Saying...

Someone told me that I am AMAZING, that they are grateful for everything I have done for them. This someone touched my heart when they typed those words to me. I’m only being myself and it showed me that people can really see the good inside me. The caring heart that is open to the ones I love and in need. Some might think I’m crazy, but I do not believe in God nor any of the religions. I believe in myself and in souls. So when I say I was put on this earth, I wasn’t put on this earth by God or any higher being, I was put on this earth because my soul is a healer. I am here to help others. Give comfort to others and be there for even if it’s to hold your hand. I don’t do the things because I think it’s my job. I do what I do, because it’s what my heart and soul tells me to do, I’m sort of programmed that way. When you have entered my life and you’ve touched my heart and I say you are in a special part of my heart, it’s the truth. You are forever inside me. Being a Cancer, shows the motherly behavior I exude. Something else I can not help. It’s who I am. When I love, I love very deeply. I don’t just love, to say the words I love you, that phrase is so simple to say. If I tell you that I love you, you should know its deep in my soul. But, there is this one particular person who is asking for help and friendship. Which I have, and continue to do, this person has been stuck in my heart lately and I wish I could be there all the time face to face. It’s odd how this person brings me calmness and I feel I do the same for them. As you know I’m a woman who expresses her emotions and words. I want to express to my friend that I love them, I’ve never told them, but it’s not I’m in love I just love the person he is, because he’s touched my heart. How do I go about telling him, that I really care for him and he definitely has a special place inside my heart and that I love him, with out him thinking I want to be with him and making him think I’m saying I’m in love with you when it’s just I love you and don’t run away, I love you my friend. Sometimes words are just left to be unspoken and my actions should show them instead. To all my friends, you know who you are. I love you so much and it’s all of you who make me me and the strength I have inside is from all of you holding me up. I LOVE YOU!

Diminish

I rub my eye as the nuisance still aggravates me. My heart is beating, but it feels like it's in a shallow well. I know its beating but I can't feel it, it feels too deep inside me that the vibration is lost between my hand and my chest. So much is going through my mind but at the same time nothing is there when I think back 2 seconds ago. Am I on some natural high? It some what feels like an outer body experience I do the things I need to do, but I don't feel the movement.


I should update you on some of my blogs. I'm still lost don't worry that didn't change. My biopsy for Breast Cancer came up benign. I have to get checked every 6 months, that's next month. How time flies. The tumor inside my head is back, going through all different pain meds and doctors to figure out what the next step is. Radiation was a suggestion, but not sure if that's possible. Neurologist doesn't want me to have another surgery as he put on that sad face. Tired of going back and forth to doctors and getting no results. Tired of feeling the way I feel, but I've learned to just live with it. I'm alive and really that's all that matters.


It's wild that I have my own crazy problems and I conjure to shun it outt to worry about everyone else. It actually occupies my mind in not thinking there is a problem embedded in my life. Heck I'm breathing… I have my family… I have my friends… I have a job… I am loved… so why hover my problems? I step away from it to make it fly away on its own, or just keep it wide open for some sort of positive energy to dissect it and diminish it.