MInd? Where are you?

The absent feeling in my head keeps me adrift from my heart and my heart is looking for help from my mind. I can’t think straight lately. My thoughts are engulfed with what needs to be done. Like cleaning my fridge. I have no strength to even motivate myself to doing anything, but just think with my heart because my mind is fucking lost somewhere. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been told that I get very talkative when I drink a bit and my emotions are well “HELLO OUT THERE!” not like if they aren’t sober. They just seem to come out louder when I’m buzzed. Well that’s how I feel now, BUZZED. I have my birthday coming up and I wanted to create a beautiful invite of an artistic half nude photograph of me. I still haven’t got around to take the photos. I want to have my party in 12 days. I need to send this invite out now, but I can’t with out the photo. Then it’s the money situation. I have to take money out of my lousy savings. I have to whack the weeds in my yard. I have to find a job. I have to find a ticket to Florida for me and my niece for the 27th of this month and I can’t get in touch with her mother to do so. I started to talk to an old friend again, which by the way has not called me when he said he would. I just get that feeling that he’s avoiding me again. It just might be my over analyzing, but that’s not what my heart is telling me since my fucking mind isn’t here to help clear things. Then it’s my bills and how my unemployment check just doesn’t do it. I feel lost. I feel like everything around me is so far out of reach and dark. Even when I eat, after I’m done I feel intoxicated. There is def. no liquor in there at all. What is going on with my body? I guess I’m just lonely and my heart is feeling it big time that it has pushed my mind out of the way. I think I’m going to vomit.