Leaving And Now Going

New Year's Eve. My new roommate Mia and I had a house party along with our friend Sherry. It was a great party. I cried my eyes out, because I'm that emotional chick. Really it's only because I miss my family and especially my brother Martino. It's that really hard time of year for me and all the way into January as I had blogged about before.

I think the midget broke my back. What midget you say... the midget we had that bartended our New Year's Eve party. He was dancing on the dance floor a.k.a. living room, and he told me to hold him really tight. So I did, he grabbed my legs and held me like a baby, and DROPPED ME. He lost his balance. I fell hard on my back. OUCH!! I laughed so hard and wondered if the pain was ever going to go away. News update, it still hurts. He fell on top of me, but I didn't notice because I was in too much pain. He got drunk and well was making only Malibu drinks all night, I don't think he knew how to make drinks. He was very entertaining. He got his short self drunk and well started to dance with everyone and jumped on the couch and gave a guy a lap dance. I've got it all on video.

Christmas eve I went shopping, I had to because I didn't have time and then the strike held me back from shopping. I went out to Long Island and called my mom to wish her a Merry Xmas Eve, though I don't celebrate I wished them a happy one. My parents really don't celebrate either, but they give gifts to my niece, my sister's daughter. My parents don't even put up a tree. Ever since my brother died they haven't celebrated. It was the last holiday they spent with him and well I completely understand why they don't put a tree up anymore nor really celebrate the way we use to. The big dinner, the tree all decorated, gifts bombarding the tree and family comes over and we have a great time, that all ended 11 years ago this January when Martino died.

My mother picked up and we talked. I was in Mia's sister's car that she borrowed. My mother told me about my niece Angelique, Martino's daughter, that she called the house to wish her and her mother a Merry Xmas. My sister in law told my mother that her parents came over and attacked her (I'm thinking verbally) they wanted to take her children away from her. I don't know why they don't speak anymore but they don't. My mother then tells me that someone went to the house and checked out my sister in law's house. Then she got a call or a letter in the mail for a court date. Someone called either child services or something like that on her and now I don't know what will happen. The person had said she had a nice home, but my mother thinks the person was just saying that to throw my sister in law off. You know being sneaky. I told my mother I would call her, because I was planning on calling her to wish her a Merry one anyway. I hung up and tried to keep my composure. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started to cry and Mia and my friend Jesse asked me what was wrong. I told them that my niece might be taken away from her mother. She doesn't have Martino and now they are going to take her away from her mother. She's been through so much this little girl. I was afraid and still don't know what will happen. I've called and haven't received a call back. Like always my Holidays suck and bring me pain. My sister in law thinks it was either her parents or her brother who called these people to take her kids away. Well that's what my mother told me.

New Year's Eve, I was getting myself ready to do things around the house for the party. My sister calls me. She never calls really.
She said " I have news."
I asked if it was bad or good.
She said "What do you think?"
I said "Bad"
She told me about my aunt and how she's in the hospital. My aunt who is the healer, people might not believe in them but she is a healer. She lives in Rome, but she lived here for 13 years and I grew up with her in my life. Her job is to heal people, she puts her hands on the ill and finds what is wrong and then heals them with her hands, something like reike. She wasn't feeling well and they took xrays... they found a spot on her lungs... it's cancer. A part of me died. I started to cry and flip the fuck out. She can't die, not now. They don't know how bad it is. The woman who heals others is stricken with lung cancer and can't heal herself tell me where that is fair? Again my Holidays filled with pain.

I still had the party, I wasn't going to let that let me down. I had a good time and when the clock struck midnight I cried like a baby. Missing everyone and feeling the pain all over again. I thought of my brother, my parents, my other brothers and my sister and my niece and my aunt, I felt emptiness and sadness overwhelm me. Then I cried because I was so happy to be with all those around me. I was an emotional basket case. So as I was leaving 2005 I am now going to 2006 hoping for a less painful life.