My heart

It was him, the man who I fell in love with. I rarely go on my computer at home and one night I decided to download pictures I had on my digital camera. I went on my aol and didn't bother to look at my buddy list. Some time had passed as I watched the percentage go up. I maximized my aol window and looked at my buddy list. I saw his name. I haven't seen his name up in a long time. He got married and well that was the last of him. I called my friend and got her voicemail. I blabbered like a teenager telling her that HE was on line and that I was going to IM him. So I did. We said our hello's and how are you doing and what are you doing and then our I'll talk to you soon. I could not stop smiling, my heart was in my damn stomach, the giddiness overwhelmed me. I felt dizzy, I felt so happy and sad. It's like I fell in love all over again. Then I went on with my life.

A few nights before I had my little chat with the lost love of my life, I had an odd dream.

I was in my childhood home and of course it didn't look the same. My mother was talking to these two brokers who were sitting with their backs facing me. I was in the corridor watching them. One of the men looked over his shoulder slowly raising his head up from his chest. I almost fell back and lost my breath. When he finally showed his entire face I realized that it wasn't who I thought it was and that would be my brother Martino who passed away. I told him that he scared the shit out of me, that I thought he was my brother. I walked away and found my way into the bathroom. On the grey counter I found a large human heart. I had it in my hand it was almost the size of a football. I called my mother over and showed her.

"Ma, look. I have Martino's heart."

"Don't show your sister, don't let her get her hands on it."

My mother wanted me to keep my brother's heart, it was meant for me to hold. Then I found myself in a mansion sized place running up the stairs trying to escape from these people who were invisible. They were trying to take my brother's heart away from me. I ran and ran and ran and that is all I could remember.

I told my mom about the dream and she told me that it's weird how I dreampt that his heart was so big, because when he died he had a big heart. Medically. He is my angel.

Then here we have a few days later a man who had my heart talking to me on line that I haven't spoken to or seen in a long time. I miss having that great feeling and after that dream, I miss my brother the most.