Update

So my mamma's results came back, she came up negative for the worst case of lupus, but positive for lupus, still don't know what kind but she has it. My roommate said he was going to be home but he never came home. So he's leaving supposedly, Friday, which in my eyes he's already gone because he's been sleeping at his new place and all his stuff has been gone since Monday. What ever! I got my bonus and it's going straight to my parents so they can pay my car insurance, it's under my father's name. I feel like royal shit, this strike is wearing me out. I walked for 45 minutes yesterday to get to my friend Ann's car to get a ride home. Not fun in the cold, immune system not good. Don't be surprised if I blog later on how sick I am. Christmas is almost here and being an atheist I'm going to go give support to my family. Go there and be with them. That's how I see it, a night of getting together and eating a lot of food. Mia is looking into her bedroom furniture and she'll be moving in soon. We're planning a New Year's Eve party at our place and well I'll let you know how that goes. This time of year saddens me. It reminds me of my brother Martino who passed away 11 years in January and of course January is a hard month for me too. 1994 Christmas was the last Christmas we had together, when he surprised his girlfriend and all of us that he was taking her to Mexico. She jumped on him like a little girl as the excitement sparked out of her. Much did we all know it was not a great trip. He left January 10th I think, and died there on January 16th, he never came home. He died 8 days before his 31st birthday. Well now typing this hurts my heart and the emptiness seem so much deeper. New Year's Eve in 1994 was the first time I didn't get to spend with my family, my brother had his girlfriend and well spent it with her and not the family again a first. 16 days later he died. I hate this time of year!!!

An arrrrrrrrrrrg moment

I came home last night and I see between my roommate and his friend on the couch a canon digital camera still in it's box. I thought it was my roommates friend's camera.

"Bought a new camera?"

The friend hesitated. Then my roommate says it's his that he gave him the money for it, but they are returning it for an exchange because what they wanted to do with it they can't with that camera they had right there.

My mind and blood went nuts!!! I thought he was struggling and wasn't even able to afford to give me half of next months rent. He said that he couldn't afford to pay the new apartments rent and give me half. When Mia is moving in mid January, so he should be paying me the half on next months rent, but only claims he can now give me $100 that his girlfriend is going to loan him. So hmmm... let's see you can't be responsible in making decisions and money and you rather dick over your roommate who you consider like a sister by accepting an offer on an apartment and give your so called roommate who is like a sister to you 2 weeks notice to find a roommate and well let's see here, she can't get one till mid January, but you claim you can't afford to pay both the new apartment and our rent...hmmm... So where the fuck did the money for the digital camera come from. HIS ASS?????

Just an arrrrrrrrrg moment to share.

To Bonus or Not To Bonus... that is the question

I'm sitting here at my desk exhausted. Feeling dizzy as my heart is racing a.k.a "not feeling well". Last week HR had sent me an email with a list of employee names and she wanted me to hand write everyone's name on an envelope. Bonus???? My name was on the list. Thing is I heard that it's a letter they put in that envelope. The envelope with a letter and a BONUS??? Will mine say thank you...blah blah blah... NO BONUS? or thank you ..... Blah Blah Blah here is your percentage raise and what your new salary is and looky here because you've been so great we feel you deserve this bonus now go ahead and pay off your car. Hmmm wondering. My review went well so I wonder if they would give me a raise and a bonus or either or I've only been here since August. My review did say that I did clean up the mess that was left from the previous person who had my position. I'm liked very much here, but does that even matter??? Wonder if anyone is getting a bonus. I know my receptionist is getting a raise, you can thank me for helping her show her how to help get her out of the gutter and back up to the surface. I helped her with organization skills and helped boost up her confidence. She had given up and well was not performing to expectation until I started to manage her. Oh well, we will see. I think we might get the envelopes some time this week. I'll let you know.

My Mamma

So I get a call from my sister the other day that my mom is positive for lupus. They have to do further testing to see what type she has. Her cholesterol is real high and there's all other sorts of things that aren't going well for my mamma. Why is it always raining?

He Came Over (The Someone I Met)

Is it bad of me that the only thing I want right now is his company when I get home from work and just cuddle to watch television? No kissing, just cuddling. Would that make me a bad person? I think not, but the only reason I ask is because I have this feeling that he likes me more than I like him, and the cuddling, you know a little quality time together with him feels as if he is liking me more and more. I know he likes me more than I like him. I know because he told me he has had his eye on me for a long time, that the night we finally got to hang out wasn't the first time he had seen me. He tells me I'm beautiful. He wanted to make reservations for dinner. He told me he was thinking about it the other night and how he didn't know how to choose a place because he heard how picky I am with food. I'm not picky, I just do not eat certain things, like meat and fish, but I do eat shell fish. It's the only thing I'm not allergic too. Oh yeah and I can't have any dairy. So I'm not picky I'm just difficult ; ) How do you think I feel when I have to order something on the menu? Especially when there is so much that does not accommodate me and minimal to accommodate me. But I'm happy with my shellfish no matter where I go, as long as they cook it good.

He is a smoker and that kills me. I think that might be a reason why I'm not into the kissing thing yet. I like the hugging and cuddling, I like the affection. He has tattoos (LOVE THAT) all over his arms and one huge cross on his back bigger than my freaking torso. I'm wondering how he will feel when I tell him I'm atheist. After I gone out with the girls from work last night he picked me up from the train station and when I got in the car I noticed he had a rosary hanging from his mirror. Soooo not me, it felt weird. How will he react when I tell him that it's not me? I'll just take the cuddling for now. He seems like a great guy, I want to get to know him, of course I'm the person who can sense things as soon as I meet someone. I sensed the comfort when I first met him so I went along with it. So here he is, one of my friend's brother who happens to be her twin. When I look at him I see her and that freaks me out a bit. I'm trying to overcome that. What ever happens will happen, friends or a man I will date. We'll,meaning me and all you readers ou there will find out in my future blogs. Ta Ta For Now Chhhhhaaaaa Chowwwwwwww!

My heart

It was him, the man who I fell in love with. I rarely go on my computer at home and one night I decided to download pictures I had on my digital camera. I went on my aol and didn't bother to look at my buddy list. Some time had passed as I watched the percentage go up. I maximized my aol window and looked at my buddy list. I saw his name. I haven't seen his name up in a long time. He got married and well that was the last of him. I called my friend and got her voicemail. I blabbered like a teenager telling her that HE was on line and that I was going to IM him. So I did. We said our hello's and how are you doing and what are you doing and then our I'll talk to you soon. I could not stop smiling, my heart was in my damn stomach, the giddiness overwhelmed me. I felt dizzy, I felt so happy and sad. It's like I fell in love all over again. Then I went on with my life.

A few nights before I had my little chat with the lost love of my life, I had an odd dream.

I was in my childhood home and of course it didn't look the same. My mother was talking to these two brokers who were sitting with their backs facing me. I was in the corridor watching them. One of the men looked over his shoulder slowly raising his head up from his chest. I almost fell back and lost my breath. When he finally showed his entire face I realized that it wasn't who I thought it was and that would be my brother Martino who passed away. I told him that he scared the shit out of me, that I thought he was my brother. I walked away and found my way into the bathroom. On the grey counter I found a large human heart. I had it in my hand it was almost the size of a football. I called my mother over and showed her.

"Ma, look. I have Martino's heart."

"Don't show your sister, don't let her get her hands on it."

My mother wanted me to keep my brother's heart, it was meant for me to hold. Then I found myself in a mansion sized place running up the stairs trying to escape from these people who were invisible. They were trying to take my brother's heart away from me. I ran and ran and ran and that is all I could remember.

I told my mom about the dream and she told me that it's weird how I dreampt that his heart was so big, because when he died he had a big heart. Medically. He is my angel.

Then here we have a few days later a man who had my heart talking to me on line that I haven't spoken to or seen in a long time. I miss having that great feeling and after that dream, I miss my brother the most.

Another One Bites The Dust

Last night, Monday, December 12th, I was sitting on my couch watching Las Vegas. My roommate was ironing his shirt and pants in the living room. I sensed something was wrong, but ignored it. He looked sad, to himself, withdrawn. I asked how his day off was, and he said it was fine. He finishes up and puts my mothers old ironing board back in its place. He leaves the living room and goes into his bedroom. Three minutes later as I was being a bum on the couch he tells me he has to tell me something.

"This man came into the store and told me about an apartment he has in his house, it's a really good deal and I want to take it before the holidays."

Okay this is when I had to tell myself, "CiaFai? Calm down, don't flip the fuck out, be calm about it."

He continues.

"I don't want to worry about fighting and disturbing. Like when I fought with Mia, I was wrong and then when me and Monica fight it disturbs you. I don't want to disturb you and I don't want to be disturbed."

"You're not disturbing me, you and Monica don't fight anymore."

He had it stuck in his head that he wanted to move out. I didn't care, he was ready to move on but the only reason I was upset was because of the time limit he gave me. He tells me he is leaving and wants to leave before the holidays. Which means, Christmas, December 25th. 13 days before he wants out. Actually he wants to leave before the 13 days as he said "before the holidays." He told me that he already found a bed that he found a good deal on for $500, that him and another friend we both know have gone shopping and bought some things for the new apartment and he has it over his girlfriends house. Now, my blood was boiling. I had to keep calm. No fight No fight I kept telling myself. So that means he's been planning this, and hasn't told me till now, you just don't do things like that. It's not like he lives in a horrible environment, that I'm so intolerable to live with. He's being a sneak on this and he blew up his spot on it. I have a quick mind and I do not forget the way someone treats me wrong. I told him he had to wait till I found a roommate, that it was going to be impossible to find someone in two weeks. He said he'll ask around, but didn't want to miss out on the apartment. I told him that he needed to tell this man that he has a roommate and needs to give me time to find another roommate. He's more worried about not getting this apartment because I probably need time to find an apartment. Tough shit he didn't care about me when he told the man he wanted the apartment. These are thing you talk through with your roommate, you give a heads up and not a two week heads up.

Come on who makes decisions like that?? He left and later on he came back into the living room as I was sitting there trying not to stress and ignore what just happened and watch television. I looked at him and decided to act on this situation, again with a calm matter.

"So, how long have you known about this apartment?"

"Oh, I just found out two days ago."

"So, you found out two days ago and you already went shopping for your new apartment, hmmm it's real funny how you did all that and never mentioned anything to your roommate." He's been my roommate for 2 1/2 years. I treated him like a brother.

He got frustrated. Hello, if anyone should be frustrated it should be ME!! "Oh I only bought" and it just sounded like blah blah blah after that. For goodness sake he already had a bed picked out knew the price on it and told the guy on the spot that he wanted the apartment. This is no spontaneous thing that happened, this is something that has been going on that he has neglected to tell me. He's been keeping his purchases at his girlfriends house, that means he's hiding it from me. I'm no fucking fool. So I'm taking my time in finding a roommate, actually I already found one, Mia. She wanted to move into the city. I didn't want to break her dream in moving into the city. I called her up and asked her

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for apartments."

"Why don't you put a hold on that and move in with me?"

I filled her in and she agreed to move in. She can't move in until mid January. I get to live with my best friend, but now it's my turn to take time on letting him know what is going on. I'm going to make him squirm. He didn't want to pay for January's rent and have to pay January's rent at the new place because he can not afford it and is afraid the man will give away the apartment by then, I doubt it if he supposedly just asked him three days ago. Come the fuck on!!! He tells me that this man is a very nice man and he knows him from shopping in the store he works in. If Mia found an apartment already I would have been fucked. Yeah I have someone to move in, so why should I be so mad? Well it's the point of respect and treating me with it. If you are an honest person you would not put them in the predicament he put me in. Thank goodness for Mia, but if she wasn't there, I would be here typing as my hair falls out of my head. So what? I have the right to get upset.

All Employees Must Wash Hands

So there I am shitting in the office bathroom. I hear the door open, and I have a good guess of who just walked in, but I sit there and mind my own business. They pee flush and then walk right out the door. She didn't even wash her hands. Ewwwwwwwwww!!! That is why I always take my napkin all the way to my desk as I'm wiping my hands dry. I wash my hands grab the napkin and dry them as I'm walking out and turn the knob with the napkin. I don't get those people? What is wrong with you????

Company Holiday Gift Giving and Receiving

So this is in our company handbook.

Company Ethics; Associate's Standards of Conduct. Acceptance of gifts in excess of twenty-five dollars ($25) is prohibited. Associates may not accept any gifts, favors or hospitality that might influence their decision-making or actions affecting the Company.

My comment:

Twenty freaking five flopping bucks??? Are you kidding me? So I get this card from a vendor and there's a whopping $100 gift card in there, 4 $25's gift cards. I'm so bummed. Ahhhhhhh. And the email went out to us, because I opened my big mouth and asked if we can accept monetary gifts. I only asked because someone had mentioned it a while back and I know that one day they would find out if I got a monetary gift around the holidays. I'm such a dodo. Ahhhh... I have to give back $75 or do I need to give all of my gift back, I mean come on it's a gift that they felt I deserve. It's not going to change my mind in doing more business with them. I'm not the idiot, well apparently I guess I am because I opened my big dang mouth.

I Met Someone Last Night

Yes you read the title correct, I met someone last night. Shocker! I know. Someone finally came up to me and was interested in me. Yes that is right , he was interested in me.

We, meaning the girls went out for Mia's birthday. We went to a club in NYC. We had a table and drank up. I only had two drinks. One at the bar and then one at the table. Saw some friends I haven't seen in a while and then was introduced to some others. I had my digital camera and took some photos. I brought my hobby out with me. It was an awesome night. I finally met one of my friend's brother whom I totally forgot that she had a twin brother. We were all nice to one another and it was a great group of people having a good time. Eventually we started talking and I had thought the girl he came with was his girl. It wasn't and well I sort of felt a bit of an interest on his side. I thought he was a nice guy and got a good vibe from him. He would laugh at things I was saying, he found me funny. His other friend who I called the molester, had me on the floor laughing. I know I've met this other guy from somewhere else. I asked him if he had a motorcycle and if he once hung out at this one spot I thought I had seen him at. Ends up it was the same guy.

"So, did you like me?"
I laughed, he so rough, that somewhat hard Italian attitude.

I said "NO" with a firm tone

"Did you want to kiss me?"

Again, "NO"

I was dying I wanted to just laugh so hard in his face. He then was very interested in my body. Yikers. I wanted to run.

"Take a picture with me"

So I made him happy. We were all just having a good time.

So to get away from him, I went over to the other guy, my friend's brother. I felt comfortable, because I knew he was my friend's brother, so he wasn't so much of a stranger. I told him to help me. To put his arm around me when we took a picture so that other dude would stay away. We ended up having a great time as I entertained him with my humorous personality. Oh yeah that's right I have one. A personality and it has a great sense of humor in it. So we hit it off, he held my hand and all that. It was comforting. I liked it. I just have to get to know him. We all ended up going to an after hours spot and danced and danced and he would hug me. It felt good. I haven't had that in a while. So I took the opportunity and enjoyed it. He asked for my number and well he already called and I'm going to take this opportunity to get to know him. You never know where this will end, it could be a guy I start to date or he could be added to my circle of friends. What ever it is, I'm glad I met him.

To one of my ANONYMOUS readers

So I get this comment.

Listen blondie, if you dedicate your time to other things than this useless blog you may find what you are lacking in life.We all know deep down inside you are a sweet person. However, its time to remove the bricks and let someone into your heart.I am sure there is one person in this world that would like to get to know you but you refuse to let people in.However, the blogs you write are short of entertainment and more of a bore. I read them to try and understand what is int hat mind of yours. That circus act needs to stop. Anyway....now that I typed something the ball is your court to reply to this mystery writer.

First off why call me blondie?

Second, you want a reply? Read my comment after yours on my blog, though why would you come back if I'm such a bore?

Third, if I'm not interested in someone that doesn't mean I refuse people in my life, I don't want to bother with that one particular person. That doesn't make me evil building a brick wall. Maybe it's the other people who can not accept me having any interest in them.

Fourth, do not tell me how to spend my time! If this blog is so useless then why did you come here?

Fifth, so my blogs are short of entertainment and more of a bore...then why are you so interested in my reply? My blog is who I am sucker. I know you read this because I told you if you wanted to get to know me take a look at my blog. What kind of life do you have that is so entertaining and grand? Nothing, because if you did you would not be on the internet reading my blog, your fascinating life wouldn't be right here right now reading this.

Sixth, I do let people in my heart... that's why I'm loved and love so much.

By the way, I met someone last night. So much for your philosophy.

Understand what is my mind? Let's put it this way.... You just don't get me!!

Have a Nice Day!

My Readers

I always wonder who my readers are. I know you are out there. I then wonder what they are like and what they felt as they read my blog. So.... hello reader this is CiaFai, how are you? I would love to get your feedback. Don't be shy. I would just like to know what brought you here and what has kept you to coming back. I really don't see any comments. Why don't you change that? Thank you for reading my blog, welcome to my CiaFai world.

They Left

My parents and youngest brother left today. (I started to type this the day the left which was Thursday, December 1st) I wasn't able to take them to the airport because I had to go to work. I slept in my bed with my mother, because I refused to sleep with my brother on the area bed in my living room. He's sick and there is no way I'm getting myself sick. Low immune system and with this crazy New York weather, I am not chancing it. I woke my mother up in the middle of the night because she sounded like she was choking on her own breath. My worst fear, my mother die. It scared me practically to death. Then one night she told me I sat up and spoke in Italian. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I thought they took the covers off me. Hmm I wonder who I was talking about. Anyway... It was Monday when we finally went to my apartment after being in the Bronx since Thursday. Before heading to my apartment I had to get my cat some litter for her litter box and my parents wanted to go to the cemetery to visit my brother. My parents live in Florida and never get a chance to visit their son's grave.

Like any father who is in his 70's, I kept getting yelled at while I was driving by my dad. Turn here, turn there, go this way, go that way, do this, do that, why do you get yourself so aggravated, you're too close to the car, you're this, you're that. Ahhhhhh!! My father’s mind is slowly going and he's driving mine up the wall. I love him to death. I would give my life for his. It's crazy how much you can miss your parents when they live so far away. We are a close family and to be so far apart kills me. Living with them now would kill me too. My nerves would be shot and I would be balled. I left my parents in the parking lot as I purchased the litter. I get back in and we drive off to the cemetery that was across the street. My father wanted me to stop and get flowers first. He yelled at me for the way I was positioning my car for him to get out. I was only trying to make it easier for him and for myself due to the u-turn I would have to pull getting out of the spot. So as he got out, my mother and I rolled our eyes and said he was a crazy man. He comes back with two bunches of flowers.

"Wow they're still the same. Five dollars. No more, no less."

I watched my father hold onto the flowers, I felt his pain. I felt the pain hit me from the back seat of my car. My mother. I knew this was going to be hard. Before my parents moved away, I would go with them to the cemetery and watch them as I was slowly dying, cry over my brothers grave. The weakness, the pale color on their face. Their scarred soul. I would cry more in the inside and shed a river out. I had to act strong for my parents. I had to hold them up. I had to embrace them when I had no strength myself. I had to understand that they were in more pain than me and I couldn't imagine more pain than what I felt. So that day (Monday) we went back to the cemetery, I knew it was a long time since they've been there last. Someone dug a grave up and piled a hill of soil on my brothers resting place. Thank goodness his tomb stone wasn't covered. It was cold and my father stuck two green metal vases in the ground with the plastic still on it. To watch him, put my heart right into my stomach. He put the flowers in and I poured some water I had in an one liter coke bottle. I had to be strong once again. My father stood straight and said

"Martino, we are here."

Right there and then I grabbed my parents and cried like a baby telling them how much I love them and there we were, crying. They begged me to move down to Florida, that I would live like a princess. I knew deep in my heart that I wouldn't. I couldn't take all the screaming and yelling and the old age. So then three days later they left. I love you MAMMA E PAPA!

You Never Knew Till Now...

It amazes me how people have nothing better to do with their lives than talk about me. To add a cherry on top it's all lies about me and the person making up the lies is the person who is talking about me in general. Who, by the way is someone I hardly ever see nor speak to. From a conversation I had with her a while back about how I do not have a boyfriend and how I enjoy being single and do not want to be with anyone now. She told me that one day my time will come. It was a big conversation how I DIDN't have a boyfriend. Then time passes and this woman talks to someone else and says that I have a whole bunch of boyfriends. To put it out there for you, she was calling me a slut. Telling people that I'm with many men. Come the fuck on... are you kidding me? So, you see... when rumors get around, don't be surprised it's someone you hardly ever see or talk to who started it all.

I Wanted To Smack Her

What is up with people who need to be slapped? I’m not saying hard, just an awakening. Last night, I walk out of my office into the elevator lobby and across from my office is another office. A woman walks out and gets to the elevators before me. She just stands there. Doesn’t press the down button with her arms crossed. I look at her as I’m walking up to the elevators and think, as she is looking at me, maybe I’m distracting her. So I get there and well waited two seconds. Still, no movement from this woman but just a stare at me. So I press the down button and wonder what the heck is wrong with her. So obviously it’s 5 o’clock, we’re all going home, if you are going down you are going to the lobby. Another woman had walked out and started talking to her so they both rush into the damn elevator as if I wasn’t there and trying to knock me down. Like if they have the right away to get in before me because they are older, so again the woman neglected to press the L button. I was the last one on the damn elevator. I wanted to slap her. What the heck am I her servant? Is she to good to press the button? Did she not want to get her prissy freak’n finger dirty??? What was it? Oh I know she wanted a smack on her face!

This morning, waiting for an elevator, you can either go down to the Lower Level or go up. So I press the up button. We, meaning people, are waiting for the up elevator to light up green that indicates that it is going up. This freaking chick from the whole other side of the damn elevator lobby of my building decides to run over and get in front of everyone, when they have been standing there before her waiting. Bitch we were here before you, why don’t you walk in like a human and not like a fucking lunatic. She looked at me in the elevator and because of that bitch I almost didn’t get on, sure I could have waited, but it’s the moral and respect. So I gave her the look like you better be scared of me bitch, I saw what you did! SMACK!! That’s what I wanted to do! Like children who get slapped by their parents who think they are disciplining their children. Which by the way I do not think children should get hit, only a tap on their hand telling them what they did is wrong. But heck if you are a freaking adult you know you are doing wrong and damn it, you deserve to be smacked, try to knock some sense into that selfish head of theirs.

Huffed and Puffed

So, the Chinese delivery man huffed and puffed about his $5 tip. Are you kidding me???? He stood there waiting with the receipt in his hand. My receptionist looked at him with those what eyes. I told her to show me and it was signed and the tip was included. I told him it was fine and then told my receptionist that you don't need to do anything else. Then I said Thank you to the delivery man. So he huffed and puffed all the way out the door. All he had was two bags not a load feeding 100 people. I just don't get people. You can not ask for more money on a tip!!! You get what the person feels you deserve and what that person can afford!

Listening To An Annoying Voice

Has the voice of someone ever make you sick? Just listening to their voice, you hold back the vomit that rests in your throat. The disintegration of your stomach starts taking it's course. Your nerves all of a sudden makes your chest feel like it's under water with a ton of people stepping on it. Has this ever happened to you?

Waiting

Don't you hate it when you're waiting for a phone call from your doctor? I do. Today, I called and told the secretary about how the medicine the doctor prescribed me are making me feel worse and if I should continue taking them or should I be taking them differently.

"She won't be in till 2 today, I'll give her the message and have her call you."

"Ok, take down my work and cell just in case I don't pick up at my desk."

I gave her the numbers. 3:47pm still no call. My receptionist went home on half a personal day to take her daughters trick or treating. My temp called in sick and well besides me feeling like I got hit by a Mack truck I had no choice but to cover the front desk.

So here I am sitting at the front desk holding in my urine for hours, maybe it was an hour or two, and I had to wait for freaking UPS and FEDEX to come pick up their packages. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore I walked to the bathroom in pain holding on to my cell phone hoping my damn doctor would call. Before I went to the bathroom I called the Dr's office and left a message to call on my cell. Can you believe it I had to bring my damn cell phone to the bathroom so I wouldn't miss the doctor's call. It's 4:26pm, I'm out of work at 5 and STILL no call. Unbelievable. I could have died. Ok not really I would have went to the emergency room, but come on I feel real sick. It's been a month already and all it is doing is getting worse.

Amethyst

Today I wore my amethyst ring. Let me take you back to a long time ago, but before I do that, the reason I put on my amethyst ring today was because of my second oldest brother. Lucio came over last night with his one year old son. He needed to use my computer. Thing is I have a tower that my brother in law gave me in my living room that is not hooked up. I'm waiting to copy all my files on my current computer and then hooking up the tower my brother in law gave me. Since that tower has XP on it, my brother plugged it in and took my huge monitor from my current computer and started to work on that one in the living room. Then he would put the monitor back where it originally was. As he was putting the huge monitor back on my desk, it fell forward, good thing he wasn't right under it. Everything on my desk went flying. There was a box filled with sentimental things and well, it broke and everything went flying out of it. My gold medal for singing from High School. My name ring that my second oldest brother gave me, My brother Martino's who passed away, sunglasses were in there and there were other things that I can not remember at this particular moment. When my brother and I went scrounging on the floor picking everything up he found another ring. It was the ring Martino gave me a long time ago. Honestly it was a replica of the ring Martino and his ex wife gave to me a very long time ago.

I had a friend from High School who had a younger brother who was trouble. I always took off all my rings and put it by the sink in my old house where I grew up, when I had to wash my face. One day my friend at the time came over and her brother ended up coming over for some reason to talk to her. He had to use the bathroom and well he took forever and a day. My youngest brother brought it up to me and we found it strange. After he left I went into the bathroom and all my jewelry was missing. Every single day I took my rings off and layed it beside that damn sink, nothing ever happened to it till that day long ago. I was furious. I told my friend that her brother was in the bathroom way to long and the reason was because he stole my jewelry. I punched the wall almost making a hole. At the time, my brother Martino was still alive. When my brother passed away, I was so upset when I thought about the ring.

After Martino died I started working with my ex sister in law, Lucio's wife. A man at her job had this book of jewelry that he was selling. There it was. The ring Martino bought me. I saved and saved to end up finally purchasing it. It still hurts me so much when I think about what happen to the one he got me. There was a reason why I saw that ring in that book, my brother was already gone for atleast a year or two, but my heart wanted me to buy it.

So today, I put it on. My amethyst ring.

Things Said In The Office That Sounds Dirty

I’ll come when I’m done.

You can stick it right here.

You’re too tight you need to loosen up.

Can you get it to work?

One Word

I received an email ONE WORD. So I replied and then forwarded it to a few friends.

One Word Describe me in one word - just one. And don’t say Crazy. Look deep inside me and tell me what you find freaks! Send it to me (only me). Then forward this email to your friends andsee how many strange things people think about you. Reply it's fun

This is what they said

beautiful
Hurt
lonely
Ok, no crazy how about Insane?? LOL!! Seriously though, I would have to say Spirited.
Unique
Though I have only known you for a very short time I have to say you are: BEAUTIFUL (heart wise)

You care so much about those closest to you that even your bluntness and unreserved manner of expressing your thoughts and feelings is appreciated because they know it comes from the heart.

Though, I do see you very passionate as well

Thoughtful!
stupid! lol
Outstanding
Strange

unforgettable

i always remember you, your laughs your jokes and your fun

Ecentric

Numbers

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve! great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Lactaid Pills

So I’ve finally had enough courage and took a Lactaid pill before destroying my stomach with a cinnamon raison toasted bagel with cream cheese and jelly. My coworker has a box of them in her desk draw. She said they worked for her, so I thought

“hmmm…I don’t think it will work for me, but I won’t know unless I try right?”

So, she gave me one. I ate my bagel. Then being lactose intolerant…well you should know the rest.
Lactaid pills are BULL SHIT!!!

My Sister

She was starting a new job. So she decided to go to the doctor before she left her old job and started her new one. The gyno said that her ovary was extremely infected.

My sister was supposed to go in for surgery and get out in two days. It’s been a week and she still lies in a hospital bed. At 30 something she had her partial hysterectomy leaving her with only one ovary to balance her hormones. She just recently went to the gyno and well, there was no if’s or buts, she had to have surgery. They found her only ovary extremely infected. Not to mention she has problems with her bladder. It all had to do with the birth of her only child. It was a complicated birth. So while in there, they were going to do surgery on her bladder. The doctors could not understand why she was enduring so much pain. It should have subsided a bit and all it did was get worse. They had found her one ovary left intertwined into her intestines. The doctor could not believe all the scar tissue that was built inside. This surgery was more complicated than they thought. They removed her ovary and while doing that they ended up digging into her intestine stitching it back up. They put something inside her bladder, for the life of me I cannot remember what it is called at the moment. So they removed the scar tissue removed the ovary and stitched her intestine right back up and then to recovery. Two days and she goes home.

Things didn’t work out the way they were suppose to. They did an emergency surgery, thinking that the fluids from her intestines were infecting her abs and her insides. They said it was deadly and needed to do an emergency exploratory surgery. They went in and had three surgeons look at the stitches on her intestine, it all looked fine, but found her appendix looking a bit shady, so they removed it. Day three and my sister was in excruciating pain. Let me tell you I’ve had four surgeries and the after surgery pain is a BITCH!!

She was in the hospital for over a week. My sister is stubborn and it gets me nervous. She has a heart problem, she told me that the cardiologist doctors would always come and check up on her, they all took a liking to my sister. Of course, she’s a great beautiful person. Heck, she’s related to me. As I called her every single day she couldn’t even recognize my voice on the phone, they had her all drugged up. She told me every single day that the pain wasn’t getting any better, she would cry on the phone and I had to be the strong one, when inside I was crumbling. In January it will be 11 years that my brother passed away and I get real nervous now, with my sister having a heart problem and having difficulty recovering. She would cry telling me that the doctors didn’t even know what was wrong.

My parents were a wreck. They had to be strong too. One day my mother told me that the doctors loved my sister so much and they did everything and anything to try and take away her pain but they didn’t know what it was. My mother also told me that the doctor told my sister that she took her from up there and brought her back down here. In other words, the doctor took my sister from dying and brought her back to life. My sister was dying and here I was in New York not able to do a damn thing. So here I am trying to be strong and go to my new job putting up a front that my life is grand, when inside I was dying.
She’s back home now, still in pain, but working and taking it real slow. Till this day, it’s been about a month, the most, since her surgery. She still suffers and still does not know what is wrong. This, my fellow readers, is part of my everyday life. Welcome to the every day pouring rain of Cha Fai’s life.

Think Twice

A coworker came by my desk and complained about the bathroom. Someone left their turd in the toilet.

“I mean come on don’t you look to make sure it goes down?”

I started to think, hmm did I flush?

Sure I did, I remember looking back and flushing just the toilet paper. I know it wasn’t me because I do courtesy flushes. So no turd sticking around from me.
But just the idea scared the shit out of me. You know that having to think twice thing, like when you walk out of the bathroom people see you feeling yourself up, when it actuality you’re checking to see if you zippered up. You zippered up as soon as you pulled your pants up just like flushing it’s natural just to turn around after you are done with your business and pick up your pants and hit the handle with your foot.

REALLY

On the train ride home Mia and I were talking about Halloween costumes. We still don’t know what we are doing. I told her we should get dressed up and go Trick Or Treating. Then we reminisced on when we went Trick Or Treating when we were kids. I asked if she remembered getting McDonald Ice Cream Sunday or Cone coupons. She did. We wondered if McDonalds still does that. I told Mia it’s weird how things have changed. Now when you ask for extra ketchup they only give you two. I wish things were the way they use to be way back when.

Not sure if I blogged about this incident, but I don’t give a shit and it’s pertinent to this story. My cousin was here from Oklahoma, yes that is correct I know someone in Oklahoma. She was staying out in Long Island by my cousin’s house. She had slept over because we went out the night before and well she had to go back to Long Island and I had to go to work. She took the train ride with me, I kept going and she went to Jamaica to catch the LIRR. So here we are sitting on the train, she had her carry on and this dude decided to get on to the train with his bicycle and stand right in front of my cousin. I was prepping my cousin letting her know that her stop was next. As she was trying to get up the jackass wouldn’t move out of her way so she was stuck and couldn’t get up with her carry on. I screamed out that she needed to hurry up that the doors were going to close and she was going to miss her stop. So I got up running to hold the door open for her. As she walks out, I turn around and see some young man in a suit literally running for my seat. When everyone on the train and in California heard me screaming from the top of my lungs that she was going to miss her stop and they all watched me run to keep the door open for her, you know, because no one near the door had the courtesy to do it. As I turn my head I see him jamming. I yell out to him that I’m sitting right back down. He didn’t fucking care. So as he sat in my seat I went right up into his face and said

“You’re a FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Then thank goodness no one took my cousin’s seat but of course I had to go around the bicycle and finally sat down and the whole ride into the city I kept cursing him out, saying it loud enough so he can hear me and ranting how he’s a fucking asshole and not a fucking MAN!!

I'm Bringing In My Lunch

What is up with people working in the food industry who cannot get a lunch order right?
Yesterday, I ordered Mexican with two co-workers. They took forever and a day to deliver it and then once it got here, my receptionist paid the delivery guy. My receptionist watched him leave and went around her desk to grab the bag she saw him put down on the side of her desk, dumb ass delivery guy should have put it on her desk. When she looked on the side of her desk nothing was there. Dingbat took our food with him. It took another freaking century to get our food and to top it off it was cold. I wanted my $3 tip back, the Dumb Ass delivery guy didn’t deserve it. It’s a good thing I wasn’t up front when he came back. I would have snatched it right out of his damn pocket!!

TODAY!!! We ordered for lunch AGAIN, because my lazy ass didn’t cook something last night to bring in for lunch today. Actually, I had dinner at my friend’s house, there were no leftovers. I was craving a shrimp patty from the Golden Crust place. It was raining and crappy out so me and another co-worker decided to order in. I didn’t want to place the order, because some way some how the people on the other end of the phone do not understand English. Maybe next time I should speak with a foreign accent. When I say EXTRA that means MORE, not I need NOTHING! Assholes! Any hoots, I had my co-worker place the order. She ordered 3 Shrimp patties, 1 Beef patty and an order of fried sweet plantains. After an hour I was turning into a skeleton, the order finally gets here. We go into the kitchen and she found something wrong. OF COURSE WHY NOT? Two shrimp patties were missing. I tried calling the place up, but the line was busy, oh I should mention that with that whole hour of waiting I was calling to find out where the heck our order was and the phone was busy. So how frustrating is that? Trying to find out what is going on with your order when the damn line is busy for over an hour. So pissed beyond belief, we sat down and ate whatever we had as I kept dialing the busy line. I get to my desk and wait and then call. The phone rings. FINALLY! This woman picks up and I tell her our problem. She said she was going to send over the two shrimp patties. I thanked her and said goodbye.

I get a call forwarded to me and it’s a woman from the Golden Crust place. I was boggled but asked her what was up. She was boggled too and we figured out the call was forwarded to me. I told her that we ordered 3 shrimp patties and we only got one. She says

“I have two shrimp patties”

“I ordered three”

Then her fucking attitude came slashing me “ I KNOW WHAT YOU’VE ORDERED, I ONLY HAVE TWO PATTIES AND NOW I HAVE NONE!”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, is this woman kidding me? Giving me attitude for her mistake oh no. I kept my cool.

“I paid for three”

Still with an asshole attitude that needed to be fucking stabbed with a knife,

“WE DON’T HAVE ANYMORE SHRIMP PATTIES”

The bitch had nerve to raise her voice this entire time. If anyone should be raising her voice it should be me, making ME wait over a damn hour for my food when you are half a block away and then YOU deliver an incomplete order. FUCK OFF FUCKER!!

“So then give us back our money”

She became less vocal and said “OK” and hung up.
NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE fucks with me and my food! What is wrong with these people, how the heck do they have a job in that industry?

BTW

I am far from being BITTER! Just filled with a lot of love, humor and creativity until someone crosses the line. Then the angry impatient me comes out.

After Hour

Ok so it wasn’t the AFTER HOURS you are thinking about, but it was after that lousy Happy Hour. One of my three friends received a phone call while she was in the bathroom at Happy Hour. We knew she has stomach problems, but we didn’t think she would have staid in the bathroom as long as she did. She came out all jolly and told us that she had a phone call while she was in the bathroom. Aha, so that’s why she took forever and a day. I had told someone that she was probably building her own toilet. I guess I was wrong. She received a call from a guy she’s has been talking to. I guess you can call it dating. He had invited her and the three of us to go to his apartment for dinner. He would buy us dinner. I was totally up for a free dinner.

One of our friends had to go home to take care of her daughter, so here we are Moe, Larry and Curly walking down Manhattan streets. I refused to take the train and said

“Let’s just jump into a cab.”

I was then called Little Miss Rich Girl. I WISH!!

“TAXI!”

We all got into a cab and were on our way to an adventurous night. Adventurous it was. We get to this loft, this man answers the door in a wife beater, well I think that’s what it was and some worn out jeans. He kisses us on our cheeks international style with his little accent. We were in awe of the size of the place and wished we could own a place just like it. Of course I would go crazy designing it in my own style. Again, the infatuation of being rich. We had to watch The Next Top Model, because supposedly this dude was a photographer and if I heard correctly, he had told us that he was going to be interviewed to be a photographer in the next season. Who knows and who cares?

I ordered a salad and a veggie burger, tuna and a seaweed salad was ordered for everyone else. We watched the show sipping on red wine, for the life of me I don’t remember what kind. I went off on how ugly I thought the models were and didn’t understand how they were on the show.

So from watching the show munching on some din din and sipping red wine, he played some music on his DJ turntables. He wanted to take photos of us. So we started with the innocent three friends sitting on a couch take. Then he wanted to take individual shots. This is when it got a bit risqué. Moe unbutton her shirt and took her bra off, did the whole sexy open shirt you can see my cleavage look. Larry got on the couch and started grooving the playboy look, it was fucking hysterical. Then came me, Curly. Well I was tired and had no make up on, so I felt a bit UGLY! Since I have a little experience with modeling I just did the serious seductive look. Nothing crazy. My glass of red wine took part of the shoot. Larry had a great idea for me to take photos with out my shirt and no bra and her holding my breast from behind, you know, that whole Janet Jackson album cover look. We did it. Then the three of us ended up topless and well I was holding on to my breast for dear life, laughing so hard because Larry thought she was covering my nipples when in fact those babies were bare to the lens. We laughed and had a great time.

I threw my bra back on and the dude had an attack started taking photos of me just like that. So I went with it and posed. I threw my shirt back on and walked over to a bango and started to tap it to the beat of the music. Some other chick came over, it was the dude’s friend and then we decided to stay for 15 more minutes and well thought it was late and wanted to go home. It was only 10pm, but we had to go. I left a note on the dude’s fridge.

“Send me those damn photos.”
I put all three email addresses on it and still wait upon the photos. Got an e-mail that some came out great, but still no second e-mail with the photos. It surely was an adventurous night.

Happy Hour

Thursday, October 6th a few friends and I went out for a drink. Happy Hour. Well, let me tell you it was not a Happy Hour. The company was Happy doing, but the stupid wench bitch bartender needed to get her asshole adjusted.

I was told by a few friends, in general, that I have rage. That I need help, either meds or well just get help. So I’ve been trying to control myself lately.

We got into the bar and we asked for the Mango Mojito in a pitcher special for $20. The wench said there was no such thing. We let her know that it was on their fucking site. She said that she would kill someone if that was true. Like she owned the fucking place. BITCH PLEASE!! So then our next question was,
“So what Happy Hour special do you have then?”

Wench replied, “Nothing, we don’t have anything.”

OOOOOOOOOOOO, just the thought of it now makes me want to bash her fucking head into the bar and watch the blood splatter all over the place from breaking her precious fucking nose, as her teeth are knocked out.

Ok, so she walks away. I ask her if they serve food and she said they did. I asked her for a menu and the stupid braud fucking gives me a drink menu. I mean COME ON!! She deserves a fucking beating. She hands it to me and walks away, so that way she doesn’t give me enough time to tell her off and that she has no fucking brains.

She comes back and I ask her for the FOOD MENU. She gives it to me with that fake smile. She was annoyed that she actually had to work. FUCK YOU BITCH! That’s what I really wanted to say. As I was looking at the menu, one of my friends found a pitcher of Sangria for $23 on the drink menu. She confronted the WENCH and she said,

“I thought you said there weren’t any specials. I had asked you if there were any special and you said there was nothing, you have a pitcher of Sangria for $23 on this menu.”

Wench said obnoxiously, “ No, you never asked me that. I wouldn’t have told you there was nothing.”

Blood started boiling in my friend’s vein’s as mine was. I, trying to better myself was trying not to yank her from the other side of the bar and wail on her. So I kept my cool.

My friend’s eyes were getting ready to pop out as she turned to me,

“Didn’t I ask her if there were any specials?”

I tried not looking at the wench and said in a calm voice,

“Yeah, you did.”

Wench was annoyed and took our order of a pitcher of Sangria. The bitch filled the entire pitcher of ice not giving us much Sangria. When she took it out of a fridge she spilled a good part of it on the floor. GOOD BITCH get your shit clothes stained.

So wench asked me how many glasses.

“One, two or three?”

I told her “Four” Obviously I wanted four, there were the four of us there.

She says “One?”

I tried not to kill her with my look, and said “FOUR”

She came back and gave me one.

What a fucking idiot.

We ordered some appetizers. Got one and she forgot to put the other order in. DITZ!

“Excuse me, we need 3 more glasses.”

“You said one.”

“No, I did not ask for one, you said one, I had asked for four.”

My other friend vouched for me. Wench was convinced that she was right again, just the way she thought she was when my friend asked for the specials. What a fucking dumb ass wench.

So, she was annoyed and was like,

“Is that it?”
Uhh what it took me not to go into one of my rages. My third friend kept telling me that wench was starring at me. I thought oh great now she’s gay and wants me. I come to find out later that it wasn’t a pleasant look she was giving me. She was lucky I didn’t see it. I would have not held back then. Another bartender takes over the wench’s shift and the first thing she said to the people next to us as they sat down was the Happy Hour specials. I hope that wench’s house burns down while she’s taking a shit in her bathroom and gets burned. I know, I’m still working on the rage thing.

Almost There

So I had a list of what was to come ahead. Here we are, ahead. So instead of blogging long ass stories about each topic, I will type a lot less to mend it all in one blog, which would be the one you are reading right now.

VMA’s - Sucked big hairy balls!! They should have called it the HHMA- Hip Hop Music Awards. Puff Pdiddy Pa Pa whhhhhhhhatever!!! He always goes over. I mean I love all music, but it wasn’t necessary to concentrate on one genre that night. I was disappointed.

September 11th - When I typed that topic down, there was something important I wanted to blog about it, but time has passed and I do not remember what I wanted to say, only that the day still brings me sorrow and anger. I constantly think about all those people who died, and how I went to NYC hospitals and put my name down to volunteer. Looking at all the photos on the wall of missing people. It is a time in my life that everyone felt what I could feel.

The Green Day concert - Awesome!! He got people from the audience to play on stage, and they did great. Too bad I can’t play an instrument, but the only one I can play is my vocal box. La la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Oh yeah and he masturbated right up on that stage. Again, awesome. I love going to concerts, I get so excited and mad at the same time. When I know it could be me up there and it’s really me in a seat not close enough.

Ok Folks that is it for now. I will return. Soon.

THE OFFICE BATHROOOOOOOOOOOOM

Ok so here we are again. The bathroom situation at work. Just the other day I got locked in one of the stalls and had to crawl out. A coworker was in the bathroom and we laughed our asses off as I was struggling. So my situation in general about the bathroom and it could even be in a public bathroom too is the retardness that goes on. I remember at my old job some girl said she wouldn’t take a shit at work and would wait till she got home. Let me tell you if I had that mentality I would have shitted on myself ever single time. People are so embarrassed. FOR WHAT?? It’s only natural damn it.

I walk in the bathroom and right away you hear them grabbing the toilet paper and you can smell the stench. I mean come on… the evidence is right there, no need to run. I know who you are; I can see your shoes for goodness sake.

What about when you have to go in for a piss and the first thing that comes out is a windy fart? You get embarrassed. Me, well if someone is in there I either don’t even care or sometimes just laugh because I know the other person is scared shit that I’m about to blow up the place and well they get embarrassed as if they blew the fart.

One day I had walked into the bathroom and someone was in the last stall. As soon as they heard me come in, they lifted their feet up to hide. Hello, I saw your feet already dumb ass.

What about when someone is in the middle of a dump and you walk in on them it’s like their shit goes right back up their ass and they wipe it quickly, like if they are late for a damn meeting, and wash their hands trying to walk out discretely. I always wonder if they come back to finish. Oh even a better one, the person that walks in with that look on their face like they are about to shit on themselves and they see you in there and do this military turn and go and wash their hands and then walk out all distorted. You know why they came in their looking the way they did.
I go into the bathroom piss when I need to and shit when I need to. I am proud and no one will ever stop me from shitting in the office bathroom EVER!!!

STAY TUNED!!!

I know it’s been a while since I last wrote, things have been hectic with a new job and all and well I’ll let you know all about it, that’s if I can even remember it all. Damn I hate this bad fucking memory. But soon to come I will be blogging about the following so STAY TUNED!

****************************************

Going to the bathroom at work.

My sister in the hospital.

My nephew’s birth.

My crazy dream.

My new job.

The Green Day concert I went to.

My eye.

September 11th.

VMA’s.

The Day Before My First Day Of Work

Sunday, Monday, one more day till I start my new job. Was I nervous? NO, I just didn’t feel like going. Staying home for 3 months had me spoiled. Well besides the stressful broke issue, I was spoiled. It was my me time, that I never really used for myself.

Sunday was supposed to be crazy. TimRex asked me to take his pictures from some promo package for record labels. We were supposed to go to B&H and get some good film. I told him about all my ideas, he liked them. So we had set it for Sunday to do the first part of a photo shoot. I was also doing the clown thing for a kid’s birthday party, but on Saturday I found out that it wasn’t happening. I was happy, because that meant I had more time for the shoot. TR never made it, he got busy with something else. Again, I was happy, this meant I could just have a relaxing day before my first day of work. I called Anne to let her know I missed her and to find out what she was doing. She was having dinner and had our friend over with her husband and one of her sons over. I hadn’t seen in a while. Anne invited me over. I ended up walking to her house, because the night before I had a very disturbing dream that I got into a real bad car accident. I didn’t drive all day and night Sunday. Before I spoke with Anne I had invited Hope and her friend Troy over to play cards, have wine and just sit and talk. I wanted company, bottom line. I told Anne that I would come over but had to leave at a certain time because I had company myself coming over.

I ate and hung out with Anne, the family and friends. Hope and Troy picked me up. We played cards, drank white wine and just enjoyed each other’s company. We laughed and my need was fulfilled.

Saturday, August 13th was a long day. I had a block party, baby shower and a night out in a club. A MALE GAY club. The only reason I went was because one of my guy friends had to give a CD to the DJ. It was like a sauna, all these gay men where shirtless, well not all of them. I have nothing against gay people nothing at all, I don’t look at them any different than I would anyone else. Gay women, well the same as long as they aren’t trying to pick me up. Monday I start my new job and here I am with a hectic weekend.

My friend told me before we got to the club, that I would not have imagined the men I was going to see at the gay club were gay. If I had seen these men outside a gay club I wouldn’t have guessed they were gay. Let me tell you, I wouldn’t put it pass anyone. I don’t look at people for what they prefer as a lover, male or female. If it was anyone else, I could completely understand what my friend was saying.

I stood at the bar with my friend and two other people who were with us. Another guy and his friend, who was a female. When I first met her outside in front of the club, I thought she was the type who partied. By the end of the night I still had the same thought. I wasn’t going to judge her for being high or maybe just extremely hyper. It really didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was if she was cool and not some stuck up bitch. She was very familiar with the place. So from that I knew she was going to be cool. NO stuck up bitch would be a frequent male gay club attendee unless she has a penis and well… you know what I’m getting at.

My friend orders a screw driver and I bothered him about it.

“Ha! You just ordered a SCREWdriver in a gay club. You just got SCREWWED in a gay club.”

My friend is far from gay and I had to keep telling him that certain things he was doing was showing off his biceps. He would straighten up and look around hoping no one was checking him out. It was some funny shit. When he finished his drink, him and the other dude told us they had to go talk to the DJ. The girl and me stayed back, but we didn’t stay there, we walked around. Before we all parted I was checking out the scene. I watched the gogo male dancers bare ass jiggling, swaying back and forth, and thrusting their hoohoos into some gay dudes face. They were loving it. They were standing on top of the bar so I had plenty of bar asses in seeking distance. I didn’t mind, it didn’t bother me. I was sort of happy to be there. I didn’t have to worry about an asshole trying to pick me up and to put a cherry on top, an ugly asshole!

Like my friend said, there were men people would have thought not to see there. Short Asian men in their 20’s, Biker looking men, ghetto fabulous black men with a big diamond in their ear holding hands through the crowd. I watched them all and was glad they were so free but not for me.
As we were all standing at the bar, I kept catching the bartender staring at me. I thought he was gay and was just looking to look no meaning behind it. Why would there be, he wouldn’t be looking because he likes what he sees. So I thought, but still don’t have a clue. He might be bi sexual. My profile was aligned with the bar. I feel someone touch my arm. It’s him, the bartender. He extends his arm out with a bottle of water in his hand. I took my right palm of my hand and touched my chest suggesting the question
“Is that for me?”

Indeed it was. I took it with confusion and didn’t know why in the world he gave me water when I didn’t even ask for it. So I ask my friend’s friend, the dude, why and what the heck did that mean. He said…

“It means that, it’s a gay club. Take it and shut up.”

Still don’t know why he gave it to me. I took it and ended up walking with it in the club with three sips taken from the rim. The girl and me went looking for who knows who. She wanted to see if someone she knew was there. Our attempt in finding them failed. We passed by couples getting down, while one was sitting down the other one was straddling him on top shirtless. Then we passed this little room and well I only took a glance and I minded my own business. When we were at the bar I saw some small slanky Spanish dude go right up to a guy who just approached the bar. Slanky put his hand on the guy’s lower back checking out his ass and then moved him so he can check out his front. He did the back and forth thing. I’m guessing that’s part of the checklist on picking up in a gay club. Checking out the merchandise.

The girl and I bopped to the beat as we walked and tried to feel the music. We finally make it back to the bar. My friend and the dude weren’t there. Some gay Asian tried, I guess, picking me up. He touched my upper arm and giving me the eye to come over. I totally declined and kept walking laughing it off. I was about 20 feet away when I felt someone touch my arm and I thought this guy wasn’t giving up. So I kept walking ignoring the touch. Then came the grabbing of my arm, I turned around and discovered the dude, my friend’s friend that we came with. We both laughed. I told him that I thought it was some guy who just tried talking to me and he said he knew because he saw the whole thing.

Now we all reunited, going to the back bar. The girl and I danced our way there. We had drink tickets, so I actually got a drink. I’m down to one drink a night out. I watched two hot guys at the end of the bar exchange numbers and then make out and then walk away holding hands. GRAND!

Dude got upset because he saw his ex fiancé (a woman) there. He walked away from us to disappearance land. That’s when we got our drinks. We drank them and then searched for Dude. We found him slouching over a banister spying the dance floor. The girl and I were probably there for 5 minutes as the gay guy against the wall decided to dirty dance with us. It was fun. After that fiasco, the girl and I went to the dance floor as I handed my friend my purse to hold. Now he sure did look gay now. HA HA.
We went to the middle of the grand dance floor. So many men, so many not for me. It was great. I got to dance and wasn’t going to be bothered by some horny fuck. We danced and sweated our fucking brains out. It was a damn sauna in there. I was drenched. I told the girl that my bra was showing and no one gives a shit. I told her if I took my shirt off no one would care. It was great. Some guy tried dancing with her, he had no rhythm. Tried doing that Spanish dancing thing. I saw her look for help. I grabbed her and started busting the right Spanish moves. We laughed and had an awesome time. Then we danced doing our own thing. I had some guys around me cheering me on. We laughed the entire time as I kept screaming how fucking hot it was. My 7 jeans were permanently part of my legs, if I took them off I swore my skin would come off with them. So here we are two sopping wet girls in a male gay club working our way through a dance floor full of shirtless sweaty men back up to our friends. We were going to leave. We stood there and started to dance. A guy walks by and calls me SEXY. With one eyebrow up, with my watcha talking about Willis expression he started dancing with me. All on top of me. No shirt, muscles popping out. The girl saved me. He came right up on me again, we laughed. She grabbed my hand and we RAN. With my head tilted back, I couldn’t stop laughing. It was one of the gogo male dancers. Our friends found us five minutes later and we went home. Got home after 5 am. Got something to eat with my friend on the way home. It was a great night.

Closet or Hamper?

I’m the girl who will wear her jeans or pants two times maybe even three times before washing them. If I sweat or dirty them then they go right into the hamper. Heck if you washed your clothes that often, you will ware the color and material out. Plus when you have expensive clothes that don’t need to be dry-cleaned you tend not to wash them so often, because you don’t want to ruin them. So you try your hardest to keep them as clean as possible as you are wearing them.

First off, why does it always seem when you take a clean pair of pants out your closet, you feel as if you gained weight? Maybe that’s because those son of a bitches were in the dryer and they made them tighter. Heck I have to suck in my belly at times, that’s why when you have a pair of pants that you’ve already worn they are already stretched to your form.

Shirts-

· First you do the sniff test. Most of the time I put them in the hamper. If I worn the shirt just a few hours and it passes the sniff test it goes into the closet.
· Check out the armpit part of your shirt. If it doesn’t stink, but has deodorant on it, toss it into the hamper.
· If you get a sauce stain or any stain on it, in the hamper it goes.

Jeans/Pants-

· You check them out front to back to make sure there’s no dirt on them.
· You do the sniff test. If they smell, in the hamper they go.
· If they fit too loose then into the hamper they go.
· If you can fold them up and they look nice and flat, in the closet they go, that is if they passed the sniff and dirt free test.
· If they fit too tight, it’s because they are still clean. Leave them in the closet, till there’s a day when you haven’t eaten a damn thing and your tummy is flat as hell.

Undies and Socks-

· SLAM DUNK INTO THE HAMPER!!

Bras-

· The sniff test once again.
· If they pass the sniff test and get deodorant on it, try rubbing it off if there is just a smudge on it and if it doesn’t come off into the hamper it goes.
· All of a sudden your tits shrank. No no not to fret, the bra is stretched out. Into the hamper it goes.
· So if it passes the sniff test and has no deodorant on it and it fits perfect, then into the draw or closet or on top of whatever it lands on in your room when you take it off , it goes. If you happen to find dirt on it, girl, what the fuck are you doing to get it dirty??? Unless you walk around in your bra eating a melting ice cream cone you have problems.

So tell me, Closet or Hamper? What do you do?

Behind The Yellow Line

Mia got so drunk and I actually yelled at her as if she was a little girl. We all said we were going to make it an early night, because we all knew I was getting picked up at 5:30 in the morning to go for a little trip. It was 4 am and we were an hour away from home. I was trying to get out of the place since 3 am. You know how it is when you have a drunk on your hands (not only did I have one I had at least 3), they don’t want to leave, they try to escape and giggle their way to the bar. They grab someone and dance. They are having a blast, but they are not listening to what you are saying. They don’t want to listen and that gets you mad.

I get to my house at 5:31am I had no time to sleep, no time to wash my face, no time to brush my teeth. I walked in and changed and left Mia on my bed to sleep off the liquor.

I was going to visit someone who is in jail. The only way you can see them is if you are in their (Jail’s) system and well it’s like an appointment. So you have to make it there on that day. It was an hour and a half maybe even 2 hours away from where I lived. I got in the back seat and asked if I looked presentable. They said I did. I staid up for maybe 20 minutes and told them that I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I laid down, but kept waking up during the ride. At one time I got up and I was told I sleep with my eyes open. That’s the second time someone has told me that. My eyes aren’t completely open, they are slightly open that you can see my eye and enough for me to see you. I get there and I knew it was going to be a struggle.

I can’t have anything on me but my id and money. I go through a metal detector and have no problem, they didn’t even notice the big safety pin I had in my ear. That my friend can do some damage. We get stamped and we have to go through another door to put our hands under a black light where we have to wait for the guy behind the tinted glass to say

“GOOD”

Then we can move ahead without knowing who the man is behind the glass. We go through another door and we enter a room that looks like somewhat a cafeteria that only had brick red plastic chairs side by side. I look around and I see inmates waiting for their visitors. I felt at ease. I felt loneliness, their loneliness. So finally the person I came to see came out. I hadn’t seen him in 7 years. He was thin and looked completely different. Before I entered the visiting room I felt like crying, but once I saw him it didn’t want to come out. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s his story. I sat there wondering what it his inmates committed to be there. I had seen them there with girlfriends and their babies visiting. It was sad. I felt bad for these guys. They did something to be here, but then I thought about my friend and said he didn’t and there could be others like him there.

There were vending machines. We bought a whole bunch of food, there were microwaves to heat them up. We got chicken sandwiches and drinks. When we showed him what we got he said…

“Oh don’t you worry, I’m going to dog them.”:

I watched the way he ate his food. It was sad, it was like a treat to eat the food from the vending machine. He hasn’t had a home cooked meal in 7 years. He hasn’t had a life for 7 years. I would ask what the story was with some of the other guys there. He would tell me. Most of them were in for little things, nothing to hold my purse close to me, but my purse was in the car. I felt all the pain in them all. I was trying to see who really deserved this punishment. I couldn’t tell. I didn’t want them to find me staring at them.

When I had first walked in an officer told me to tuck my shirt in, I must have been showing some skin. Always me. Always get picked on or reprimanded when I’m not even trying to do anything wrong.

We took photos, my friend had a receipt that we were going to take 3 pictures. They had a backdrop and we stood there smiling for the cameraman. Everyone was staring at us. I thought they could probably tell I was on no sleep. It made me feel as if I looked like shit.

Every time they had to go to the bathroom they had to wait for an officer to let them in and have them watch them. My friend went to the bathroom twice and the second time he had to strip down. They couldn’t pass this yellow line that was by the exit so if we had to give our hugs it had to be behind the line.
We had one chicken sandwich left. I hate my nasty $5 salad and chewed on some sour patches we got from the candy vending machine. We wanted to give it away. We tried to give it to the guy who does my friend’s laundry, like a payment. That’s how it is in prison. He didn’t want it because he was full. He was very grateful for the suggestion. Finally we gave it to the guy who was sitting in front of us with his family, he was so happy to get it, I could feel his tear that wanted to come out. We said our goodbyes and promised I would write and send pictures and come visit again. It was hard, but I knew he’ll be free in 5 years. 5 years to go and counting.

86??

Do you even know what 86 means??????? That's not a good number! Help me out here. I went from 14 to 69 now to 86 CiaFai?

Dr. Feel Good

Saturday night Mia and I get to the club. Earlier that day, on my way to my nephew’s first birthday party I get a call from this guy. The story behind this guy Frank is a stranger that I might know, if that makes any sense. I had gone out with my friend Christy and her two children Tuesday. I had to buy a gift for my cousin who just had a baby girl. After Babies R Us, we went to visit Christy’s husband at his job, which is a pizzeria. We walk in and say our hellos. I go to the bathroom and when I come back, we say our goodbyes. When we got outside I had told Christy that one of the guys in there looked very familiar. He was actually playing with the children when we were on our way out. I didn’t want to stare at him because I thought it might have been rude. So I took a quick glance at him and found him familiar. Though I didn’t speak a word to him, I wanted to know who the heck he was. I left it at that with Christy, and there was no connection on where I knew this guy.

Later that day, I was over my cousin’s house when Christy rang my phone. She asked me to guess who just called her. I had no idea and like a big dummy I said give me one guess. I meant to say give me a hint. DUHHHH! She said Frank. I told her so much for me guessing, then I realized that I said give me a guess. He called her because he thought he knew me from somewhere and wanted to take me out to dinner. I really didn’t want to go, but only because I thought I might have known him from somewhere I would, but then again I didn’t. So it all came down to going because it was Christy’s husbands boss and well just to make things look good for him. She asked if I wanted his number I said no. So then she asked if he could have mine. I contemplated then told her to give my cell number.

The dude calls me and it ends up that we are both going to the same club that night. How ironic. Someone please help me. Frank tells me where he’ll be hanging out. I told him to give me a call when he was there. He was out with friends and cousins for his birthday. By the way he’s 4 years younger than me. He called while my friend was using my phone so I didn’t know till I came back from walking around the club. I figured where he would be so I went over, let me tell you, I didn’t know him from a whole in the fucking wall. I thought I might have known him from going out, but the way he was dressed totally took the mystery away. I even had all my friends checking him out, they didn’t know him. He was so drunk off his ass and bought me and my friends drinks. Hee hee what the heck, why not? He was way to comfortable with his hands on my ass which I didn’t like, and gave him the dirty look. I told him I would be right back because I needed to talk to my friend real quick. The other friend was the dude I kissed that night the cop saw my ass.

The Kissing Dude gave me his number that night we kissed. I never called. Why? Well to be honest, I wasn’t that attracted to him, but I knew I would see him again. I thought it could be a friendship. I liked the dude, to hang out with, he’s a ball, but when it comes to having some sort of relationship it’s not going any further than a friendship. So I hesitated on the call back. Then too much shit was going on. I got a call that I was getting a job. My sister in law goes into early contractions and has to take it easy. My Aunt and Uncle are here from Rome visiting and they are taking me to their friend’s house. My niece got bit in the face by a dog. I had too many things going on that were more important than me giving KD a call. Someone who I wasn’t really into in that way. He definitely showed interest in me so you would have thought he would have taken my number, but he gave me that act that my phone battery died. I said yeah sure and he was about to show me and I didn’t want to be bothered. Plus, he’s friends with one of my guy friends, if he was so interested in me he could have asked for my number. Any hoots, I knew he was there that night at the club. I wanted to apologize for not calling and didn’t want to make things awkward. He told me not to stress about it. HA is this guy kidding me? I wasn’t stressing at all I was just being respectful and considerate. I felt bad so I thought to make things better. So it turns out that he’s more interested talking to other people and in some crazy way it had upset me. I wanted to have a good time with him, meaning dance and bullshit. It never works out that way. Later on we ended up talking and we held hands through the club looking for our friends, we danced and that was it. He had my number in his phone because that’s how I got him to come over to me. I was in the VIP section and told him to come over. He didn’t know who was calling so when he walked through the doors I screamed over to him that it was me. Anyway, so he goes down to his recent calls and says is this your number? And it was, so he supposedly saved it. He said ok. Never got a call. I don’t care and I do. I just thought it was crazy how I never have any guys around to talk to in a club and that one night I had two. One who was a complete dumb ass drunk and the other who didn’t care to see me. My friends kept telling me that they can see that he likes me. I told them PLEASE! He doesn’t and I don’t care.
I went back to my friends who were near Frank and then I guess he must of sensed the annoyance I had with him so he went to give me a handshake to say it was nice and he had to go. HA!! Dumped twice and I didn’t even want either of them. What bothers me is that it would have been nice, that at least one person would walk away that night liking me in some sort of way. It just makes me feel good.

Hide It

Saturday was my nephew’s first birthday party. My sister in law is already having contractions for her 2nd child. She was feeling all right for my nephew’s birthday; thank goodness imagine having the baby on her son’s first birthday party? I finally arrived to the party late. I swear it wasn’t my fault; I rather not get into the reason. When I get to the party, I already here the complaints the sarcasms that I’m late. If anyone else is ever involved in coming with me or me waiting on people, it’s destined that I will be late. If I’m going on my own, I’m on time. So it just always seems that I’m late because I’m always bringing someone with me.

I spotted the birthday boy. He was in his diaper and wearing cute yellow shorts. He had no shirt on and all I wanted to do was blow farts on his chest with my mouth and kiss him. Not because he’s my nephew, and I know you hear that line all the time, but he is too freaking cute. I brought my little air pump and my brother and sister in law supplied me with balloons. I made my nephew a mouse. The kids all came around and I made animal balloons for them. It was so hot out; I felt the sweat drip down the back of my legs. The heat drained me out. I had to keep up my spirits and not show anyone how tired I really was. So I went on.

My cousin arrived with her husband and two children. I had their x-mas gifts from last year in my trunk. I never got around to bringing it to them. It was that or I kept forgetting it at home when I did go visit. I know I’m a dumb ass. Thank goodness the outfits I got them were actually too big for last year and will fit them this year. I went to my car and grabbed the gifts from my trunk. I walked down the metal stairs and well slipped on the second step. There were children at the bottom of the stairs and I didn’t want to let go of the gifts because they would end up hitting the kids below. With my left hand I gripped the gifts like if I was holding a bag of groceries real tight and with my right hand reached out for the railing. It stopped me from going down the stairs, but it didn’t stop me from hitting the wall, which by the way this was outside and it was a rocky wall. I felt my shoulder twist, and my knee crash into the wall real hard. To tell you the truth, it scared me. It went in slow motion and it felt like it was never going to end. Once I hit the wall and finally got a grip of myself I got up with pain throbbing through my leg. I don’t know how, but my left index finger was killing me. I touched it and it felt as if my knuckle wasn’t in place. I had people touch it but they couldn’t seem to find what I was talking about. Finally later it went back down. Must have been a vein or something that was just swollen near my knuckle. Later on, I found a nice lump above my right knee with bloody scuffs on it. The blood had dried up. It was getting late and Mia and I had to go to a club to go see Tim Rex perform with Veronica. I was tired as fuck, but once again, I had to hide it.

69???????????????????????????

69??? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT?? I was at 14 now I’m at 69? WHHHHHHHHHATTTTTTT?? Please correct that will ya! ; )~

DO YOU KNOW...

Do you know what I love?? Well of course you don’t. One of the things I love is the smell of the heated pavement on a hot summer day that has just been drenched with the rain. It’s weird how it brings back memories of my old house as a child. Like sitting on my stoop and watch the rain as it hit the awning. Thunderstorms were so soothing to me. I loved doing that when I was a child and till this day I still do, but I don’t live in that great house anymore, which by the way my mom thought was hexed. I remember walking out in the rain barefoot and just walking around the outside of my house. Now, I hardly get the chance to do that. I can’t tell you exactly when it was, but it had to be probably a month or so ago, I did walk in the rain and it felt damn good. The only reason it happened was because I had no choice. It started raining and well when I parked my car I realized I had no umbrella. I felt something come over me. I felt young again. I felt all the crazy things in my life evaporate and as I walked out of my car I started walking in the rain. I always wanted to walk in the rain real slow with a guy and now as I’m older a man. To hold hands not saying a word to one another. Then we would chase each other and bend over holding our stomachs gasping for air from laughing so hard.

Tonight it is raining and here I am stuck in my house. Thing is, tonight I really want company in the rain. So as you can see I don’t have any, and instead, I’m typing this up.

I had an interesting weekend. I realized that I haven’t picked up my black book. My black book is my lyric book where I create all the magic. I got very upset thinking about it because I’ve come to disappoint myself. I haven’t written a song in a long time, and to tell you the truth I have put my writing into something else. My friend the place is…. HERE! For you! TO READ! I have written over 50 songs and there were times I would write at least 2 or 3 songs on my train ride home or on my way to work. I start my new job next Monday and I had promised myself yes that is correct I made a promise to the most important person to me well that should matter to me. And that is me. It’s about time I think about myself and listen to my dream. I would love to share my songs with all of you out there, because that is the main reason why I write them, well besides the part of me singing them and getting radio time on it, it’s for you, all of you out there to listen to. To relate to, to sing to. To go gaga over me. Ok no not really. But I can’t, I can’t share that part of my life with you, because you see, we have fuckers out there and those fuckers like to steal. They like to steal someone’s dream and make it their own and say

“Hey lookie here, look what I came up with all by my lonesome stealing fucking self.”

Ok they don’t mention the stealing. Poof my dream is gone and well no one wants to do that to Cia Fai, because Cia Fai will torment you and welllllll chop each finger off your stealing fucking low life piece of shit hands and wellllllll make you suffer till you bleed, TO DEATH. Then, I’ll sing you my happiest song I’ve written. So this is the end of this blog and I will write about the rest of my weekend on other blogs because I know I have the tendency to write way tooooooooooo much and your eyes probably get tired and blah blah blah oh wait am I still typing??? STOPPED!

585

Thank goodness for caller ID. I kept getting this call from a 585 number; I even looked it up on the Internet, but couldn’t come up with anything. BIG MAC even looked it up for me, but the only thing he could find out was it was from UPSTATE. BIG MAC called the number back and got a busy signal. He tried again later that day and it rang, but no one answered. I know a few people who live in Upstate, so I thought to answer the phone the next time they called.

I was getting ready to go somewhere but for the heck of me I cannot remember where I was going. Of course this is when I’ll get the call, when I need to get the heck out of my house as soon as possible. I sat there in my robe wet, slowly drying. The phone rang; I saw the number and still hesitated but picked it up anyway. It was some dude, and it definitely wasn’t a voice I recognized. NOW I was upset. I knew this fucker was going to bother me. He mentioned some hospital name. New York blah blah. I was thinking before this call that in general it might be one of those Verizon, Con Edison… you know one of my bills… calling asking for money, so I ignored them, but when BIG MAC said Upstate, I thought different.

So I had answered in an annoying manner.

“Is this about the $35?”

“Yes, it is. Thank you.”

“I sent a check a long time ago, and I still get notices that you never received it. So I sent another one a long time ago again”

“You did?, well we still haven’t received it.”

So I went on and on about how I’m not sending another check because I already paid for it. He went on and on how he didn’t get it. So I was like it was over two years ago. I was so upset about how they are still bothering me about it.

I thought this freaking call was for a bill from the emergency room. Two years ago or so, I thought I was dying. My brother took me to the emergency room. It ended up being the flu, which was real bad and a bad case of bronchitis. Hence, the feeling of death coming. The hospital sent me the bill for $35 for the emergency visit. I didn’t pay right away, because I was so sick. Once I got a notice I sent in a payment. They never got it so I got another notice and I called my bank and they said it was never cashed so I sent another check. I never received a notice again; well I don’t think I did.

So here’s this dude asking me for my money. It wasn’t for the emergency visit. It was for a hospital asking for a donation for their equipment. I remembered at that moment when he clarified who the fuck he was, that I had received something in the mail asking for a donation. I ripped it up and threw it out. Are they fucking kidding me? They always find some way to charge you for something when you go to the doctors or the hospital and they called me out of all people to donate money? The girl who is more broke than the bum who sits outside Eckards asking for money. The girl who is unemployed at the moment. The girl who is struggling and trying not to stress the fuck out because of it. By the way I finally got a job. Got the call this week. Any hoots, I told him I wasn’t donating because I have no money and I’m unemployed at the moment. The dude went on and fucking on about a story of when he was struggling. I had to open my big fucking mouth about how I hardly have any money and with what I have I’d rather use it on my medicine. I had to cut this fucker off and say

“Listen I don’t mean to cut you off, but I was on my way out somewhere.”

Then I hung up. Can you fucking believe it? A hospital calling asking for money.

Fuck YOU! YOU GET NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH TING FROM ME!! You should be donating to me! So if you get a 585 number and on your caller id it shows that instead of a name don’t pick up. It’s the hospital wanting to burn a hole in your pockets.

Have you ever got these kind of calls?