whole somewhere in there. I put my clothes away and poof I can’t find that one shirt that goes great with these damn pants. Like this one dress I had worn to a wedding, I actually wore it twice to two different parties and when my cousin wanted to borrow it, I couldn’t find it. Where the heck did it go? I remember it being in the laundry bag with the clean clothes and I thought I put it in my closet, but apparently it’s not there. Money, that’s another thing. You put it in that secret hiding spot and poof some of it’s missing and you know you haven’t touched it because you’ve been saving it and know exactly how much there is, how many 20’s there are how many 50’s and if you’re lucky enough know how many 100’s you have. I really want to know where all the missing things go from my house. I mean I doubt the ghost has anything to do with it. That’s another thing, how come they get to live here with out paying rent. Not fair.

Will It?

I started thinking again. Problem. There are times when I go to bed and wish there was someone there to hold me. Then I think about how I’ve been teased by loved. I met someone that everyone says I had fallen for. I thought I wasn’t because we were never really together. What I mean by that is in a relationship. We did see each other and every single time we did it was like seeing each other for the first time over and over again. That giddy feeling, that please don’t leave feeling. The lost feeling in his kiss. His sincerity, the way he finished my sentences, his eyes, his whole self, just him. How he told me with out words how he felt about me. There would be times we didn’t see one another for a year and when we were together again after all that time, it was like we just saw each other yesterday. That I can’t breathe feeling when I think of him and how everything in the room seems to disappear when we are together. That one night he picked my nose; I knew he was the one. Problem was we met in the wrong lifetime. There is so much I felt that words can not express, but like I’ve always said, he was here to show me what it feels like to find love and once it comes my way again, I’ll know what it is. Thing is, I have to find it again, I mean wait for it again. Will it ever come my way AGAIN?

Everyone But Me.

As the water from the showerhead slowly drips drop by drop on my body, my tears soak me. I’m standing there with my chin up and mimicking an enchanted spell hoping to rid the pain inside. I made it up from listening to what I hear deep inside me. I hope to walk away feeling free, but I don’t. It didn’t work. I walked away with the pain still lingering inside me wondering why. Why do I have to feel this way? Why is it that everyday the weakness is conquering my mind? I feel like a child, fragile and confused of what is what. I try to sleep and I find my eyes cringing. Am I trying so hard? Why the nightmares? I dreamt last night that I got my self all caught up in a caution tape and it was attached to these humungous speakers that where about to fall on me because I was tugging on the tape. Everyone else went through it with out a problem but me.

ROMMMAKER

My family is the best with broken English. Though my mom lives in Florida and I don’t get to talk to her every single day I still correct her on the phone. Like when she talks about Ft. Lauderdale her and my uncle which is her brother call it. Fort. Fofolauderdala. It’s funny shit. When my mom would say

“Frix”

I would say “No ma, its fix”.

“Oh ok, Frix”

Till this day she still says frix. Every time she talks about my roommate, she says

“Ehh yourah ROOMMAKER….”

“No ma, it’s roooommmm mmmmmate!”

Again till this day she still says roommaker. My roommate apparently makes rooms now. So I have my uncle here from Florida and he’s been sporting that word all weekend.

“ROOMMAKER”

Ahh La Bella Vita.

MY POOR TOES

Ohhhhhhhhhleee SHIT!! What I hate about going out, is the next morning. Ok so when you go out and drink, it feels like your eyes are about to pop out of your head and your heart just can’t stop racing. Let me not forget the shits. As I was laying on my futon I thought there was a motorcycle passing by my house. It ended up being my stomach making that grand noise. One of the top things I hate about going out to a club or anywhere crowded is the stepping on my feet deal. When a guy does it, it hurts and you give them that dirty look. When a girl does it with her (at the time it seems like the pointiest sharpest cut you like a fucking knife) heal, you feel the pain for that split second and then lift up your foot a bit, and she puts her hand on your shoulder and says she’s really sorry, you let it go, I mean it WAS an accident. Now for the more I hate it part of that, is in the morning while you are taking your shower. As the water bathes your body, you have this burning sensation on your toes. In agony you wonder what the fuck is wrong, then you look down to discover you have deformed looking toes now, that all of a sudden grew twice it’s size and is red with some skin missing. How the fuck can you’re little toes get so fucked up?? I mean those damn heals are a fucking killer, I put tea tree oil on them and almost punched the shit out of the wall from the pain. Now I have no choice but to wear sandals today that will not touch the bruise. I hate that shit! There is so much that I could name that I hate about going out, but the best part is having a great time with your friends.

He Saved My ASS!!!

Calogero saved my ass. Literally! Last night I went to see Tim Rex perform with Veronica singing. I met a guy, well I met him a while back and then that was it and then I had seen him again last night. We ended up leaving the club and walked on the beach. I had to take my heals off, and once my feet hit the sand it felt so good. We sat down in the sand and kissed. As we kissed I was taking in all the sounds around me. As the waves hit and the air just blew by. I thought wow I've always wanted to do this. Then I thought, wow I wish I can actually feel something in the kiss. It was just a kiss and though he was a good kisser, it just wasn't there. Understand? It’s sad but I just kept kissing him thinking that if I kept on maybe some feeling would show up, but it didn't. He’s a nice guy too, but honestly, like Cher’s song it has to be in his kiss.
Ok so now to the ass saving. As we were on the beach, I kept getting text asking where the heck I was, so I told Calogero. Then he called telling me to come back. So I did. This guy was so nice he puts my shoes back on me. So nice. Any hoots, I finally find Calogero and told him I really had to pee. So he told me the bathroom was in the back. I told him to come with me. So he did. We asked the dish boy if there was a bathroom that I could use and he said no. I was dying. I was in a lot of pain, I have this tendency to pee right away so if I hold it too long it hurts. So anyway, Calogero said to go behind this big truck, I was mortified. I didn't want to but I had no choice. The club closed and there was nothing else open. Dying, so I went. He stood in front of me blocking me and was the look out. While in mid stream he told me to pick it up. I couldn't. So I finally finished and as I was pulling my pants up some guy cop saw my ass!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. He asked me if I had I. D. and I said of course I do. So he told me to come around. There was another cop there and Calogero was talking to him he must have pulled out his badge and showed them and told them that the place wouldn't let me use their bathroom. So as I walked over I apologized and told them that I really had to go and this place wouldn't let me use the bathroom what was I to do? So the cop said it was ok not to worry. Thank goodness Calogero pulled out his badge. He saved my ass!

Getting To Know Me

Dear Poo,

Let me see, why am I friends with such a crazy nut?!? First of all, I was drawn to your knee and I figured the only way I could touch it was if I became your friend. LOL!!!

Honestly though, you have such personality and such an ability to make people feel so welcome. You opened your heart and your home to me from the very first day I met you almost 15 years ago. You are my friend, my sister and my daughter. Now most will say, how can someone be all those things but they don't realize that in a true friendship the person becomes all that and so much more to you. You are my friend because you have always been there for me through all the good, the bad and the down-right ugly times in my life. You are my sister because you go above and beyond the bounds of friendship when you let me cry without shame on your shoulder, when you make me laugh when no one else can, when you can tell what I am thinking and what I am feeling without my uttering a word. You are my daughter because I am there for you when you need me. I will feed you when you are hungry, take care of you when you can't take care of yourself, talk to you when it's late at night and you've parked your car 5 blocks away from home. I know the real you and I can see buried inside the tough exterior you portray to others that there is a fragile girl with a warm heart and a gentile soul. I am lucky to know you, lucky you allow me to be apart of your life and lucky to call my friend.

The person who said you are not a true friend doesn't know what the word means and therefore cannot comprehend how true a friend you are. He doesn't deserve to have you in his life or to call you a friend. There is no one truer than you Poo! I love you dearly and would be absolutely lost without you!

Love,
Me

well since we grew up in the same neighborhood and became very good friends (like family) that is why we are still friends.. i see you as a great person, loving, kind and always there for anyone. sometimes abit strange (crazy ciafai) but we all can be some times depending on our moods and how we are feeling which is normal for anyone. i think our families always were great together through our good times and our bad times and we have had bad times losing loved ones so dear to us and friends that we knew for so long. seeing our friends and families grow together has been so nice to watch. i think our neighborhood was very close knitted and true and we have had lots of fun and great memories, so dont let anyone who doesnt want to be a part of our life (be in it). we dont need them.. we have distanced abit since your family has moved but your all in our thoughts every day.

keep in touch and enjoy your life

Well to answer your questions..we are not only friends but also sisters because you are someone that can be forever trusted and would give anyone the shirt off your back. You have a warm heart and sometimes people can take that for advantage. But just know that I am always here for you whenever you need me.....oh and one last thing...you make the best guacamole dip..LOL By the way...who did you remove from your life?

Talk to u laters..

The Dream Strikes Again!

It was Wednesday and it was my last night in Florida, I slept on the couch. My aunt and uncle from Rome were sleeping in the guest room, which is really my room when I’m there, but I have sacrificed it for the couch. My niece and nephew slept on the pull out bed in the living room, which by the way is sooooooooooo uncomfortable. I’ve experienced some waking mornings on it with a stiff neck or an uncomfortable whole body ache. Wednesday morning I had told my mother and aunt about a dream. My aunt told me that it meant that people were talking bad about me. So Thursday morning when I woke up I wanted to let my mom and aunt know about another dream I just had.

I never got the chance to tell them since I sun bathed for an hour and then well ate lunch and then got ready for my flight home. It slipped my mind to tell you the truth. I just ignored the dream.

Last night, I was lying in bed, in my own bed I must add, thinking of an old coworker and the reason was because she was in that very same dream I neglected to tell my mom and aunt. I tried remembering the dream and her in it. I saw her sitting the way I saw her in my dream. All I saw was her profile as she faced forward which was my right. That’s all she did. Then I tried to remember the rest. I knew there was a killing or someone dead in my dream, but I couldn’t remember. Then I finally remembered some of it when my missing luggage from the airport entered my mind. Yes, when I got back home my niece and nephew’s luggage was on the belt, but mine had seemed to disappear. I had checked all three at curb side, and even tipped the dude. So how is it that those two were on the belt but mine wasn’t? It’s because I have no luck. When my sister and my and I were playing cards I was losing, I had told my mom you know that saying unlucky in card lucky in love, but in my case I’m unlucky in cards and unlucky in love, I’m just unlucky. But of course this was all said in Italian and I just kept saying UNLUCKY through out the whole card came. It was funny, you had to be there. So anyway, my unlucky luggage was nowhere to be found.

From what I remember, here is Wednesday night’s dream.

I was in someone’s house, a friend’s, I think, and I had my luggage on the floor, but the weird thing was it was black and not red like the one I really have. There were people around, but I can’t remember any faces, I remember my old coworker just sitting in another room facing forward not saying a word, like if she was dazed out. Then there was this guy sitting at the table with a baby in his arms. So I sat next to him and started talking, about what I have no idea. I can’t remember. All I remember was putting my cheek on his shoulder for a minute, like if he needed consoling. For some reason, I took my cell phone and went outside. I stepped out and came right back in. When I came back the lights were all out and no one was there, my luggage was open with nothing in it. I flipped out. These fuckers stole my shit and ran. For some odd reason in my head I knew it was this girl who once fucked me over with a lot of money in the past. I was fuming. I get a call and it’s Mia and Anne. They called to tell me that on there way to where ever I was, they found a decapitated head on a telephone line outside the house, you know the one people throw their sneaker on. I was mortified, not only was my stuff missing, there was a killer out there. Ahhh what the fuck? So I go outside, and this time when I went out, I walked out of my childhood home. I saw diagonally across my house the head on the telephone line. It was the dude’s head I was just sitting next to in the house. I was in shock. So I said we had to call for emergency. So as I was on the phone, Mia and Anne started laughing. I looked at them and they said,

“Oh my… it’s not a real head, I swear when we came here it looked like a real head.”

I looked up and saw a mask, it wasn’t real. That’s all I remember.
Thursday afternoon after my flight was delayed, of course why wouldn’t my flight be? I get home and wait for my luggage on the belt. Not there. Wow that’s great. When my niece, nephew and I walked into baggage claim there was my brother holding his 11 month old son in his arms, hmmm weird, like my dream. Then as I went to the belt, Mia called me while I waited for my well missing luggage. Hmmm, missing luggage just like my dream, and Mia on the phone with me when it all happened. So I only wondered whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I can’t dream of the lotto numbers. Plus I need to give my old coworker a call to see how she’s doing, because according to my dream she was in a daze.

THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, I’m the girl who has a lot of time on her hands, so I thought to share my life with the blogging world. I thought to put my creative writing into something that would have readers from all over the world caught up on my writing and always wondering what will be next. Well “the a lot of time on my hands” comes from a long lost friend that has disappeared from my heart. As you already know from reading my blog that this isn’t to pass time. This is called being creative, using my mind and expressing my feelings and at times, it’s my escape from my crazy life, it’s my hobby and love for writing. For all you new readers thank you for entering my mind. I hope you enjoy your reading and come back again.

So this wonderful story reflects on that song “This Is The Song That Never Ends”

This is the song that never ends. It goes on and on my friends. Someone started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

(start at top again)

Ok so it’s Frick That Never Ends. So Hope already told him long ago to stop.

Stop calling me.Stop texting me.Stop harassing me.Stop all communication with me.Stop! Stop! JUST STOP!

It’s been a very long time since she has even spoken to him. She has come to ignore all his crazy texts as if they are still friends. He text her as if they just had a conversation about what he just text her. He text her what he’s doing that day. She doesn’t give a fuck and why hasn’t he given up?

As you know he text me all that great stuff about how shallow I am and how I am Cancer and well how he told me to blow him. That is where I cut him out of my life. He then e-mails me this pitiful email, trying to make it look like how he’s apologizing for cursing at me, but he will not apologize for the way he feels. Well that I don’t ask for, I don’t even want an apology for anything, once I cut you out, you’re out. No one and I mean NO ONE curses me out and tells me that I am not a true nor a good person. Make up lies and try to make me look like the bad person. I don’t need someone who is filled with anger to take that shit out on me. I don’t need people to tell my friends not to trust me because he isn’t happy with the truth I have told him and her and now the world. NO ONE CROSSES ME! I had a birthday that just passed. In my invitation I was in a ruffled underwear and only angel wings. Implying that I am an ANGEL. I also put at the head of the invitation what my definition of ANGEL is to me.

Angel – (my definition of Angel) A pure innocent soul that lives forever. A soul that lives in a person who is filled with goodness and with tremendous love and the reason for their life is to help others. Once they die, their soul forever lives on where they become a guardian spirit that continues its reason it was born.

In my life, I’ve always put myself last. I’m still all the way in the back of the line, and I never care that I’m so far. Though I don’t believe in a god and all that religious stuff, I do believe that there is a reason why everyone is here. My reason was and still is to be a shoulder to cry on, to be there for everyone and help them in any way they need and I can possibly give them. My mother always tells me that, I should really stop doing all that I do, because you don’t think about yourself and in the end you always get kicked in the ass. I strongly agree with my mother on getting kicked in the ass, but I must add that I get kicked real hard. I don’t do these things because I want something in return, I do them because I want too and it makes me feel good when I see someone else happy. I don’t do it to get rewarded, I don’t do it to make people like me, I don’t do it because it’s the right thing to do, I do it because it’s in my heart.

My point is, if there is anyone in my life who will try to destroy that or twist that reason, they do not deserve to be part of my life. I really wish I could have helped Frick, but the only person who can help him is himself. I tried shedding the truth on him, but he did not want to see or hear it, so to him that makes me untrustworthy to him. He has said many negative and despiteful things about me and all of it is not true, so instead of acting like him (a child) I chose to be who I really am and that is me. I am a true soul that is filled with goodness and with tremendous love, I am innocent within my heart and my mind follows. I will show you how my true friends, who are real people and see me for the real person I am and not the fictional shallow person Frick has sketched me to be. I sent out this very email to a few friends and I will blog every single reply that I get back to you. Not only to prove to you that I am not what Frick thinks I am, but only because for you to get to know me as the person behind all these words and where I come from. The only thing that you do not know is my real name. Though I’m anonymous I want you to know the person I am. You don’t need to see me to know me. You just need to get in my mind.

Now back to Frick. After sending me that wonderful email, he forward it to Hope. While all that is going on, he still tries calling her and well text her all the time. This is all after she said she wants nothing to do with him anymore and to stop. She’s told him many times. Hope is going insane. After forwarding my email he’s been emailing her. Hope blocked him. She couldn’t take it anymore, he just doesn’t understand the meaning of stop. Hope calls me today and tells me all about the new email. Once you are blocked, you get a message saying your message will not go through. You will know that you are blocked from the person you are sending your email to. So what does he do? He sends that email after that reply your are blocked message and emails Hope on her other email address. Isn’t it obvious that she doesn’t want to talk to you???? He doesn’t give up - “This Is The Song That Never Ends”. Hope wanted me to blog his email and of course I have to put in my two cents. My comments will be in italics. At the very end I will share with you my email I had mentioned above that I had sent to a few of my friends with their reply. But here come Frick first.

“hey Hope,a little birdie told me that we needed to talk.they also told me that the only way i could talk to you is if i appolgize to CiaFai....because you listen to what she says.thats is vry true.i do agree wit that .to an extent.maybe now you can understand why it hurt me so much when she told me and you the only reason i opened a recording studio was to control you.that was wrong you know that .u also know how much that upset me.so i can not appologize for the way i feel. (he keeps infatuating on that, I never said that to him) how ever i do appologize for maybe (he said maybe? That shows that he doesn’t really mean it) cursing her in a way that only belittles myself.believe it or not im not that much of a brut.so what do you say .how about taking a step back and looking at the whole picture andsaying .was i really that bad. (is he on some kind of fucking drug, does he not see he is making himself look crazy and obsessive?, he is obviously blind and stupid and thinks he’s going to trap her with his manipulative email.) did i not always look out 4 you .were my intentions always bad and never good.i know you know that isnt true. (does he honestly think because he did good things that the bad doesn’t count, Frick it’s the other way around) look i would like to have a normal conversation with you. (how can she, when he is not normal?) because i know we always have had our ups and downs.is it really hopeless..i m not asking for you back i just think we owe it to our selves to figure out whats going on with our lives.(he doesn’t need to know shit about her life it’s over between them, like he said from his other text and emails that he’s going on, going on my fucking flat ass) furthermore you need to stick up for me a little more.honestly (Why should she stick up for someone who is making her feel that he’s damaging her soul?) Hope your friends are not always what they appear to be. (that’s because we are true and real not like him which he believes he is, but he doesn’t know the true meaning of those words as you can see) and if i have a problem with your friend.well i hope that doesnt mean i have a problem with you.think Hope will ya.there are different levels of trust out there.i learned that the hard way in life.i never hurt you,(NEVER??? HE EMOTIONALLY KILLED HER) always wanted the best for you.lets stop pretending im the big bad wolf please.we were broken up.and its because you broke up with me.(Yeah so get over it and leave her alone) and i still came to you when you needed me.(that’s because she tried to be friends with him, but that obviously didn’t happen) i dont want to go in circles Hope.im not going to be alone forever 1111 says that.i learnt from alot of mistakes through out the years and i know you have as well . and the truth has always came out.in these times that might be somewhat difficult for me (difficult time - meaning don’t take shit out on other people and that includes Hope and me, but you did fucker) i do know one thing everythingf is going to b e alright.,(So leave Hope alone!) because we really are two really good honest people.def not shallow like most of the rest of this world.i have alot of shallow people around me in my life right now.(he doesn’t even know what shallow means) when i go to them for help instead of helping they take a piece of me.but thank god for the few that are true friends the ones that i know who will always have my back when it comes to serious situations . they remind me .thank god who i really am.(the Dr. Jekyl side maybe) you have known me for a long time Hope and take this advice the same way an old timer gave it to me.no one is never going to tell you to clean your face so that yo will look better then them.stop being shy call me. (SHY? HELLO THE GIRL BLOCKED YOU NEVER PICKED UP YOUR CALLS NEVER REPLIED TO YOUR CRAZY TEXTS. SHE TOLD YOU SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! SHE IS NOT BEING SHY.) because you know as well as i know you r strong and beautiful.and i promise to clean my face as well as yours: ) only if you clean mine too.you can start by sticking up for me with your buddy who s got me on some web site.a can you say some ones got just a little too much time on her hands.lol.(I’VE ANSWERED TO THIS ABOVE) i have actually been very busy believe it or not .by the lenth of this e mail it wouldnt seem it .lol.but im hustler (ok jerky, the meaning of that is TO TRICK )and thats whats i do best.you know me no girl means a whole lotta work.then again with a girl means a whole lotta work lol.any way you would be proud of me.i know i have not asked at all about your music but just so you know i still support it the same way i always had.R.S.V.P. “ (what is this a freaking invitation???)

So this is the last that I will write about Frick, because I need to stop writing about someone who doesn’t even deserve to be spoken about with my own breath I rather breathe in fresh air than toxic idiotic Frick. Time to start writing about positive people and intelligent things in my life and removing the drama. R.I.P Frick DRAMA.

Here is a little bit about me, this is for all you readers who found this anonymous blog. Welcome and Thank you.

Hello Everyone, Ok, so I'm doing this thing only for my own wondering mind. I've always wanted to do this, but never really did it till now. There are all those emails that are sent out with questionnaires asking us about ourselves, but you see, I want to know how everyone sees me, why they are friends with me. Ok.. ok... for those who know me really well know that there is another and better reason why I want all of you to reply to this email describing me and why you are my friend. Those related well you had no choice being part of me and to be family. LOL, but yes you too must participate in this.

Just this week, someone who I have removed from my life had called me names and said in all that I am not a true or good person. So, though I don't give a flying fuck what that particular piece of shit said, I just needed a little recap why I have so many great friends like you. So go crazy and describe me as you see and feel me, and I don't mean touching me. Tss Tss. I know some of you wise cracks will probably say some funny shit, but please include honesty. Now I also know that you are probably thinking CRAP CiaFai what did this fucker do to you to totally take him out of your life? Let's just say I don't deserve to be put down, so I'm asking you tell help bring me back up where I belong and that's surrounded by true people like you. Love you all. CiaFai

The replies….

Where do I begin. I'm sorry that someone has decided to describe you in that way but from what I know you to be, you are very loving, loyal, and sacrificing. I have witnessed it when we worked together, and even though we had our "play" fights like everyday, I always knew you would be a good friend and that you would help me if I ever needed it and vice versa. That is just who you are and that's why we're friends. There's all kinds of people in this world, some like this person you disowned and others like you. I prefer you, besides, you can sing pretty well too.

we are friends cuz u r a great person both inside & out. you are so pure and funny and never judges me for the choices i have made in my life. you respect me and with you i know i can have a good time and forget of my sorrow & worries, i am glad that you are in my life and most of all thank you so much for singing to my tummy when i was pregnant, no one did that and it made me feel good. i know this email will not do you justice because you are more than some words. i love you and care about you and the stupid person who shut u out of their life will regret it and it is their lose. anywayz, i hope this gives you some comfort and we are friends and will always be friends.

love you & miss you

Because you always welcome new people in your life with open arms...because you accept people for who they are, you would drop everything you are doing to be there for a friend in need...even if that means sacrificing your personal time, because you have a ray of light around you, you bring strength to me (and I'm sure others as well), you are so damn frieken funny, your silly ways make me laugh, your non-caring attitude about not being proper in front of people is actually inspiring!, because you're loyal and never talk shit about anyone...because you give everyone the benefit of the doubt if they mess up, you always answer your phone!!!!...lol you're always there for family celebrations, your loving and lovable, you have a big heart and are sensitive, you make people feel comfortable...you welcome everyone in your home and are very hospitable (and will cook them pasta with freiken pepperoncini if they're hungry dammit)...because you're such a damn good cook that you make me eat things I hate lol! because you are a genuinely deep and beautiful person. What can I say....because you are.............you.

ok who is he and where can I find him? CiaFai what the hell is going on? I leave for a couple of years and you let people get to you. what the fuck.... But ok ok I will tell you why we are friends your loyal, Honest, straight forward, you've ALWAYS been there for me, I know you like forever I was 3 you were 4. your sincere, loving, sweet, funny, crazy(in a good way),weird (once again in a good way), eccentric , original & You've been the greatest person and friend & Sister I could ever have. I Love You Man! NOW tell me what jackass dis-respected you so I could jump on a plane with my son, and he could bite his ankles while mommy kicks his ASSSSSSSSSSS.

Let me at that son-of-a-bitch!!! Are you kidding??? Someone cursed you out??? We all get on each other's nerves at one time or another but I definitely believe the complete opposite of what that person said about you. If there is anyone who is realer and truer than you, I don't know them.....well maybe me!!! lol You are never afraid to speak your mind or do the things you wanna do, no matter what anyone thinks. I believe that you are a very good hearted person and you would do anything for anyone, who is worth it of course! Again, same as me!!! lol I use to care what people would say about me, but not anymore. I know who I am, and love who I am especially now that I am older and no one can say anything to make me feel bad about myself. It's not being conceited......it's being confident and knowing yourself and your heart, and I believe the same of you. I have had my spirit broken at one time or another and it is hard to get it back, but not anymore. I have it back! Your spirit is the most important thing not to ever lose. Don't ever listen to anything bad that is said and just know that we love ya lots and hope you feel the same!!!

who is this asshole???

People love you because of your spirit. You are a loving person who would give your last dollar to someone in need.

I know that we don't see each other much or get together as planned, but, I do know that you are good people.

Rid your life of the undeserving. People come and go into our lives for reasons. Take this lesson from your former friend and continue to thrive as an artist and person.

You know........ I might know a few people who could help get rid of that problem person. hehehehe Only kidding! I would actually do it myself with pleasure for you! Well, I had no say at all in knowing you. You came with the family package. Like they say, you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends ( or nose if you like). If you weren't family, I would definitely pick you as my friend. You are a wonderful caring, kind and compassionate person. You are always thinking of others and go out of your way to help family or friends. I love you and I'm proud to call you my cousin AND my friend! Hugs and kisses, Your favorite cousin............ hehehe

Hey Girl, Well I love talking with you because, you are a real person. you are true at heart you mean what you say when you say it .You have helped me in so many ways and I thank you for that . Who ever this person is, is a complete Moron and I think he's the one that is not a good person. Your personality is great your not fake like others out there you keep it real ! As much as you need us right now we also need you, especially me!! so fuck this person he is obviously not worth the time and day . Your just CiaFai! with out you I don't know Girl! well I know life wouldn't be the same. . <3

DON'T FEEL SO DOWN....I KNOW WE DON'T HANG OUT MUCH, BUT I THINK YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON. YOU ARE FUNNY AND I THINK YOU ARE SINCERE. (NOT MANY PEOPLE HAVE THAT QUALITY). YOU ARE EASY GOING AND WE GET ALONG....I DON'T HAVE MANY GIRL FRIENDS. I DON'T HAVE MUCH IN COMMON WITH A LOT OF THEM. SO BE HAPPY......AND SCREW EVERYONE THAT MAKES YOU MAD.

Ok, how about I write a little poem. I hope you like it. The Story of Us... I've had many friends in my lifetime, but none who I've come across like I did this one time. Her name was CiaLaFai, but we all called her CiaFai, we all met in high school, the gathering place. Fifteen years gone by, and not even a fight, You know you've found a best friend when you can talk all night. You've been there for me through thick and thin, through good times and bad, when my life was a crumbling within. People should be lucky to have you in their life, someday, believe me, you'll make a wonderful wife. Men will come and go, but friends are forever, I can't imagine my life without you, we're birds of a feather. I love to spend the hours on the phone at home, just talking about nothing and never feeling alone. I can't wait to grow old together and having so many stories to share, with our kids and grandkids and anyone else who cares. :-) Fifteen years is not that long, To some people it might be, but to me it's just the beginning of A FRIENDSHIP THAT WILL LAST AN ETERNITY!

CiaFai why do you need other people to tell you what a nice person you are. I don't think your that insecure about yourself are you that you need that. You know deep down inside what a nice, kind, generous person you are. You don't need other people's opinions. That's where you run into problems. Have faith in yourself and be happy. Your a great person! Don't let some asshole bring you down.

There you have it, just a few people who do know me telling you who I am. I am who I am. I am CiaFai!

La Mia Casa E` Tua Casa

It’s almost time to go back to NY, but before I think about home I sit here in my parents back patio eating dinner with my sister, brother, niece’s and nephew. My parents and aunt and uncle who are here visiting from Rome are at the Casino blowing there money away. I know there will be no big winner coming back home. We just don’t have that sort of luck. I cooked bow tie pasta with sautéed cauliflower and cauliflower salad and cucumber salad. I almost killed everyone with all the garlic in the cucumber salad. I loved it, more for me. My brother was sitting diagonally across from me. As I stuffed my face, I watched my brother checking out his own reflection from the sliding door behind me. He was flexing his anorexic looking 6’3” body. Ok he’s not that thin, but he has no fat on him at all. I almost choked on my food. No one else paid attention but me. My 4 year old niece was on a burping roll and my sister was looking face down in her plate not taking a second to come up for air. My niece Eryn was sitting next to my brother but some how she didn’t realize he was making these crazy wanna be muscle head flexing moves. My nephew well honestly he was just enjoying his food and I was happy he was eating. I didn’t say anything for a while and thought he was just going to stop. Well he didn’t. He kept checking himself out from his reflection and when he would talk to us, he was actually looking at his reflection. I thought that was hysterical. I asked him why he was talking to his reflection.

We continued to eat and there he goes flexing again. I couldn’t take it. I nudged my sister and nodded my head toward my brother. So there he was flexing and me and my sister were laughing. He flexed again, and my niece got grossed out and said

“What is that?”

I told her that it was only his collar bone. Then I almost fell of my chair from laughing so hard.

My sister decided to share a story with us.

“I remember one time when he had one tit. It’s like one tit developed and the other one was flat. It was big too.”

I asked how big it was.

“Was it as big as yours? A size D?”

As she was talking under her laugh… “No, no not that big.”

“Well was he as big as me?”

She was laughing so hard I never got an answer, but she continued with the story… asking my brother

“What happened? You have one tit?”

So my brother had answered.

“I’m working out.”

We all almost died. Funny fucking shit.

So my brother started his own story that when that happened he had to keep his one hand on his flat tit every time he went to the beach trying to talk to a girl.

I told him you dumb ass you should have said you are pledging allegiance to the flag or maybe just put a towel over that one tit.

We all laughed at him and with him. It was a great dinner.

I'm The Girl Who Burps And Farts!

I'm the girl who burps after having a sip of beer. I’m the girl who just burps because she feels like it. I’m the girl who gets a big high five from her roommate when I belch out a killer burp. I’m the girl who can recite the vowels of the alphabet in one burp and fit in sometimes y. Damn I love that song!!! I’m the girl who gives a high five to anyone who just burped as big and loud as a bomb. Ok maybe that’s not possible but you know what I mean. I’m the girl who announces that she’s about to blow a fart and doesn’t give a fuck if you get disgusted. Especially in my own home. Sometimes I fart first and then announce it right after it’s out. At least I annouce it! Funny thing is, they don’t smell. The only time they stink would be if I have a real bad stomach ache, but that’s when I would not fart in a crowded room or in front of anyone who doesn’t know me that well.

So what is the deal with guys? Is there like some sort of rule about farting in front of a girl. I’ve heard people talk about it, like if it were sex.

“I wouldn’t fart in front of a girl until we’re together for like blah, blah months.”

“I wouldn’t date a girl who burps or farts.”

If you fuckers can burp and fart, then why can't us ladies do it, and don't give me that bullshit that it's not lady like. It's human like damn it! Man if you have gas right now, don’t let that hold you back a few months. I mean I do it all the time, in front of my friends and family and even one time Mia brought her friend over to my apartment that I met just once and I farted under the blanket I was sitting under on the futon with her next to me. She said it was real great meeting me. It’s a good thing it didn’t smell and she had a great sense of humor. If I found someone in this world who didn't fart nor burp I'll give them your number so you can date them. Leave your number on a comment.

I’ve been brought up that way, my family has a lot of fucking gas man. We burp, we fart and we are proud. I just want to know why people get so upset. It’s part of being human. I mean if you have never farted nor burped then you are not from this planet. As long as you’re not doing it on someone’s face, I never knew that you needed a license to fart. The air is free baby no one owns it. Just like everyone who smokes, I can burp and fart.

My friends always tell me that I better not fart or burp in front of a guy. I told them I wouldn’t do that the first time I meet him... duhh. But if we start something, then well if I do I’ll cover my mouth at first, but heck he has to accept me for me. I don’t do it to be disgusting, it’s just a damn burp, air in my belly damn it! If I don't let it out I feel like it's killing me and well when I fart, it because I’ve got gas. My farts are hysterical when they make some noise, but most of the time there’s no noise. For the record, The Silent But Deadly saying is so not true!!!

So if you are ever over my apartment don’t be alarmed when you hear me and my roommate burping up a storm. It’s only natural.

BLIND

I have no clue on what time it was, but I know it was real early in the morning. My nine year old nephew and I were sleeping on the pull out bed in the living room. I hate that room, there's a big freaking window in there and that means the sun will brighten the whole room when it comes up. Back at home, my bedroom has no windows. I love it that way, DARK. So what started to wake me up was my nephew's head that was using my stomach as a pillow and I felt the urge to pee, but I was way to tired to get up. Any hoots, let's finally get to my dream.

I was at a club, with my sister and other people but all I really remember is my sister. We were at the bar and there was this beautiful man who was working behind the bar. He was tall, well built and had a beautiful face which now I cannot visualize, but I remember I thought he was beautiful. He had dark hair and was wearing all black. Time must have passed and I was on the other side of the club leaning against the wall with a baseball cap on. I had the cap on covering my eyes so I can only see up to everyone's chest. I don't know who I was standing next to, but I must have been standing with people I knew. So this beautiful man comes over standing four feet in front of me and started talking. I didn't think he was talking to me, so I ignored him. He came up to me and pulled my cap up and gave me this face like HELLO I'M TALKING TO YOU. I told him that I thought he was talking to someone else and not me. He gets real close and pressed his body against mine and starting making out with me, at first it felt like the right thing to do, but in some crazy way I felt that it was wrong. His tongue was inside my mouth and well the kiss didn't feel right. I was actually disgusted. His hmm hmm was pressed up against mine but nothing else happened with that. He had me pinned up against the wall. I just kept going with the kiss thinking this is supposed to be happening. My mouth was full of thick saliva. When he pulled away I wanted to gag on his thick saliva he left in my mouth. I think I ended up swallowing it wiping my mouth with my arm. Can you say ewwwwwwwwwwww???

Something was wrong. I couldn't see. My vision was impaired. It was like I still had my cap on all the way down to my eyes, but I had no cap on. I was partly blind. For some odd reason when I tried to look up at him, I really couldn't make out what he looked like now what he was doing but saw a shot glass in his hand. I took my right hand and put it into a tight fist and brought it all the way behind me and invaded his face with it with a hard punch. He was knocked out. He laid there with the shot glass laying on its side about half a foot away from his hand.

I stumbled over to the bar and asked where my sister was, the place was empty. I was petrified. I was partially blind and didn't know where my sister was. I didn't even drink but I felt wasted, I think that whole lacking vision thing through me off balance. Some girl behind the bar must have taken over Mr. Beautiful's shift and said she would help me. I remember looking down as I walked and my shoe came off making me stumble like a drunk. I saw myself putting the shoe back on, but it was lime green then fuchsia. When I looked up I still couldn't see all. I remember feeling real dizzy and scared. The girl was holding me up and then put me on the couch. I laid back and felt something on my head, it was my cap. So I put it on and then I felt my purse and felt a bit relieved. As I scrummaged my hand around I found my old black hat and I put it on top of my cap on my head. Then I kept digging and found my sunglasses but of course couldn't figure out what the heck it was after I analyzed it for a good 5 minutes. So she helped me off the couch and I started to walk down these stairs, the place was huge. I was screaming out my sisters name because I could hear her voice on the other side of the building. Finally I heard her screaming my name and I screamed out for her to meet me out front of the place. The girl left me out front and gave me a big hug as if she didn't want to leave me. So I stood out there waiting for my sister blind.

GUESS WHO ELSE IS SHARING???

Hey there my people. Guess who else out there is sharing?? FRICK IS! Awww what a guy. MY ASS!!! So he forwards the exact two emails he sent me to HOPE. Hello I thought he was moving on? Now can't you all see how his texts are sent to everyone? It's him sending it out. I'm hoping he sees these letters in his mind soon

I

N

E

E

D

H

E

L

P

Let's hope he sends that message out to himself soon.

MONKEY ARMS!!

I was playing MENO DIECI with my mom and sister. That would be MINUS TEN (card game) in English. It was hot in the back patio. My dad being the carpenter he is, closed in the patio that once went out to the underground pool. He put up sliding doors and well there goes a new room. With three ceiling fans being still I started to feel the heat. I was sitting at the table facing the pool as I watched my two 13 year old nieces and 4 year old niece and 9 year old nephew swimming around and of course arguing. It brought me back. I thought about the days when I was doing something of that sort and watching the adults playing cards inside, thinking to myself that they were so much older and well in my mind was old. So there I was watching myself get old. I started laughing. Shared that with my mom and sister and told my mom that it was hot as fuck in here. My dad was in the family room watching television and the switch for the ceiling fans where in that room. The most common sense thing to do is put my cards down and go into the family room and hit the switch right? Well not when you’re lazy. I screamed out to my dad.

“Lagnuiso, mette i fenni” “Lazy put on the fans”

“Lagnuiso tu sei lagnuiso mette I fenni!!” “Lazy, you’re lazy, put on the fans!!”

Why is it that it makes more sense in Italian and funnier?

So we all laughed giggling like little kids.

My mom gets up for some reason and I screamed out for her to turn on the ceiling fans.

She hit the switch and the fan was on it’s first slow as fuck speed and there was no difference in the temperature. My sister puts her chin up to the air and says

“Ahhhh so much better”

I laughed so fucking hard. My mom got back to the table and laughed along. I couldn't even speak and when I laugh I lose all strength in my hands that they just hang there. I laughed so hard telling my mom and sister that if someone would to throw me a million dollars right now I would be fucked. Then I made the gestures of moving my arms around with my hands limp, I sort of looked like a seal. So the giggles got the best of us and we couldn’t stop. My mom tried to pull the string to put the ceiling fan right above us to a higher speed, she couldn’t reach, my laughing stock sister tried and couldn’t reach for it. I sat in my chair dying, gasping for air because I was laughing so hard. So my mom turns around and says…

“CiaFai, accende tu i fenni perche tu hai le bracci lungi come tuo padre, pare come un monkey.”

Ladies and gentlemen this is 101 Sicilian. I am Sicilian but I speak Italian, but when I joke around I speak in Sicilian which you see above. Some Sicilians love to say a sentence with a bit of Sicilian and one or two words of English but add an o or an a to the end of it. That would be the older Sicilians.

Let me translate.

“CiaFai, turn on the fan because you have long arms like your dad, their like monkey arms.”

I almost fell off my chair. MONKEY ARMS!!!

I'M SHARING THIS WITH THE WORLD!!

You see, this blog that you read day to day, is like my personal diary. There are times when a little girl and even grown women have diaries in their life. Just think about it, how great would it be to be anonymous and write about your life and what is going on around you and get comments on it. It’s some what like therapy. An outlet to let go and walk away feeling lighter. It’s comfort when someone out there enjoys your writing and can either relate or give you some advice. I love to write, there are times when I can just write a fictional story, but why do that when my life is a story and a half in itself? This is my life and I want to share it with the world and of course the world does not know who I am because I am anonymous. You see, I am a very friendly person and make tons of friends, but once a friend crosses me they are out of my life. Even if Frick was still in my life as a friend, I would still share this story with the WORLD!!! No one knows who I am and no one knows who he is. Just a guy on CiaFai’s blog. Every single time he tells me to fuck off or curses me out he adds a lol to it. BUDDY we know he’s not joking. First of all I did not send out his text to everyone! I wrote about it in my live internet journal. For the whole WORLD to read. Strangers read this and are intrigued by my writing, that’s why they are on my blog, wanting to know what else is going on CiaFai’s crazy world. So if he can’t take the heat then step away from the flames. Read on WORLD to the email Frick sent me.

“hey CiaFai ,very cute the way you sent my texts out to everyone.lol.just wanted you to know that when you sent my happy b day i was in the middle of changing a flat tire and def. not in a good mood.especially when a month ago i had a great girl who would have done anything for me,but i lost due to the fact i have a heart of gold and was taken advantage of from the cries of a woman (i once truly loved.her shallowness kills that love ) who would not let up about how she was going to kill herself if i did nt help in someway.sometimes in life when you try to do the rite thing it just never is.so basically i by my own choice spent my b day by myself.only because i wanted to see who out of the two were going to not be shallow.like i say moving on is the easy part.look CiaFai i really dont care whether you believe me or not but here is the truth.no one in this world wants to be used when they only try to do the right thing.Hope broke up with me in jan.so guess what .i moved on.same as i have anbd will again .she could nt handle that and brought me down with her misfortunes again.and did everything in her power to try and make me feel like garbage again.the new girl who i dont blame didnt want to know anything about it.so basically once again i got screwed.but thats it. no more .cause noone in this world will ever break my golden heart( not to mention theres alot of cats out there.lol.)its way to strong for any kind shallowness .i moved on before guess what .im moving on again .its like cancer you see.its all has to be removed in order to stand tall.unfortunately i will always know in my heart that i never betrayed any of you.you guys both let me down.Hope for being wicked and you for telling me and her that i was i had wicked intentions never.you do remember that conversation dont you.how i wanted to control Hope by opening up a recordng studio,sorry man thats not me.nor my style.i dont kill life. i create it.theres a sun on me for a reason it gives life.so when i hear shallow commits like that it really sickens me with disgust.it would do the same to you.or if im uninvited to a party because hey i might be dangerous or something that makes me sick as well.just a mis understood guy who never hurt any woman .never would. never will.just a good guy who will always keep on smiling with good intentions and will always keep on growing.maybe you can understand that one day.maybe not.i know one thing true friends never look at me as a bad soul.and thank god i got alot of them to remind me.oh and guess what-never opened your email about not calling Hope until after you uninvited me.like i said CiaFai im standing tall again shining some sun and getting rid of all the cancer.people got choices ya know .you can be part of the cancer.or you can grow in the sun.once again im sorry for cursing you but still i never got an appology from you especially about the controlling thing that was very shallow of you.guys like me who come from nothing dont blow 20 gs on someone because they dont believe in something.so guess what. you telling me and my other half at the time that it was done out of control .........hurt like a mother F------r.(can you say alterior motives)and mindy asking one of my frinds if i was dangerous hurt as well.and my supposively good buddy not clearing my name was deciteful as well as hurtfull.every one s got alterior motives except for real people prove me wrong.my buddy who didnt clear my name just wants me as his going out buddy because he knows im a blast thats the only time he calls .the same way you all do.remember this advice that i give there is big difference in this world from genuine determination vrs obsession.i got the determination thing down pact if you got that too then you would understand.but for now my determination is all on me def. not shallow people.obla di obla da .take it as you like .an appology with honesty .ta ta honestly staying away from all negativity just moving on.p.s. make sure yousend this one to the world too.only a real friend would do that rite .lol.and no i definetly dont want anyones pitty.just maybe a genuin appolgy if not well then im cutting out the cancer.hey guess what dont make me send this one out to everyone oh thats rite im real would never do that...prove me wrong CiaFai”



He tries to make up excuses for his outbursts. If I had a flat tire on my birthday, as I was changing my tire and get a text from my friend wishing me a Happy Birthday, I would never tell them to fucking eat me! It would put a smile on my face and it would make me feel a whole lot better. Then I would call them and tell them to help me. Can’t he see he has a lot of anger inside himself? He says he apologizes. He says that I said he’s trying to control Hope with buying a studio for her. Okay let me let you in on the situation. Hope wasn’t happy with Frick anymore. She tried telling him numerous times that she wasn’t happy and didn’t want to be with him. She even told him that she didn’t love him. So, what does he do? He loves the girl so he will do anything in HIS right mind to keep her. I mean I understand that, he loves her, but he took it to an extreme. He tries to work things out with her. She’s scared now because she knows he’ll go crazy. He fills her head up with great ideas of building up a studio for her so she can do her music. At first she said no, but he kept drilling it in her mind how it was a great idea. Gullible Hope went along with it, only making it a harder break up. So I told her, if you are not happy with him tell him. Tell him it’s over. Come on I’m her friend, even a therapist would tell her that. She was sucked in with the studio. She needed a studio, what singer doesn’t. She tried at the relationship, but it wasn’t going to work. Again, it only made it harder. I saw my friend suffering, I saw what was going on. Yes I did say controlling to her. I told her, Hope can’t you see he’s holding on to you because of this studio, it’s control. He has control over you.

And why does he have to keep telling me he has a heart of gold? He doesn’t need to prove anything to me, he keeps saying it, because he’s trying to convince himself everything he does is all out of good. Well telling me to “BLOW ME” is not something a person with a heart of gold would say and continue bad mouthing me and on top of it build lies. Yeah he apologized, but deep inside he still did wrong and he’ll continue to. He did it every single time with Hope. That’s why she accepted his apologies and her gullibility took the best of her and killed it.

Yes Hope made a big mistake the night she called Frick for help. It was something she was use to. Of course he’s going to go to her. Any one would have. They did go out for 2 years. BUT!!! That was a mistake, it was his way back in. She wanted to try and be friends with him, but you know how it goes it can’t work out like that all the time. She called him as a friend. She was so drugged up and needed comfort. She kissed him and she swore to me that is all they did. He on the other hand told me they had sex. She hates herself for kissing him. That’s Frick taking something and stretching the truth. That’s why there are times I feel like I shouldn’t listen to his whole story, because some of it is true and well 85% of it is the stretching.

Frick says Hope broke up with him in January. So why the crazy texts still being sent to her by him in July? How is that moving on?

So we let him down. What about him letting us down with his, as Hope put it, abusive texts when she told him numerous times to stop. Stop showing up at my house 6 o’clock in the morning. Stop following me everywhere I go. Just STOP! Him not listening and not respecting her wishes is letting us down. She’s my friend and when she is hurt, I’m hurt. Then to top it off telling me to Blow him.

He doesn’t kill life he creates it. Is he trying to say I’m killing his life? GROW UP. You’re girlfriend of two years broke up with you 6 months ago because she didn’t want to be with you. Not because I was there for her through the miserable times she tried telling you it was over. It’s not my fault she doesn’t want to be with you. It’s destiny. You weren’t destined to be together. That’s it!

He was uninvited to my party because I didn’t want any drama! Never did I say dangerous! He got the D word all stretched out! Can you see what he does with peoples words. Negative assumptions dwelling inside him.

He never hurt any woman? Okay not physically but emotionally. If he listened to what Hope was telling him, he would have seen how he was killing her inside. So you see, he also kills the life inside Hope not create it. Oh he didn’t see that one coming. Hope cries telling me that he damaged her soul. To me that sounds like he’s not creating life.

A bad soul? Once again he labeled himself that. I never said that and would never say that.

20 g’s hmm the number all of a sudden hiked up. He wants an apology? For what shedding light on the truth. NOPE no apology coming out of this mouth. He should grow up and be a man and realize it’s not only him who has feelings. He needs to listen to everyone else’s feelings too, so he can understand what his words and action mean to the other person too and not just to him.

Ok now why would Mindy be asking Frick’s friend if Frick is dangerous? Must be because he said something to her about the past relationship with Hope, oh yeah that’s right he told Mindy all about the night Hope swallowed some pills. Instead of comforting her he should have taken her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped and not let this new girl that he’s dating about getting with his ex girlfriend. No girl wants to hear that. Of course she left you!!

Buddy not clearing his name? Well there must be a reason!

He’s trying to give me advice??

“remember this advice that i give there is big difference in this world from genuine determination vrs obsession.i got the determination thing down pact if you got that too then you would understand.but for now my determination is all on me def. not shallow people”

Obsession is blowing up peoples phone with nonsense! That’s including mine and Hopes.

So guys guess what? I’m CANCER according to Frick. Like he said to me, FUCK OFF!

Of course there had to be another email and I hope he finds this sharing with the world - My internet live journal diary- intriguing.

“and just one last thing because i know you are probably sharing this with the world.hope will always be in my heart the same way all the other woman i loved in my life are still.its not something that i can control.some might see that as a down fall but i personally see it as a gift because i have and will continue to love many in ways that no one else can understand or compare.so please do not befoul me or ridicule my actions ever again.”

BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! WELCOME WORLD, TO MY BLOG! I WALK AWAY FEELING LIGHTER!

GARBAGE

I was sitting on the couch last night watching Crossing Jordan on A&E and at 9:55 PM my phone starts blowing up again. Wonder who it is? It’s Frick. What a shocker. Here are two text he sent obviously I put it into one.

“HEY for what its worth. Im sorry for curseing at you. But the rest I have to say is just how ifeel’I am not garbage and never treated any one I know like garbage. I Expect the same in return. .so take care. Thanks for the great PEP talk. Good luck”

GREAT PEP TALK? CIA FAI? WE DIDN’T HAVE ANY PEP TALK HE DID ALL THE FUCKING BLABBERING!!! Here we go again with him putting crap in his mind and infatuates himself with it and believes it’s true. First he needs to spell correctly, second of all no one ever called him garbage, he’s calling himself that. We never let him feel like garbage, he was my friend and I never treated him any other way but as a friend. All I did as a friend was text him “ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”, then his psychotic behavior comes through. It’s in his mind that he’s garbage, because that’s how he treats himself. When he doesn’t stop harassing Hope and now me with the crazy text, he knows somewhere in his touched head that it’s wrong so that triggers something in there and tells him “GARBAGE”. His actions are wrong and well, he’s always acting like that, so yeah I guess he is “GARBAGE” but he did that to himself and labeled it that.

Still Blowing Up My Phone

So what is it, almost an hour later?, he text me again. This will never end. Here it is the evidence that he definitely needs help.

“Im very annoyed with the fact that you and her keep MANIPULATING me into a bad guy, when I never hurt either of you. NEVER Did I hurt a hair on either of you guys. And never did i ever do wrong. Always did the rite thing and always looked out for both of you. Even as much as it sickenes me what has been done I still never would hurt you girls. Just tired of being treated like garbage. why would anyone want that when others will and can treat you better”

Oh is that guilt my friend?? Hurt a hair on us? Feelings buddy feelings. Never did he ever do wrong? He told me “BLOW ME” (when all I did was give a kind wish of happiness on his birthday) that’s doing something wrong in my book, what do you guys think? He has problems, he needs to stop blaming things like it’s not him and it’s everyone around him. He’s asking for pity, can’t he see it? Well too bad he’s no longer my friend. He’s filled up his mind that we manipulated him into a bad guy? I’m not a manipulator, I tell you how it is. We never treated him like garbage there goes one of his lies. His assumptions that he infatuates on and leads to believing it’s the truth in his mind.

Did Someone Say Psychologist?

THE HISTORY. Hope and Frick went out for two years. Hope met Frick at his very own basement apartment the night all us girls where invited for dinner. Us girls, met Frick through another friend GT. He introduced us to his entire little gang. It was friendship at first sight. Then Hope and Frick decided to have an attraction towards one another. At first, I thought it was cool, but at the same time I knew that Frick was not for Hope, he was totally not her type nor anything like the other men she was with in her life. They took a chance and it was all good IN THE BEGINNING. Hope and I have an inside joke about that, I always tell her to take it slow not to fall to fast and hard, because everything is always dandy “IN THE BEGINNING“. Till this day, I keep saying I’m going to write a song about it.

THE DRAMA. Two years down the line, Hope came to find out the true person Frick ended up to be. He’s a great person, but not a great significant other for her. They’ve been through some good times, but then came out his true colors. His controlling ways, his lies, his exaggeration. Don’t get me wrong there’s real good qualities. He does have a big heart, but he uses it also to put it in her face. He’s generous, only because he thinks it will buy him love from friends and especially from the woman he loves. He would be a great person if he would get that mentality out oh his head, he’s a great person without trying to prove something and when he tries to prove something it’s always negative. His controlling ways derives from wanting to be the FATHER FIGURE. You see he lost his dad a long time ago. His dad was a cop and well Frick is a cop now, honestly, I think that is what the whole dilemma is. He has not accepted or should I say has not dealt with the absence of his father. So in turn, he’s fucked up in the head. You know a little touched in the knock knock anyone home head.

Ok so things didn’t work out between Frick and Hope. Frick hasn’t learned to let go of Hope and well won’t leave her alone. He constantly texts her outrageous things and well you know how it goes when the ex becomes the psycho ex. He blames everyone but himself that they are not together. That’s where I come in. Sad part is him and I were friends till this very day I’m typing this blog. Hope on the other hand is my best friend from childhood. She’s not only my good friend but she’s also like a little sister to me. I would tell her to not bother with him if she didn‘t want anything to do with him anymore, ignore the harassing text and voicemails. He even sent her threats over the phone. He turned out to be a cruel touched in the head person indeed. So as you know, I was planning my birthday party, by the way it was a great time, and well they are both my friends and they were both invited. Frick had to ruin it all. He had to harass her once again after she told him billions of times to stop communicating with her, that the abusive text messages where harassment. He did not listen. Hope called me a few days before my birthday party to tell me that she is not coming to the party because he will not stop and she isn’t going to be in the same room with him, that he is damaging her soul. Now come on, she is my best friend. I will not allow that. I cursed her out saying she better come and that I will kick her fucking ass and that I was going to call Frick and let him know not to come to my party. I think I actually text him saying that I’m really sorry but Hope feels very uncomfortable with you being at my party, and I do not want any drama at my party and she is my best friend and he should understand that I want both of them there, but it will only cause problems. Well well did that cause problems. I spoke with him and he was like fine, but upset. I had also text him that we can go out another night to celebrate. He text her and harasses her with a message that he thanks her for having him dis invited. That my friend was his made up word. Ok so now, besides him thinking I had something to do with their not getting back together (he’s nuts) and now me telling him to please not to come to my party because I didn’t want any drama, he truly hates the fucking shit out of me. Heck, but friends are friends and they should understand. So after all that, he started texting me all crazy things how he was going to crash my party blah blah blah. Of course he wasn’t.

NOW TO TODAY. It’s the 5th of July and I’m in Florida visiting my family. Today happens to be Frick’s birthday. I text him

“Happy Birthday!”

He texts me back and I will type it exactly how he sent it to me.

“BLOW ME”

Now once again my friend, this fucker doesn’t know who he’s fucking with. That is where he lost my friendship. So I did the mature thing and ignored his text and just took him right out of my heart.

Oh it doesn’t end. He continued with texting me a novel. I accidentally erased the first one after the BLOW ME text. Now read on and please just comment on it, I really want to make sure that he really does need psychological help. Hang on it’s going to be a thrill ride.

“clan will realize That. What it means to be a real person. Just remember it all comes back to ya. Life is funny like that.you will see ; ) Real friends bring life never TRY AND destroy it. Iwill always KEEP and never will not LOSE my hearth of gold. But you have got to be kidding me. what I could may have used was a friend. DEF. Not a HIPROCRIT. Giving me PITTY. Funny thing is I probably was one of the most real sincere personS you girls have ever met. it’s a shame the way you ALL turn. Go play with some other toy soldier this one is fed up.”

Then after that 8th one I get this, of course I still have not replied to any of it.

“r ever have ever done any good. Oh not to mention I HARASS People and am never fun to have at a party. Im just so unhappy. wha will I ever do wit my whittle…

…Besides what would you want to know someone like me for im the big bad wolf remember. you know I open studios to control people only a trouble maker. neve….

(I think this one was to come first then the one above, but that’s not how I got it on my phone, it makes more sense this way)

…oh self. Im so bad. Disgusting YUCK. Who will I ever find. Im going to did lonely rite. LOL You have a nice day thanks for the POTHETIC PITTY.”

Still I did not reply to his idiotic touched in the head thoughts. He sends another text. Now remember all I did was text him HAPPY BIRHTDAY!

“SPEECH LES HUH cause you know im rite. Truth hurts. Shallow people only hurt themselves.

Ha ha ha ha is this fucker kidding me. You see for all you people who do not know me, I’m far from shallow and I’m one not to be fucked with. I know, I know a lot of people say that, but truly, you do not want to get on my bad side.

I had to put this fucker in his place so this is what I sent him through an IM on to his phone.

“STOP blowing up my phone with nonsense. U lost me as a friend when U said blow me, when I wished U a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! U didn't ask for pity verbally N U never got it from me and never will. U only said it because deep inside that's what U want. Please don't bother me w/ another txt. Frick it was nice knowing you. Look in the mirror and find the shallowness inside urself. You're SAD and I don't mean emotions I mean YOU'RE THE PATHETIC ONE! U want to throw fire with words,I'm the pro. I'm not one to be crossed”

He replied, of course he did why wouldn’t a touched in the head person not listen to what I just said?

“Please don't bother me w/ another txt” Did I mention he’s a great listener? YEAH RIGHT!

“Hey whatever man you lost a friend when you mistakened me for a weak piece of shit.shallow Minded two faced non spiritual non trusting people i have no time for.If you want to be a friend well then You girls should all learn from mistakes. Like i said dont need ya def dont want.its called CharmA .be real in life .thats when you will be happy but please honestly dont need the PITTY From ya .you did what you thought was rite.so now im doing what i know is rite.SUCEEDING In a positive way.Same way i did when i lost my dad.so do me a favor .FUCk off.lol before i start PITTYING YOU.ya see when you dont get abused in life you actually look and feel good.like i said my life is my revenge ;-) bye pal.stay real”

Again I didn’t reply because I will not stoop down to his level. A minute after the IM my phone starts blowing up again. SURPRISE IT’S FRICK!!!

“OH YEAH . Thanks for the birthday kisses ; - )”

Then the other.

“OOPS That’s gotta burn.lol. Truth always does”

Another.

“Boy I hope you got all those messages. Cause I feel really good getting that off my chest. now you know why I was born after the forth . Just like a fire cracker.”

Oh he got that right he’s a CRACKER!!! CRACKED IN THE FUCKING HEAD!

Wait there’s more.

It sucks losing people you were close with doesnt it.now you know how it feels”

Still more.

“Sorry man you made me feel like shit first.numerous times. Now I have to CELABRATE My birth day.remember actions are much more valuable than words will ever be.bye

Now that is all from me telling him HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Who the hell is he to tell me about losing someone close to you and how it sucks. It’s been 10 miserable fucking years I lost my brother from a heart attack, he’s gone and I’m not fucking touched in the head! CIA FAI? (cha - fai, definition - Are you fucking kidding me you FUCK FACE?) He needs a dictionary the next time he decides to text people. Like he said Karma about Karma. Well I say WATCH OUT FRICK KARMA IS A BIG BITCH AND SHE’S OUT TO FUCKING GET YA!! So next time anyone wants to wish someone a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Make sure they aren’t touched in the head… Did someone say someone needs a psychologist?