The Anger Inside

The Anger inside me does not escape. It's a problem. It's not a problem to get angry, it's only an emotion that is part of being a human. My problem is that it never escapes me. One thing can get me so upset and it turns into anger. It always ends up that after one thing it's always another and that is why it never escapes me. It lingers inside, like if my body wants to dwell on it. I need to get it out. Even if I think about the situation it brings me back to the exact feeling I had when the situation happened. The feeling is strong and stays. Then when I get upset or mad it just brings back all the things that have scarred me from anger. It's all a psychological thing it happens to everyone, but they probably don't even realize it. That will happen until I have resolved that problem that has made me so angry, but I can't seem to get rid of it. I'm sick and not only is it because of my low immune system, I think it has a lot to do with the stress that enters my life that I try to ignore that it is actually stress and then there is the anger that is stuck inside me. It wears me out. I need to go somewhere and just relax, I need a flush. I need a cleansing. I need help.

Catch Up

It's Monday and I'm far from being wide awake. My head is pounding as my body aches. Mia moved out Saturday afternoon and Nica moved in. I'm walking around in my office twisting my arm so my shoulder and wrist cracks. The pain came out of nowhere. Snap here snap there.

My mother calls me today crying. My youngest brother had surgery on his nipples he had some extra tissue underneath that was causing major pain. He had surgery sometime last week and he had gone into the emergancy room last night, because he thought it was infected. Turned out to be a whole bunch of blood blocked up and needed to come out. As I was saying, my mother calls me today crying, my brother was back in the doctors office and well it's a blood vessel that is leaking blood into his chest. I told her he would be fine. I told her it's nothing to worry about, it's not a tumor so he'll be fine. I even told her about how much I bleed for an entire month as if a river was coming out of me and I was fine. Note: I was not bleeding from my nipples, it was a different kind of surgery.

So here I am at work, trying to type this as quick as I can with my 5 minute break. So I'll put it in bullets of what has been going on and one day I will go in depth about each bullet.

• My mother has shoulder surgery
• Mia moves out
• Nica moves in
• My mother has neck surgery and now has two metal plates 3 screws and a donors bone in her neck
• My brother has surgery on his nipples
• 7 people from my job get laid off.
• 1 person quits 2 weeks later
• I have to give one of my cats away and it's killing me
• I'm going to Vegas
• I'm going to Barbados
• I'm going to 3 weddings in June and 1 renewing vow party
• I'm going broke
• I'm thinking about Lazik eye surgery
• My cousin is getting married
• Did I copyright that?
• Had all these catscans and things stuck up my nose for my sinuses
• I need to see a headache specialist
• 3 cats in the house
• My uncle the painter
• z100 and paying bills
• I'm singing
• myspace
• Patty passed away

So I know there is more but at this particular 5 minute break I can not think of anything else.

Sorry, but now I'm back

Hello All,
I know it's been a while since I've last wrote. I will start on being more dedicated to writing now. I'm at work now and really can't write much. So I'll just leave you with something that happened on Sunday night.

Sunday night I walked in my apartment after my trip to Philly. I smelled the litter box and knew I had to clean that bitch up. I held my breath and did the duty. The litter box is between a closet and this beautiful piece of old furniture that holds all my photos. I ditched the bag by going out to the front of the house and slam dunking it into the garbage can. When I came back I grabbed the broom to sweep up the rest of the little mess that was left on the floor. I heard something mechanical go off in the closet. I thought to myself, hmmm is that a toy I probably bought for one of the many kids I know? I opened the door and a gush of cold wind hit me as I saw the box fan in the closet slowing down. The point is...the fan in the closet was not plugged in.

Wondered what ghost it was. Still don't know.