I'm The Girl Who Burps And Farts!

I'm the girl who burps after having a sip of beer. I’m the girl who just burps because she feels like it. I’m the girl who gets a big high five from her roommate when I belch out a killer burp. I’m the girl who can recite the vowels of the alphabet in one burp and fit in sometimes y. Damn I love that song!!! I’m the girl who gives a high five to anyone who just burped as big and loud as a bomb. Ok maybe that’s not possible but you know what I mean. I’m the girl who announces that she’s about to blow a fart and doesn’t give a fuck if you get disgusted. Especially in my own home. Sometimes I fart first and then announce it right after it’s out. At least I annouce it! Funny thing is, they don’t smell. The only time they stink would be if I have a real bad stomach ache, but that’s when I would not fart in a crowded room or in front of anyone who doesn’t know me that well.

So what is the deal with guys? Is there like some sort of rule about farting in front of a girl. I’ve heard people talk about it, like if it were sex.

“I wouldn’t fart in front of a girl until we’re together for like blah, blah months.”

“I wouldn’t date a girl who burps or farts.”

If you fuckers can burp and fart, then why can't us ladies do it, and don't give me that bullshit that it's not lady like. It's human like damn it! Man if you have gas right now, don’t let that hold you back a few months. I mean I do it all the time, in front of my friends and family and even one time Mia brought her friend over to my apartment that I met just once and I farted under the blanket I was sitting under on the futon with her next to me. She said it was real great meeting me. It’s a good thing it didn’t smell and she had a great sense of humor. If I found someone in this world who didn't fart nor burp I'll give them your number so you can date them. Leave your number on a comment.

I’ve been brought up that way, my family has a lot of fucking gas man. We burp, we fart and we are proud. I just want to know why people get so upset. It’s part of being human. I mean if you have never farted nor burped then you are not from this planet. As long as you’re not doing it on someone’s face, I never knew that you needed a license to fart. The air is free baby no one owns it. Just like everyone who smokes, I can burp and fart.

My friends always tell me that I better not fart or burp in front of a guy. I told them I wouldn’t do that the first time I meet him... duhh. But if we start something, then well if I do I’ll cover my mouth at first, but heck he has to accept me for me. I don’t do it to be disgusting, it’s just a damn burp, air in my belly damn it! If I don't let it out I feel like it's killing me and well when I fart, it because I’ve got gas. My farts are hysterical when they make some noise, but most of the time there’s no noise. For the record, The Silent But Deadly saying is so not true!!!

So if you are ever over my apartment don’t be alarmed when you hear me and my roommate burping up a storm. It’s only natural.