Do As I Do

Get the feelings all down. The feeling that I hate feeling. The feeling of loss, betrayal, anger and pain. My heart was tainted for 2 and half years. Tainted with an illusion. An illusion that my gut was feeding my heart at the same time. Until that one day, when someone ripped it right of my gut and threw it hard on the floor. My heart cringed and my chest caved in I felt my ribs being torn apart. The anger grew as my insides were twisted and trembling. I lost something and it hurts. I lost someone because of their foolish behavior. Questions run through me and I haunt myself when all I want to do is erase it all from my mind. Erase the part in my heart that felt and fell. It's like mourning and as much as I try to forget about it, it's stuck in my throat and putting pressure on my chest. Was it only I who felt all the good things between us or was I being fooled? Was it real? Did the words, "I do care, I really do." was that part of their lies or was it genuine? Life goes on for them, with out me. It hurts to think that I wouldn't even come up in their mind because all they consume their life with now is well... a mistake. It boggles me that my happiness and comfort was kidnapped. Nowhere to be found, but probably drowned in a deep swamp to disintegrate. I sit here listening to the clicking of the keys my fingers keep tapping on this lap top and in some crazy way even though I let them go, I hope that things don't go right for them and later in life our paths will meet again. Well now, that's not letting go is it? Okay so then... I gave this person a few words of how they destroyed anything we've had and I can not stay around to have my heart get abused. I'm not here to be the fool. I just want that person to do as I do or should I say FEEL AS I FEEL. I want them to feel the anguish of loss. I want that person to realize, that I am a true person that is hard to find. I want them to feel the pain of missing me the way I feel the pain and intensified. I want them to feel what I feel. I want them to taste the medicine. As mean as it sounds I do not wish for this person to be happy at all with the choice they have made, which I call a mistake, stupidity and carelessness. I want this person to feel and feel loss! I want them to be fooled into something they fell in love with and have it ripped right of their fucking soul. You can't repair what is damaged beyond control. As far as I walk away I can still feel my heart beating the way they made it beat when it was all good.