Till They Die Out!

It’s hot as fuck, and tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter. Mia came over tonight and helped with my photos. I posed. She took the photographs. Now that’s a big help. I’m going to run to the photo shop tomorrow morning and get these sons of bitches developed as quickly as possible. I hope there’s at least one that I can use for my invite and I hope it’s not too late for everyone to get the invitation. I would be so bummed out about it. Since my life seems to be sucking right now this will make it worse, you know, that not a lot of people will show up. I don’t even have the guest list set up. I’m going to have to do that tomorrow too. Why is it that every year when it’s close to my birthday, I get so depressed? Well I can tell you why last year and this year’s reason. Drum roll please… it’s because I had no job and now again have no job. I mean I know a lot of people think they have no luck in life and it’s all miserable, but it just seems to me that each year is getting worse. I am waiting for one good year. Where I can be happy with my life. All the other years, well it took me I think 5 years after my brother passed away to celebrate my birthday again. It was too hard for me knowing he wasn’t here for my birthday and well my birthday didn’t seem so important enough to me anymore. Uhh… here I go again writing about depressing shit.

I’m trying to go to Florida to visit the family. I can’t get tickets until my niece’s mother gets back to me. Cia Fai??? I had gone to the beach and well now have a decent tan, so when I get to Florida I’m going to work on my Sicilian roots and become black. I can’t wait to eat my mothers cooking. The funny part is when I get there; I end up doing a lot of the cooking. The beaches there are so beautiful. The sand is like baby powder; you never burn your feet on it, because it always stays cool. People bring the volleyball and play by the nets. I once asked to play with strangers, and it was so much fun. I used to play in High School for four years. I loved it! I still have the trophies somewhere. My coach always loved my serves. She called it the bomb serve. It would go up really high and come down real hard out of nowhere. I once left the imprint of the ball on a teammates arms in practice one day. I almost broke another girls nose on my team in practice one day too. My serves came down real hard. I miss those days. Beach volleyball is different though. I think it’s harder. It’s harder to move around, but diving for the ball is so much easier. I tend to do that a lot at the beach. I can’t wait to play volleyball.

When I get to Florida, I know my parents are going to give me that speech about moving down there with them. That is a conversation I do not need to have. It will only make me more upset. I don’t want to live there at all. It’s nice to visit and that’s about it. I’m going crazy here at home, but I can just hold out till my birthday party and then out I go. Florida here I come. Then I’ll miss home miserably and want to go back. I’m going to miss my cat too. I wish I could take her with me, but those airlines want so much fucking money just to bring a damn pet with you, when it’s not even taking up a seat, plus my cat might not take the flight very well, so I wouldn’t want to put her in that predicament. Speaking of my cat, she was scratching on my bedroom door wanting to come in while I was getting my photos taken. This cat loves me so much she came right up on my bed with me and well didn’t want to get off. So of course I ended up taking a few shots with her. She is so precious.
Animals, it’s crazy how they can love you so much no matter what. They will never leave you. It’s like the perfect relationship. My cat always follows me around and well she knows when I’m not feeling well or depressed. She comes to my side and just looks at me as if she understands what I’m going through. I just want to squeeze her, but she doesn’t like that very much, so then after squeezing her and give her kisses she leaves to another room, but comes right back. I love my cat. I just wish one day I can find that kind of love she gives me in a man. Wishful thinking I know. Heck as long as there are stars out there I will be wishing on them till they die out.