The Empty Day(January 16th) - I Tried

It's the day after the empty day. I tried to ignore the yesterday but thought I would be mad the next day because I did ignore the empty day. I tried to go on with the day without shedding a tear. I succeeded until...

I felt sick. Though I tried to fool my mind I didn't fool my inner soul, my body. It was worn. Tearing apart as I tried to ignore it all. Inside knew what the empty day was and reacted. I decided to go over Drea's that way I wouldn't be alone and let my inner soul overpower my mind. We orded Chinese food, which I rarely do. We ate, watched 24 and a bit of the golden globes. CSI Miami came on and we watched. I finally left around 11:30. I entered my apartment feeling lost. I took my layers off and put them on the chair in the living room. I started to feel it, my guard went down I couldn't try anymore. It was time. Time to let it out. I looked at my cat and she looked right into me. She saw my pain. I picked her up and hugged her. I looked in the mirror in front of us and watched my tears bathe my face. I sat on my bed and it started with a light headed feeling and my chest caved in, my right arm was limp next to me. It seemed as if I was having an outer body experience. It was like I was watching myself from above me. I sat there and had my mournful cries. I was weak and finally made it inside my bed. I just laid there with no sleep. I swear I really tried to not hurt so much on that empty day. I lit a candle (a tea light) earlier. Put it in a heart shaped silver candleholder. That was when Drea called and told me to come over. I didn't want to blow out his candle that was lit by his pictures with a piece if his eucalyptus and when he was alive he had those little silver cubes with all the initials of his name. It was all there. I didn’t want to disturb it, but I couldn't leave with it burning. I blew really hard and it didn't want to extinguish. I tried six times and still there it was lit. I called Drea and asked if she wanted to come to my place instead. I told her what happened, she really wanted to stay home. So I made another attempt to extinguish the tea light. Drea heard the loud and powerful blow. It didn't work. So I said it allowed that it doesn't want to shut off. I took a second deep breath and finally it went out.