I Stopped...

I took a muscle relaxer last night. I took it at 11pm right before “With Out A Trace” came on. I only took the muscle relaxer to help rid the pain. On New Year ’s Day at 12:02am I called my father to wish him a Happy New Year and a Happy Birthday. I had bent forward just a bit to dial the number and when I straightened up I felt a bit of pain in my lower back, thinking it was no big deal. I conference my sister in and when I turned the pain got worse. I hung up and couldn’t move. I was home for the entire weekend, (except my visit to the cemetery) trying to recuperate. The intense pain grew from my lower back and worked its way to my neck. I hated every minute of it. So Monday night, which was last night, I was still in pain. That, my friend, is why I surrendered to a muscle relaxer. Hoping that this time it will actually help. I've been prescribed pain killers and all sorts of great candy and they never worked. I was hoping this wasn't going to be one of those moments.

I actually thought I was starting to fall asleep. As I was lying in my bed with my eyes closed trying not to convince myself not to open them to look at the clock, an odd thing happened. This isn’t the first time that it happened, though I don’t understand what it is. I opened up my eyes in fear. I STOPPED BREATHING. Well that’s what it felt like. It woke me right up, I couldn’t fall back to sleep.

It was hard to get up this morning. I was tired as fuck and I had no choice but to get up for work. With no surprise, my pain was still there. I feel so damn weary. Now I don’t know if it’s because I’m not feeling well or if it’s the weather that is making me feel this way or if it’s the pill.

Was I really falling asleep or did I stop breathing? I will never know.